Our previous post was decrying the kind of exploitation people like Harvey Weinstein are finally having to pay the price for. One or two people complained that we have no right to complain about such things because we are into kinky sex ourselves and we even have a tumblr blog which is quite pornographic. Those complainers don’t get it at all! There is a huge difference between enjoying consensual sex in a variety of forms on the one hand (which can be very empowering) and being forced or coerced into unwanted sexual situations on the other hand (which is very dis-empowering). To put it another way; even if I dress in a way which is sexually attractive and openly speak about enjoying a variety of sexual practices, nobody in the universe has the right to touch me in a sexual way or expect anything more from me unless I explicitly invite them to. There will be a few neanderthals who still don’t get it, but fortunately their time is over and all that remain of that type of sub human will soon be either extinct or in jail.
The title of this post is “Kinky Sex and Satanism”. I am sure there are many who think that the two things inevitably go together. They don’t. Some Satanists including a few of our own friends have no particular interest in sex at all. In fact the majority of people we know in Satanic circles have rather conservative sex lives which are a private matter between themselves and their partners. However, one thing that the majority of Satanists in our experience do have in common in matters of sex, is an open minded attitude and a tendency to question, if not break, some taboos associated with it. I say some taboos… The taboos we tend to challenge and break are those which historically have been part of the rules and regulations of religions we reject, as well as those rules which deny our right to be masters of our own bodies and our own lives. There are a few rules which we don’t break however, not because they are taboo, but because in our own judgement such things would be plain wrong and go against our own values and the priority we place on recognizing the power and dignity of the individual. So the rules we don’t break are these:- We don’t engage in any sexual activity with anybody against their consent. We don’t under any circumstances have sex with minors. We don’t have sex with animals. If anybody needs more of an explanation as to why we don’t do those things, they clearly need more therapy than I am expert or patient enough to give!
Having explained that not all Satanists have sex which could be described as kinky in any way and having clearly stated the things we would never do, I will now talk about some areas of sexual activity which some people think are kinky which some of us do enjoy.
The first thing to say is that we are hedonists. We think hedonism is a good thing. We think it is good for the human psyche and general physical condition to make the most of all pleasures life has to offer, including sexual ones. Perhaps we need to write an exposition on why hedonism is a good thing sometime, but for now just take it as read that hedonism is an important aspect of Satanic life.
A small but perhaps important point is that Satanism is not homophobic. While nothing is compulsory; we tend to be experimental, open minded and respectful of all forms of sexual identity and preferences. Personally I don’t see that as kinky but I guess some do. Often those who feel excluded by various religious authorities because they happen to be gay, bisexual, transgender or whatever, find Satanism a safe haven. Tina, Cassie and I are bisexual, but interestingly we rarely feel the need to describe our sexual tastes and preferences in such a prescriptive way inside our own satanic circles.
One of the things that some people might find “kinky” about Satanists and sex is that many of us do not feel obliged to limit our sex lives to our romantic lives. In many religions there are laws (written and unwritten) which stipulate that sex can only happen in a relationship between a man and a woman which is legitimized by the church or religious authority they adhere to. We reject that idea completely. It seems an obvious fact to us that humans have always enjoyed many forms of sex which happen outside recognized relationships such as marriage and we don’t think there is anything wrong with that. We think it is a normal and usually pleasurable aspect of human development and behavior. So for the Satanist there is the possibility to enjoy sex in all sorts of situations inside and outside of relationships. In reality it is just normal life. We suspect there are very few adults who have not had and enjoyed sex which is not in the context of a serious and “God-Blessed” relationship. We are just honest about it, and as hedonists we enjoy it as much as we can. Cassie and I love each other and I think it is fair to say the best sex we have is with each other. Hopefully no Satanists would underestimate the value and importance of love. When we first met, we only had sex with each other for quite a long time. But as our love and our relationship grew deeper and more mature, we no longer felt the need to restrict our sexual activities to each other. I think our relationship has become stronger as a result. Personally I think a lot of relationships might be stronger and more loving if partners allowed each other more sexual freedom… Maybe that’s just me… Anyhow, our lifestyle and our choices are not necessarily the norm for all Satanists, but Satanism does at least allow us to make those choices for ourselves and not be slaves to the norms of society.
Following on from the idea that some of us do not limit our sexual activity to the conventions of coupledom, is the fact that there is sometimes sexual content in our rituals. This does not occur in all Satanic communities or covens but it does happen in some; including our own. We do not have orgies as such, some do… However, nobody should be forced to indulge in any sexual activity they are uncomfortable with. In our coven we have learned from experience that having a sexual element in some rituals and magical workings adds great power to what we are doing. Symbolically and psychologically it can be extremely potent and influential in terms of personal development. It also bonds us as an extended family and is fun. Moreover, we do it partly because such behavior is forbidden and seen as taboo in Christianity and some other religions. We are reclaiming the space and circumstance and refusing to allow outside forces to dictate our actions. We are very much stating that sex does not have to be limited or controlled in the way many religions have tried to do over time.
In group rituals and individually some Satanists like to infuse a large degree of blasphemy into some of their sexual activity. Some pornographic images posted by Satanists seem to be almost exclusively full of this stuff. Personally I think that kind of thing can get excessive and therefore loses the point of blasphemy which is mainly to mock the powers which have been used to control people over time. Therefore in our own coven we tend to keep such things to the minimum so that when they do occur, they are more transformative. Moreover, we feel there are some significant health issues with some of those activities.
So perhaps this is the point to mention health. While in principle we allow ourselves to enjoy sex in whatever ways we want, we are also big believers in personal responsibility. Cassie and I grew up in an era when AIDS was still a big fear; and while it is not in the headlines as much these days, we are well aware that it still exists. Moreover there are all sorts of other sexually transmitted diseases, some of which are on the increase at this time. Therefore we urge caution. Cassie and I are at an age where we may be prepared to take calculated risks from time to time with people we know well, personally I think younger people should be even more cautious. I have a daughter who is hungrily and enthusiastically exploring and enjoying the part that sex can play in her life. She has been brought up in a Satanic household with Satanic values which she has heavily invested in herself. It shows; and I am delighted to see her blossom and grow in this and other ways. However, I of course want her to have a long and happy life and have equipped her with all the practical advice I can. There will always be risks attached to any form of sexual activity, but with knowledge and forethought it is possible to minimise those risks. Ideally Satanic women should be confident, knowledgeable and self empowered people who are not afraid to say No, or Not Unless….
Some people regard the various activities contained within the BDSM label as “kinky” and it is true that many of us do enjoy some of those things. Cassie tells me there are often elements of bondage in Wiccan and Pagan rituals. In truth I think most people enjoy or experiment with these things and that they are more widespread and normal in many people’s lives than is sometimes thought. Cassie and I have found that exploring our own boundaries within this field of sexual activity can be very enriching, satisfying, empowering and even beautiful. We have found that other Satanists are often into these activities for the same reasons and in order once again to be experimental, adventurous and challenge taboos. I think it goes with the Satanic mindset to a degree. However, once again, none of this is compulsory for Satanists and as I have said before, the sex lives of many Satanists are actually very conservative and mainstream. We can, but we don’t have to.
Is it kinky to like porn? Well I have to admit that Cassie and I enjoy some of it and a lot of our Satanic friends do as well. Perhaps that is just us and our kinky circle, but I doubt it. Again it is about challenging taboos and actually celebrating sex as a normal part of life rather than denying it. Cassie and I enjoy erotica that depicts all the things I have mentioned so far and lots more besides. We like to think our tastes in such things are fairly sophisticated, but I suppose even that is down to personal taste. What we don’t like however is anything that suggests rape or any form of sex that doesn’t involve the meaningful consent of all involved. We detest and report anything we see which crosses that line.
So called kinky sex tends to be more adventurous and breaks many barriers. As a result I believe it brings with it the potential for learning and personal growth. I am sure I know and understand myself better as a result of some of my sexual experiences. I think it has made me stronger in many ways, and more understanding of myself and others. I think it is a good thing.
Why have I written this post? Partly, I suppose, it’s that sex is a big part of my life and I get a kind of kick from writing about it… Partly it is to dispel the myth that Satanism is nothing but orgies and kinky sex, while at the same time admitting that for some of us it is a part of the Satanic lifestyle and experience. For any non Satanists looking in I think it is fair and honest to give an overview of the degree to which sex may play a part in our lives. But mainly in fact, it goes back to the Harvey Weinstein controversy.
Most women and men enjoy sex. Many of us enjoy sex which is described by some as kinky. Neither of these self evident truths apply only to Satanists. However, admitting to enjoying sex, even kinky sex, should not in this day and age mean that we are gagging for it with any man who passes our way. No matter how dull or how adventurous our sex lives are, NOBODY has the right to force or coerce us into any form of unwanted sex. I want my daughter to grow up in a world where she can enjoy sex as much and in whatever form she wants without being labeled in a way her male counterparts would not be. I want her to live in a world where sexual predators are few and are dealt with harshly when discovered. And I want her to live in a world where the latent sexism of the past is finally laid to rest. I am proud to be a Satanist and I think in many ways people like us are at the vanguard of positive change in society. Kinky sex is just sex. It is part of being human. I believe we have the right to enjoy that part of our lives without prejudice.
Looking back through our archives, one of the posts that still gets the most traffic is the one about Satanic Sex. Another popular post is the one in which, several years ago, my daughter Tina decided to become a Satanist. Since then she has grown up and has a blog of her own which gets a reasonable amount of visitors. One of the questions that both she and I are most often asked is how our satanic beliefs inform our attitudes to sex and love. We are both aware that there is not much written about this subject on the net; at least, not much that we would recommend! So we decided to get together to answer some of the questions we are most often asked on this subject and maybe expand on our views and experiences a bit. First; for any visitors new to this site, a very short paragraph of background information about us.
My name is Sophie. I am 40 years of age and 17 years ago I gave birth to my precious daughter Tina. At the time I was in a long term relationship with Tina’s father. We split up fairly amicably when Tina was seven when we realized we had different directions and priorities in our lives. Tina’s father has continued to play an active and supporting role in Tina’s life and upbringing. I have been sexually active since my mid teens and I suppose I was always fairly liberal and adventurous in my sexual affairs. I’d had a couple of serious boyfriends before meeting Tina’s father (and quite a lot of less serious ones) and after the split I had a lot of liaisons with both men and women before meeting Cassie who has since become my life partner. Both Cassie and I are bisexual and still occasionally have sex with men, but we knew as soon as we met each other that we were meant to be life partners and we love each other deeply.
So I am Tina. I’m 17 in two weeks time and I have been sexually active for just over a year. I was the most innocent of children and had no interest in sex or any of the things connected with being an adult until I was about 14 and in that year I changed and grew up so much it shocked even me! When I was fifteen I started going to parties, meeting boys and kissing and stuff… I decided I should get prepared for the time when there would be more “stuff”! I had a lot of conversations with my mother and then just before I was sixteen she took me to the birth control clinic and I started taking the pill. Luckily I have always been able to talk openly about these things with my mother. A few months later I lost my virginity to my first serious boyfriend. Later I split up from him and “experimented” a bit. Now I have a boyfriend who is a few years older than me and shares a lot of my beliefs and values.
Mother’s Ground Rules.
Sex should only happen between fully consenting adults. If a person doesn’t or can’t give consent it is rape and the rapist should be punished as harshly as possible. Here in the part of Switzerland we live in the age of consent is 16. I know my daughter and I know she is adult enough to have sex if she wants to. However, not all people mature at the same pace. Tina has some sixteen year old friends who, in my opinion, are still not ready for sex. It is also fair to say that some people mature at a faster pace and maybe ready and hungry for sex earlier. Even so, the law is there to protect people and it is always best to wait until you are not breaking the law. If you can’t wait, there is something wrong. In all cases, if in doubt, don’t have sex; wait until a better time.
It is your body and only you should choose how to use it and who to share it with. Never, never do anything sexually that you don’t want to do. If a partner pressures you into doing or trying something sexually you are uncomfortable with, dump that person!
Girls. You can get pregnant! This is something the men don’t fully understand because it can’t happen to them. If you get pregnant, whether you have the child or not, it will change your life completely. So ALWAYS use birth control unless you are with somebody you don’t mind starting a family with. All women have the right to have an abortion, but abortion is a big thing that can fuck your mind and body up in all sorts of ways. It is not a form of last minute birth control.
And last of the scary warnings… AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases still exist. In fact most sexually active people catch an STD of some kind at some point. Be careful. Take precautions. In all casual sex adventures it is best to use condoms.
The Satanic Perspective.
Satanists are intelligent, scientific people and so they should take all the above warnings seriously. Satanists are self-centred and self-reliant, and must take responsibility for protecting themselves as much as possible. However, with all that being said, Satanists think sex is normal and healthy, Satanists are mostly hedonistic, meaning we see nothing wrong with enjoying carnal and mental pleasures as much as possible and Satanists are self aware so learning how to achieve maximum pleasure and satisfaction through sex (and all other things) is part of our life path and meaning. Satanists tend to value and enjoy the so called darker, left hand, sinister, side of things. We feel it is important to explore and integrate that side of things into our lives in a constructive way. That may make some of us more open to certain forms of sexual expression and fetishism than some others may be.
In practical terms, in our own family, my daughter’s blossoming sexuality and sexual appetite is not something I fear or dread (although I will always be the protective mother who sometimes gives more advice than is wanted), rather it is something I welcome and encourage as I think gaining sexual knowledge and pleasure is an important aspect of personal development.
What would you say is the relationship between sex and love?
They are not the same of course but they are very interconnected. Love can be wonderful and Satanists can fall in love as truly, madly and deeply as anybody else. I have had a lot of sexual partners but only a few partners that I was passionately in love with. The difference is huge. Of course the feeling of being “in love” is a huge and lovely thing in itself although when it doesn’t work out as you would like, or when it ends, it can be devastatingly painful. But how to cope with that is one of the life lessons it is important to learn and it says a lot about who we actually are. A loving relationship is the best situation in which to fully enjoy sex and explore your own needs and boundaries. Making love with somebody you are in love with is absolutely the best and safest way to discover and enjoy sex when you are “starting out”. And even later in life, sex within a loving relationship is almost always the best kind of sex there is. You know that Cassie and I have had sex with quite a few other people, and we still do sometimes, but when we are together our love adds a dimension to sex that beats everything and everybody else we have ever experienced.
But there is still a place for sex outside of love. It must still and always be fully consensual, but frankly speaking most people need and benefit from having sexual experiences outside of a committed relationship sometimes. Many religions are very much against that. Satanism treats people as adults with their own agency who don’t have to follow or pretend to follow any form of religious or societal rules when it comes to sex.
Is there sex in Satanic rituals?
Not always, and not in all covens and groups. But sometimes, yes. In our own coven there is nudity and there are some sexual moments or acts in some rituals. It is very rare for full intercourse to happen during a ritual, although because of the sexually charged atmosphere some people do have sex as soon as they can after the formal part is done. But there is sexual stimulation… I don’t want to go into details, but I also don’t want to tell lies. There are sexual elements in many of our coven meetings. They are not really the debauched orgies you sometimes read about but I suppose in some people’s opinion any kind of sexual activity outside what is normal for them is seen as bad… However, and this is really important… Nobody should ever be pressured into any form of sexual activity they are not comfortable with. There are several people in our own coven who prefer not to participate in some of the more sexual rituals. That is fine and we totally respect that. Really. I would say to any person starting out in Satanism or even those who are very experienced practitioners, never do anything sexually just to fit in with a group. If you feel pressured to do something against your will or that you find uncomfortable in any way, leave quickly. If necessary report them to the police. And it is probably worth getting to know several members of the group and what they do for a living, before attending any private group meetings.
Is there a Satanic view of things like homosexuality?
Not really. You know by now it is hard to find any two Satanists who agree on everything, or even anything! However, in my own experience most Satanists I have met tend to have more more liberal views in matters of sex than mainstream society. It is also a Satanic principle to break down taboos. So generally Satanists are open minded about homosexuality and most other forms of sexual expression and identity. Some homosexuals, especially those who have suffered and felt repressed by religions like Christianity, find Satanism a great release and may go into a bit of overdrive in matters of sex! In our own coven we have people of all shades and colours on the sexual spectrum.
So are all Satanists kind of uber-sexual?
No. I know several Satanists who have no interest in sex at all.
Any final comments?
Sex is healthy and fun but it is an adult thing which stirs deep emotions. Satanists (like everybody else really) should enjoy it responsibly. And in the excitement of sex, don’t overlook love. Love is something which binds and heals. Other religions don’t have the monopoly on love. It is as important for Satanists as anybody else.
And is there anything you would like to add?
Well I don’t really have much experience but maybe there are a few things I would add… Firstly sex does change you. It is not the thing of loosing your virginity, it is what happens after that, you begin to think differently and change in other ways… It is not something you can undo. I was lucky but I know some people whose first sexual experiences were not very good or happy. And they are a bit fucked up by that. They need to find their way back and kind of start again. Even I can say for sure it is better to learn about sex in a relationship than in a casual one night stand. So maybe if it starts off bad, people need to get back to the start and look for love more than sex.
Also the places where sex often happens first is at parties or clubs where there is a lot of alcohol and sometimes drugs involved. That is never good. I know some people who had big problems from that. Somebody I know online said if you are drinking at a party or club you should keep an eye on your drink and if you put it down somewhere where you can’t see it, never drink from that glass again in case somebody puts something in it.
I think I am luck that I have you and Cassie and Dad and I can talk to you about things. Some people aren’t so lucky but they should really try to find somebody trustworthy to ask for advice.
Here is a big rule from me. NEVER let your boyfriend/girlfriend/lover of any kind take photos while you are having sex. I can kind of see why people do it sometimes. It can seem kind of fun and kinky. I nearly let it happen once but didn’t. There is a girl in my school who found pictures of herself posted on Facebook and on some other sites. This is something which happens a lot these days and people should be careful. If it does happen though, remember the criminal is the one who took and published the photos, not the person in the picture.
And lastly, Satanists often say Hail Satan and Hail Yourself! Remember you can’t hail yourself unless you respect yourself.
In the last year I have realized I really like sex. But I also realized I like to be fully in control. I know there are some sexual games and fetishes where you give up a bit of control (maybe wearing hand-cuffs for example) but I don’t think these are the kind of things you should do when you are just starting out in sex. There are plenty of other things to experiment with before you get on to bondage and you don’t have to like or do everything straight away.
One of my favourite sayings, which is true for me, is, “I like my coffee black like my soul!” Sophie and I also prefer the dark and bitter types of beer and of course dark chocolate. Is this because we are Satanists? Of course not! I am sure more than half the population enjoy black coffee and a large number of people enjoy dark chocolate and bitter beer, most of whom are not Satanists…
There is a point to this though. Some things which are described as dark and bitter are more socially acceptable than others. In truth most people enjoy things which could be described as dark and bitter but they wouldn’t want to be described as dark and bitter people. Neither would we because such a description usually has very negative connotations. However in the vast spectrum of how things are, and how thing could be, we do position ourselves on the left and identify more with the dark side. Our souls are indeed black and we think they are beautiful that way.
That might disturb some people, but I wonder if they would be any less disturbed if we described ourselves as sweetness and light? I think a lot of people these days are rightly suspicious of anyone or anything that is described as being all sweetness and light. Some of the philosophies we disagree with the most are those which accentuate the merits of sweetness and light to the detriment of all else. While Christianity is often thought of as the nemesis of Satanism, actually some Pagan and New Age philosophies are even more diametrically opposed to our beliefs. We don’t believe the world can be a better place just by wishing it. We don’t believe everything will be okay as long as you think positive thoughts. We don’t believe a smile always makes things okay. We don’t believe in “The Secret” or “The Celestine Prophesy”, although the authors of these modern wisdoms have certainly made a huge profit from them! We don’t believe it is always good to turn the other cheek or that forgiveness is always good or appropriate. We don’t believe that kindness always wins out or even that it is always the best response to a situation. So we are certainly not all sweetness and light and if we are honest with ourselves (which is the essence of the Satanic perspective) we are much more dark and bitter. That is the territory we know best and the point from which we reach out to the world.
Of course it is from that point that we find balance and harmony. Any regular readers of this blog will know that balance and harmony are absolutely essential to us and that in our opinion these concepts should be central to everybody whether they are right hand or left hand path, Satanist, Buddhist, Pagan or Christian… We will no doubt return to the themes of balance and harmony another time and what we have already said on the subject is easy to look up. But that is not the point of this post. This post is to acknowledge that as Satanists we do actively work with and value the darkness and bitterness within us. The parts that other religions and philosophies generally hide, ignore or run away from.
So this post is unapologetically about things which are described as dark and bitter, things which we find within ourselves or which as Satanists we seek out and work with in our daily lives and in our religious rituals.
Few things are steeped in as much darkness and foreboding as death. For that reason many Satanists use imagery and symbols associated with death. I sometimes think that this aspect of Satanism is over emphasised even within our own community for reasons of shock and awe; but still I acknowledge that it can serve a purpose even for myself. Sophie and I have a skull on our altar and we burn red candles on it which symbolise and simulate blood. It puts us immediately in touch with those dark fears and horrors; those realities of death that our culture generally separates itself from. The truth is most of us will age and all of us will die. Our society has separated itself from this fact in a way that was less so in the past. People used to live in bigger, extended families where the generations mixed and illness and death were frequent realities that all people experienced. As a result the fear of death probably has more power over us than in former times. Sophie has lost a parent and I am loosing my mother to dementia; I find getting closer to the organic reality of death, the actual blood and bones is unexpectedly comforting and empowering. Death and ageing scare me less and in fact give me a point of contact with every human who has ever lived. Death is part of our life cycle.
Fear is also something society runs from. Well sometimes that is appropriate, the emotion of fear is primal and is designed to keep us safe and helps us to avoid or run from things that can do us harm. But when it is inappropriate or out of control it can limit us and weaken us. We try to face our fears, to understand what they are and where possible to conquer them. For that reason we do perhaps expose ourselves more to images and aspects of horror. For slightly different reasons we also tend to empathise and sympathise with the archetypes and antiheroes of horror; the oppressed, the different the misunderstood… It wasn’t long ago for example that all witches were generally seen to be evil. Why? Because they had powers and abilities the authorities of the world resented and feared and wanted to control or destroy. We don’t deny that evil exists but we do challenge those who have for so long defined what it is.
We work with energies that some call demons or dark spirits, and in calling them that the implication is that they are evil. Some of them may be, but we prefer to come to our own conclusions about the energies and entities we engage with rather than rely on descriptions and warnings of their enemies.
We try to keep our opinions and view of the world and the people who live in it realistic rather than rosy. We are optimistic about some things and pessimistic about others. We know that shit happens. We can see beauty in the darkest of art because that is often the most honest portrait of our world. We understand there can be more love and warmth in the heart of the downtrodden whore who is familiar with people’s darkest vices, than in the platitudes of the well to do preacher or the kindly spinster who has never fully engaged with the world.
And we indulge our darker vices too. Those pleasures which are often frowned upon or most misunderstood are a landscape we often enjoy exploring. Exploration implies discovery. In seeking pleasure in things that may bend rules or break conventions we learn more about ourselves and the world. Moreover exploration implies finding the best way to do things. People did not find the best route to Australia, the source of the Nile or the South Pole without sailing dangerous waters or taking a lot of personal risks. Of course in doing these things you expose yourself to danger and sometimes get hurt. We accept those risks, whether it is diving into a waterfall or trying a new sexual technique. Would Marco Polo or Captain Cook have preferred to stay safely wrapped up in bed? Exploring the dark side of all things means taking some risks and defying some conventions. It does not however mean sticking your head in the oven to find out what happens. When it comes to sex and other routes to pleasure and growth, exploring the darker side of things requires intelligence, research and a degree of common sense.
I wanted this post to at least hint at those things which constitute the dark side to us and to be up front about the fact that we enjoy and participate in activities which could be perceived in that way. They are often things which go against the grain of popular and religious taste and morality. And yet… My guess is that a lot of people enjoy many of the things spoken of or hinted at here. The dark side is not such a foreign place.
The dark side is also where our anti social and immoral impulses and desires reside. It is where you find hate and jealousy, it is where violence and savagery often lurk. It is where you might find the desire to kill, to hurt or to maim. The point is that EVERYBODY has some or all of these emotions and impulses within them. Perhaps in some they just remain dormant. In others they cause outbursts of damaging behaviour. And in a significant minority these base feelings and desires become the route cause of sociopathic and psychopathic behaviour. We choose to consciously tackle those darker emotions and impulses within us, sometimes through the activities mentioned before, in order to balance ourselves and become more productive and whole. As Satanists we acknowledge that darkness is within us (as well as light) and rather than ignore it or let it fester and grow poisonous, we work with it and use it our personal growth.
I repeat, balance is important and I am sure Sophie and I will stress that in future posts as we have before; however… There will always be people who prefer their coffee white and very sweet; and that is fine, but there will also be those of us who prefer to drink it strong and black. Spiritually the same holds true. We are simply being honest about who and what we are and we think our dark souls are beautiful.
Sophie and I both make a point of inviting the company of, and working with Incubi and Succubi. These entities are considered by many to be dangerous demons that can cause deterioration in health or even death. We do not in fact take that warning lightly and will speak of some potential dangers at the end of this post. For the most part however we are very comfortable in working with demons in general and sexual demons in particular. For those who are less familiar with us or our blog, I d like to explain our perspective on demons first.
Demons are any spiritual entities that Christianity deems to be bad, or against them or on the side of the devil. There are various lists of demons but in general they seem to be anything that the Christian authorities proscribe including the gods and goddesses of other religions. Therefore as Satanists we do not trust the definitions and warnings of a religion which opposes most of what we stand for; and we believe it is wise to test things out and come to our own conclusions. That does not mean we think that all demons are safe and cuddly, and indeed some are far from that; but we find out for ourselves and we make our own choices about the energies and entities we engage with. Further to that, we take precautions and make contact with these things only under guidance and after study. To do otherwise would be stupid and could indeed be dangerous.
We have spoken of demons before in this blog and in short Sophie and I are unsure about exactly what they are. They could be actual entities, energies or manifestations of our own psyche. We think the likely answer is that individual demons could be one or all of the things mentioned. What seems more important to us is how we engage with them and what the effects of that engagement are.
Incubi and Succubi are demons that are mainly associated with sex. We suppose that this fact alone has prejudiced ideas and discussion in the western world, where religious authorities have always tried to police and control the individual’s sexuality and experience. An incubus (nominal form constructed from the Latin verb, incubo, incubare, or “to lie upon”) is a demon in male form who, according to a number of mythological and legendary traditions, lies upon sleepers, especially women, in order to have sexual intercourse with them. Its female counterpart is the succubus. Some traditions hold that an incubus may pursue sexual relations with a woman in order to father a child, for example some versions of Arthurian legend state that Merlin was sired by an Incubus. Christian authorities commonly state that repeated intercourse with an incubus or succubus may result in the deterioration of health, or even death. We feel this says more about their discomfort with masturbation and sexuality in general than anything else. For example;-
“When the semen falls outside of the womb, then because of its corrupted salts certain parasites are formed. These parasites adhere to the Astral Body of the one who created them. Thus, in this way, they absorb the life of their creators. The masturbating males engender “succubi” and the masturbating females engender “incubi.” These larvae incite their creators to incessantly repeat the act of masturbation which gave them life. They have the same color as the air, therefore they cannot be seen by simple sight.” – Samael Aun Weor, Occult Medicine and Practical Magic
“Women who masturbate engender incubi from their spilled seminal fluid. Likewise, men who masturbate engender succubi from their ejaculated semen. Incubi are masculine and the succubi are feminine. These “elementaries” incite their progenitors to repeat the perverted vice that gave them life; they live at the expense of the Vital Body of their progenitors. This is how incubi and succubi physically weaken their victims. […] The phantasmata elementaries wander around at night and go to the beds of fornicators in order to fecundate their spilled seminal fluid, from which countless larvae of all types emerge.” – Samael Aun Weor, Logos Mantra Theurgy
… These germs which are formed in the imagination are born of Amore Heress, which signifies the type of love whereby a man imagines a woman, or vice-versa, in order to copulate with the image created within the sphere of his mind. The expulsion of a useless, ethereal fluid results from this act, incapable of producing offspring but instead bringing larvae into existence. Imagination used in this way gives birth to an exuberant shamelessness which, if pursued, can make a man impotent and a woman sterile, because during the frequent practice of any such unhealthy visualization, much real creative energy is lost. The larvae-egos of lasciviousness are real, thinking, autonomous entities within which a good percentage of consciousness is imprisoned.” – Paracelsus, De Origine Morborum Invisibilium
Paracelsus goes on to say, “the incubus and succubus are parasitical creatures subsisting upon the evil thoughts and emotions of the astral body. These terms are also applied to the superphysical organisms of sorcerers and black magicians. While these larvæ are in no sense imaginary beings, they are, nevertheless, the offspring of the imagination. By the ancient sages they were recognized as the invisible cause of vice because they hover in the ethers surrounding the morally weak and continually incite them to excesses of a degrading nature. For this reason they frequent the atmosphere of the dope den, the dive, and the brothel, where they attach themselves to those unfortunates who have given themselves up to iniquity. By permitting his senses to become deadened through indulgence in habit-forming drugs or alcoholic stimulants, the individual becomes temporarily en rapport with these denizens of the astral plane. – Secret Teachings of All Ages (1928) by Manly P. Hall
(The above texts are abridged from gnosticinformation.org).
Thus if you regard indulging your vices as immoral or sinful Incubi and Saccubi should be avoided. If not,there is the possibility to look at them in a different way, perhaps as sexual healers or teachers.
We feel that in the past (and perhaps still in the present) Incubi, or at least the traditions associated with them, may have been used as a scapegoat for extra marital affairs and the children resulting from such liaisons. More disturbingly we also think that Incubi may often have been blamed for rape so as to avoid dealing with the real culprits.
We see the sexual demons we work with as friends, lovers and teachers. We will not go into any details about how we invoke or evoke these entities in our own practice except to say it involves a lot of meditation, visualisation and other magical techniques, usually before or during sexual activity or shortly before sleep. In our experience the demons then make their presence known during sex or during sleep. Why do we choose to do this? Well, it is part of a learning curve about ourselves. This kind of sex often takes you beyond normal barriers and opens up new spectrums of emotion and sensation. It can and sometimes does change change you in subtle or not so subtle ways. I suppose mostly however we indulge in these activities because we enjoy them very much.
As bisexual women who live as a lesbian couple we certainly enjoy the presence of well endowed Incubi since, by choice, we no longer have much sexual activity with actual men. However, our most frequent demonic partner is a Succubus whom we love and who has taught us (among other things) many new ways to pleasure each other.
As to what these entities and the associated experiences actually are, we do not claim to be sure. We are prepared to believe that to a large degree these are projections of our own subconscious, super-charged fantasies driven by our darker more mysterious side set free by the magical processes we use. And yet sometimes the effects are so intense and physical (yes there are often marks and scars to prove it) that we don’t rule out the possibility that we are engaging with actual beings of some sort. In any case, out of respect we deal with these things from the perspective of the lore and traditions by which we have come to know them.
Be warned though, all dealings with demons whether they are sexual or not, involve a trade off of some kind and the practitioner must be very clear with them-self and the entity in question about what the deal really is.
Also, these kind of activities can be self indulgent and could easily become addictive. The idea that working with sexual demons can sap your strength and vitality even to the point of death does indeed have some truth in it if you lose control. For the experience to be positive and healthy, you must be in control and that means you need to study and do your homework before experimentation. For example there are some Incubi and Succubi who would require you to be monogamous with them which is very important to know from the outset. A demon scorned is going to make your life deeply unpleasant! Even after doing your research and preparation there can be hazards. I consider myself a fairly competent witch with a lot of experience in matters of the occult. Even so, I have made some mistakes in dealing with Incubi, Sacubi and other demons and have suffered consequences. Nobody should embark on these kinds of activities unless they are prepared to study and also learn from mistakes which can sometimes be painful. For the thoughtless and unwary, psychological and physical damage could be significant and permanent.
Once all these warnings have been taken into account however relationships with sexual demons can be enjoyable and rewarding at a very deep level.
Oddly enough, this subject is as close to being taboo as Satanists get. Not that we don’t have sex or are particularly shy or conservative about the subject, it’s just that we don’t tend to talk about it very much openly. There are two main reasons for this. Firstly we tend to regard sex as a non issue. As people who value freedom and independence and who are not governed by the rules and laws that tend to predominate a lot of other religious and philosophical lifestyles we take it as read that people have their own individual sexual tastes, preferences and morals which are none of our business. It is generally not a topic for moral debate. We are human animals with sexual needs and impulses and we live within that reality.
The other reason we don’t talk about it much may be to do with the fact that we are widely regarded as sexually immoral or at least amoral and in popular culture as well as being perceived as being evil we are often believed to indulge in orgies all the time!
The truth is rather less dramatic. As a collection of people we are actually not very different from the rest of society when it comes to sex. Some of us are straight. Some of us are gay or bisexual. Some are transgendered. Some of us are promiscuous and like a lot of sex while others might prefer a good cup of tea and have very little interest in sex at all. Some of us are married or in long term monogamous relationships while others are poly-amorous or are in more fluid relationships. The only thing that unites us in our view of sexuality is that we generally have a live and let live mentality on this subject, although of course we are not totally free of prejudice and bigotry ourselves… In truth our sexual lives, morals and attitudes are almost as diverse as in the rest of society.
In principle though, we don’t see sex as bad or dirty. We don’t believe it has to be bound up in the rules or norms of any given religion or society. We see sex as a normal and healthy function, part of our natural, animalistic nature;- fun, pleasurable, a potential aid to personal growth, a binding force in romantic relationships and a magically powerful act.
What about the orgies then?
Well there are some Satanists who indulge in orgies. They are probably outnumbered ten to one by the non Satanists who also indulge in such things in private parties, swingers clubs and other such groups. Whether I was a Satanist or not, my attitude to such activities is whatever floats your boat, so long as it is always fully consensual. Personally I have never participated in anything I would describe as an orgy but I don’t totally rule it out or judge others who might enjoy such things. However, for the record, participating in orgies is not a normal activity among most of the Satanists I know.
Where the line gets blurred is that there can be an element of sexual activity in various forms of Satanic ritual and magic.
Satanists are of course not alone in employing the use of sex magic. Many witches and magical practitioners use sex magic techniques and not only those of us who consider our path dark or Left Handed. I have been using sex magic as part of my repertoire since fairly early in my career as a witch. For me it has always been a clear and obvious method of raising and directing energy and I have never had any qualms about using it. There are many magical techniques involving sex, many of them derived from Tantra, which are not only effective in achieving magical aims but can also improve overall sexual performance and satisfaction. There are techniques which can be used alone and others which can be used with a partner or even in a group situation. I have used all of these variations at different times. However, sex magic does not always or even often involve any form of intercourse or penetrative sex; mostly it is about becoming more aware of how your body functions and reacts sexually and training yourself to either retain or release energy at will. I would actually recommend learning some of these techniques to people who have no particular desire to use them magically but simply as an aid to personal development and sexual confidence. Of course nobody, Satanist or otherwise, should ever feel forced or obliged to par-take in any activity which goes beyond the boundaries they are comfortable with.
There can also be a sexual element in Satanic rituals even where there is no particular magical intent. Not all Satanists or Satanic groups engage in such things though, and once again, nobody should ever feel forced or coerced into any sexual activity they don’t fully consent to. There are plenty of individual Satanists and Satanic groups that don’t expect or engage in any form of sexual activity. For those who do use sex in ritual the sex can be symbolic or actual and aside from magic it’s purposes can be many-fold, but is most often related to raising energy, bonding, psychological alignment, celebrating the physical self, defying taboo and communion with Satan or Satanic energy. Such rituals usually begin in a controlled and formulaic way, but with such a sexually charged atmosphere there may well be scenes reminiscent of an orgy at the end although it is most often only between pre existing couples and regular partners. It certainly must always and only be between fully consenting adults. And of course individual participants must come to their own decisions about how such activities could affect their own health and their own relationships; Satanism is about personal responsibility after all.
I understand that the very idea of having any form of sexual activity in a “religious” context can seem strange and amoral to some. I do not take that view. Personally I see sex as something beautiful and natural and very human. It has always had a deep spiritual significance to me and does not seem out of place in a religious or spiritual context. Personally I would have more moral qualms about eating the body and drinking the blood of a God/Man; but Christians do that all the time!
Each to their own.
I am sure many people associate darkness with evil and the left hand path with selfishness. It would be hard to imagine finding any sense of balance in such a landscape. Yet balance is what bought me to the left hand path and the dark side of spiritual life. So either I am crazy, or I am looking at things differently. I prefer to think it is the latter!
The success of Fifty Shades Of Grey demonstrates that many people are intrigued and perhaps liberated by the prospect of experiencing what is often described as the darker side of sex. I am very sure there are many more suburban housewives experimenting with aspects BDSM these days as a result of reading and enjoying that book by E L James. Is it evil to admit our desire and taste for dominance or submission or perhaps even to explore the borderline between pleasure and pain? Does the ecstasy we sometimes feel while indulging our darker tastes in the bedroom permanently darken our soul and consign us to an eternity of unpleasantness? Certainly we are engaging with darker and potentially dangerous aspects of our own psyche. But my guess is that the majority of us who explore those territories actually feel more whole, more centred and more liberated as a result. We don’t suddenly become monsters, we still hold down respectable jobs and bring up respectable kids. We just feel better.
On the whole we don’t give ourselves over entirely to dark, wicked, evil, sad, lonely, angry thoughts and desires. But we do find out where they are. We work with them. We integrate them. We find a balance and a wholeness inside ourselves that cannot exist without acknowledging our shadow side.
I have used the example of sex because I think it is something that a lot of my readers will understand and be interested in. But the truth is exploring our darker nature and integrating it works in all other aspects of life in the same way. In our mental processes, in our hobbies, in our work life, in our family life, in our religious, moral and spiritual lives we can only truly find balance if we work with the darker side of our nature; if we engage with our shadow side. The more we ignore or repress things; the less balanced and well we become.
Of course there is always the possibility of becoming obsessed with our darker sides, of giving our inner demons and monsters free reign. Most of us rightly fear the direction that might lead; aggression, violence insanity… We have all heard of sick and dangerous individuals who we would probably call evil. We don’t want to go there. And yet how often do we give thought to the extreme on the other side? People who do not acknowledge darkness at all? Are they any less insane? On that extreme you might find people who are weak, deluded and entirely ineffectual. At best such people tend to be a drain on everybody around them, and at worse they can cause massive problems and harm.
The truth is the majority of us naturally find a balance. One problem is that the borderline between light and dark has been arbitrarily marked out for us by the moral authorities (usually the dominant religion) in the society we inhabit. Who says sex before marriage is wrong? Who says casting spells is wrong? Who says working on a Sunday is wrong? Who says you must prey this way or that way and use this name or that name?
My choice to embrace Satanism (often regarded as a very dark religion) is partly because I find it much easier to navigate the geography there and therefore find a point of balance.
Satanism is regarded (by ourselves and some others) as being a Left Hand Path. In many respects the Left Hand Path is simply a more formalised way to speak of things which some people regard as dark or bad. The left-hand path focuses on the strength and will of the practitioner even if we believe in some form of deity (which many don’t). We tend to challenge authority based on other religions and the taboos of those belief systems. Moreover, the left-hand path is about the elevation and centrality of the self… So yes, we are self centred.
But what does being self centred mean in this context? In my view it certainly does not have to mean being selfish in a negative sense. It means taking an honest and realistic stance and admitting that we are indeed the centres of the world we inhabit. We cannot help but see things from our own perspective first (which does not mean we can’t also try to see things from other perspectives if we choose to). We experience the world through the mind, body and senses of the body we inhabit therefore it is clearly beneficial to maintain ourselves in good condition before thinking about whether we can or should help look after other people. Some people can become selfish. Some Satanists and other Left Hand Pathers probably are selfish sometimes. Sometimes I am. However it seems to me and I think the majority of us on this path that habitual selfishness is self defeating; and therefore not very LHP at all! We need a healthy world and healthy communities to sustain us. We need friends in our communities and in our work places otherwise we will suffer many struggles and setbacks. Moreover we do love, we love passionately. We may love our families and our partners to the degree that we will sometimes choose to put their needs ahead of our own. We may choose to devote our energies to causes or charities that we believe strongly in. If we are wise however, never to the extent that we deny ourselves to the degree that we are damaged and therefore unable to do more… In other words, we find balance.
The Left Hand Path seems to go against the grain of inherited morality. But actually, if people reject the conventions of society and work things out for themselves I think a lot of people would identify as LHP if they were honest with themselves.
In the end however, whether people walk a left hand path or a right hand path, whether they scorn their inner dark-side or embrace it, it is finding balance that is important. I think perhaps the point at which we find balance both defines us as individuals and also becomes our source of power to act in the world.
- Satanic Responsibility (1) (cassiejourney.wordpress.com)
- Satanic Responsibility (2) (cassiejourney.wordpress.com)