I suppose this post is vain, but that is ok, we are Satanists after all!
Apart from being Satanists, another thing our family share is a tattoo fetish. Cassie and I became addicted to ink in our teens. At first our tattoos were small and discrete. After university we both had “respectable” teaching jobs and as this was about twenty years ago when tattoos were not quite so common and popular as they are now, we felt obliged not to get inked anywhere that was too obvious. By the time we met however we felt confident enough in our respective jobs that we encouraged each other to be ever more daring in our inkwork. The result is that by now there is no disguising the fact that we are heavily inked women and when we spot some virgin skin on ourselves we immediately plan how to cover it in ink! Yes, by some people’s standards we will be ugly, ink stained old crones one day. Good. We wear our tats with pride and we love them. I can’t pretend I was worried or concerned when my daughter Tina got her first tattoos. I insisted that she wait until she was sixteen and since then I have made it clear it is up to her what she does with her body and how she decorates it. Cassie and I have tried to encourage her to save her money to get work done by really good tattoo artists, rather than go for anything cheap and quick; and I am pleased to say she has taken our advice. She has turned out to be as addicted to ink as us and these days there is less prejudice against tattoos; so while hidden from everyday view she has more and bigger tattoos than we did at her age.
While doing a bit of research for this post I was amused to find that some extreme Christians regard ALL tattoos as Satanic and I read one article that claimed that getting a tattoo emulates a Satanic blood ritual! On the one hand I find it quite comforting and amusing to think I was being a good Satanist long before I thought I was. On the other hand of course such claims are blatantly ridiculous! And of course there will be some normal Christians reading this who may well have as many tattoos as we do.
It should also be said that there are some Satanists who, for various reasons, don’t think tattoos are a good idea. Clearly we are not in that category. We take the view that we are owners and masters of our own bodies and souls, and what we do with them is our business alone. Ultimately we are the final judges.
Like most people, we started getting tattoos for artistic and aesthetic reasons. We liked the way tattoos looked on other people and imagined how we would look, decorated in a similar way. Once we got started we found we enjoyed both the process and the finished result. Vanity certainly plays a part. We like the way we look with our inked skins. In one way getting a tattoo is like having a new hairstyle or choosing new clothes. It is a lot about projecting an image; being seen in the way you choose to be seen. But tattoos can be a lot more personal and intimate; and in principle they are permanent. Therefore tattoos tend to mark important moments or commitments; while they sit on your skin, they represent what is in your soul.
Also, the process of getting a tattoo does involve a degree of pain and blood. Personally I think the discomfort of the process adds value and meaning to the finished result. Perhaps also there is at least a small element of sado-masichism as well. I have noticed that many of us with tattoos tend to, let’s say, blur the distinctions between pleasure and pain in other areas of life.
While a minority of extreme Christians may regard all tattoos as Satanic, our first tattoos were not intended to be Satanic at all. We did however reflect our spiritual leanings of the time in our tattoo choices. I have several Buddhist inspired tattoos and Cassie has several pagan related ones. We both also have some tattoos that have no obvious spiritual connections; we just think they look nice.
In the picture above however we have tried to highlight the tattoos which do have a satanic connection.
In the top left you can see Tina’s very new goat’s head tattoo which is located in her middle just below her breasts. It is large and was rather expensive and she is very proud of it. She already had a small Baphomet tattoo on her shoulder, but she wanted something more dramatic and darker to mark her more adult commitment to Satanism and her new coven. I already had something similar, but slightly more suggestive, which you can see on the bottom left. For me it symbolises the deep and intimate connection to Satan I have felt for the past few years. You can also see me in the centre picture. There is a circular mandala from my Buddhist days on my stomach and I have had the vine design coming down on to my breasts since I was in my twenties. I added a darker centre-piece to that soon after becoming a Satanist. It is actually based on a design from the Mexican “Day of the Dead” and sort of represents overcoming fears and taboos.
Cassie had the big moth design over her chest before becoming a Satanist, but we think it kind of indicates the way her thoughts were going. She didn’t want anything as obviously “pretty” as a butterfly, but something that can be seen as beautiful or ugly depending on your point of view. It is also something that comes out in the darkness and which is a symbol of metamorphosis and change. Around her waist she has a very intricate Celtic knot band with hundreds of symbols in it and a Satanic pentagram in the centre. Below that, in a fairly intimate position, she has a Lucifer sigil which she had done to mark her “conversion” to Satanism from Paganism.
Our bodies get marked by life whatever happens. Injuries, scars, pregnancy and the aging process all leave their mark together with the blotches, moles, freckles and skin tones we are born with. The idea of permanency bothers some people. Somebody once said to me but suppose you don’t like that design in a few years? And with my more spiritual tattoos people have said but what if you believe different things in the future? My answer is simple. However I may change in the future, the things that are happening now and the things that happened in the past are all part of the process of growth that result in me being me every day. I don’t regret for a second my time as a Buddhist or the tattoos that mark that period; it is still a part of me and was a significant step along the route to me being what I am now. We are all the sum of our parts and of our experiences and tattoos are a way to represent some of those things artistically.
Perhaps Tina will turn away from Satanism one day. (Although I doubt that very much). But who knows, she may give up any form of spirituality or she may become a Born Again Christian. (I’m really in the land of fantasy now!) But even in that case, the fact that she once was a very committed Satanist and has that experience in her mind and soul reflected by a tattoo on her body, will still be a hugely important factor in what makes her the person she is at that time.
There are some Satanic and other religious or spiritual groups which require significant and sometimes dramatic signs and rituals to confirm membership or commitment and I can see why such a big spiritual decision could be seen to require that. For us however, a tattoo serves that purpose, and can be much more personal and beautiful.
While the following article has a few flaws and mistakes we like it. (Even though it describes Theistic Satanists as a fringe group)!
It is a bit over simplistic and probably paints us as a bit whiter and nicer than some of us are; but it is a fairer than average portrayal of modern Satanism.
It is New Year’s Day. We sit in a hotel room in southern England for a few days post Saturnalia holiday to see family, old friends and old coven family. We are all quite hung-over and quite travel weary after a week of celebrations followed by fog caused flight delays and travel changes. Time for our alcohol addled brains to reflect on 2016 and look forward to a New Year.
Tina. 2016 was a big year for me. I turned 16, did a lot of growing up, discovered sex and other vices and enjoyed myself a lot! I also had my first tattoos, first serious boyfriend and all sorts of other firsts. Around me the world seemed to be going mad. My Mum and Cassie seemed quite worried about political things going on in the world but I wasn’t too concerned. I kind of felt invincible like the time for me and my generation is coming… It doesn’t matter if some crazy politicians screw things up because the people of my generation will put things right eventually. Personally I won’t show any mercy to the people who caused the mess we will have to deal with though…
For 2017 I will try my best to study and keep my marks high. This will be harder than it has been in the past because there are so many other things which are much more fun that I would like to do at the same time! Sometime this year I will go to America which I always wanted to do, but now that there will be an idiot in charge it seems like a less important ambition than it used to be… In the next few days I am going to get to know people from the Satanic Coven Cassie belonged to when she lived in England and I hope to make some good contacts there. I want to be able to be more open with more people about being a Satanist. I think I can get away with that more easily than my mother or Cassie can. Anyway, personally I have given up all things that people call morals and I will live by Satanic principle alone. I will write more about that in my own blog.
Sophie. 2016 was a year where my role as a mother changed substantially. Where Tina is concerned I decided to let go as much as I could and I have enjoyed watching her develop as a person… Perhaps I would have been the same as she is now if my parents had been Satanists. She has embraced adulthood and a lot of the hedonistic freedoms that go with the beliefs and lifestyle we have all chosen. I have seen many other mothers grow distant to their children during this phase of life but I feel that Tina and I have actually grown closer as sisters in Satan. I have found however that my maternal instincts have come to the fore in our coven where my role has expanded a lot this year and I have found that very satisfying. With Cassie away working a lot of the time I have taken over the everyday running of the coven and it is surprising just how “motherly” a role that is, even in a group of people that defy conventions and love their independence. Watching our members grow and discover their true selves within Satanism has given me a lot of pleasure. The same is true for my relationship with Cassie.
For the year ahead I want to see us all continue to grow and develop, leaving behind any remanents of pre satanic thought. For our own group and for myself I am confident that that will happen. When I think about the wider world I am more troubled. Perhaps change, even scary and dramatic change, is a good thing in the end, but it will mean difficult and testing times for many people and for the world itself. Just when the major powers were beginning to take climate change seriously we get President Trump who seems set to dramatically reverse what little progress there has been. And politics in general seems to be in melt-down. I think Satanists are called to act wisely to secure the future for ourselves and our children.
Cassie. For me 2016 was a year of even more travel than normal, a lot of hard work and increased responsibilities in my job. I loved it, but I realised that even I have limits when it comes to energy and stamina! Maybe in the coming year I need to pace myself a bit better. On my Satanic path it has been a year of twists and turns that have caused me to think deeply about things and re-evaluate my attitudes and some beliefs. This is good! I must say I have also taken great pleasure in seeing what some would call the corruption of my adopted daughter and what I call her growth, development and empowerment as a Satanic adult. She is going to be a force to be recconned with!
Politically this year has been a disaster with the growth of mindless popularism and prejudice on both sides of the Atlantic resulting in Brexit and Trump. Brexit will hit me personally quite a lot in work and my home life. I don’t know if the company I work for can continue to exist if Brexit goes ahead. And in order to secure a future for me and Sophie I am probably going to have to give up British citizenship and become either Swiss or Irish.
I think 2017 will be very painful indeed in terms of politics and world affairs. Trump and Putin on the same side… More calamity in Syria and the Middle East. More right wing popularist movements in Europe… The Brexit mess going ahead despite the fact that more and more people are realising what an utter disaster it will be for the UK…
I have become quite politically active in the past year in opposition to Brexit and part of my plan for the new year is to be more effective in that but also to pace myself and keep things in perspective. Spiritually I don’t have any specific plans except to keep learning and growing. I’m starting a new forum (details on request) and have a few ideas for our coven to persue…
We wish all our followers and readers all the best for 2017. Blessings from the Satanic Ladies!
Recently I was berated by an (ex) acquaintance who said I have corrupted my own daughter, that Cassie had corrupted me and we had all been corrupted by Satan! Perhaps it is true, but if so, I view this entirely differently than the person who was intending to insult me or perhaps shame me. I think I was supposed to feel that I have lost my moral principles and that Cassie and I have lead our own daughter into a dangerous path of evil and depravity. But what does that actually mean?
“Corrupted” is a word with several meanings. I don’t think even the idiot previously referred to meant it in the financial sense it is often used in. To quote dictionary.com;-
“dishonest or fraudulent conduct by those in power, typically involving bribery”
No, it was meant in the following sense; again from dictionary.com:-
“the action or effect of making someone or something morally depraved.
synonyms: sin, sinfulness, ungodliness, unrighteousness, profanity, impiety, impurity;
immorality, depravity, vice, iniquity, turpitude, degeneracy, perversion, pervertedness, debauchery, dissolution, dissoluteness, decadence, profligacy, wantonness, indecency, lasciviousness, lewdness, lechery;
wickedness, evil, baseness, vileness”
Okay, to some of that I will plead guilty although I would dispute the use or the meaning of some of those synonyms such as degeneracy, indecency and vileness! We are not vile! Anyway the problem is always who is the judge and what is the measure of such things?
I’ll accept that by some people’s measures we are sinful, impure, decadent and that we use profanities and enjoy a fair amount of vice and debauchery. But isn’t it interesting that in this list of supposedly bad behaviour most of the things are related just to sex or generally any language, action or philosophy which questions religious authority. There is nothing in that list that attributes the same degree of evil or depravity to the other meaning of corruption. There is nothing there which suggests it is wrong to squander the world’s resources. There is nothing there which directly states it might be vile to be torture animals or people. There is nothing which questions the morality of arms production and war mongering.
No. If you fuck and if you use the word fuck you are corrupt and depraved. But there is no equivalent linguistic and moral reprimand if you torture animals for kicks or napalm children in Syria. Oh, and if you are a Godly priest we will turn a blind eye to what you are doing with little boys.
My moral compass had diverged a long way from the western Christian map points it was supposed to be attuned with long before I met Cassie. When Cassie introduced me to Satanism however for the first time I felt justified in coming to my own conclusions about what was right and wrong. Satanism empowered me to be responsible for myself and to make intelligent decisions about was right and wrong for me. Satanism demands that you throw out all preconceptions and really start from your own first principles. It forces everybody who embraces it to grow up and leave behind philosophy and morals based on fairy tales and herd mentality. I don’t for a second regret that my daughter has taken Satanic ideas and philosophy to her heart. It has enabled her to leap frog most of her contemporaries in terms of maturity and life experience. I am very proud of the strong young adult that she has become. Yes she is beginning to enjoy some of the debauchery and vice that Cassie and I also enjoy. Should I be ashamed that she has lost her innocence?
No. There is a lot of confusion between innocence and ignorance. Certainly adopting Satanic values has lead all three of us to lose our ignorance. My daughter is not ignorant of sex, of pleasure, of vice. Nor is she ignorant of pain or suffering or the ugly side of humanity. But I would say that she, Cassie and myself are still innocent in the most important way. None of us have lost our sense of wonder when we look at the world and the universe beyond. We see beauty in art and in nature. We are amazed by discoveries in astronomy and quantum mechanics. We take delight in seeing children learn and animals survive against the odds. These things still and always will touch our souls. And this sense of awe and wonder is not diminished by the fact that we walk a Left Hand Path, that we engage with the darker sides of ourselves and of life in general. In fact knowing our darker selves only increases our respect for the universe as it is and strengthens our ability to thrive in an imperfect world.
I never wanted to remain a quiet, softly spoken virgin. I never wanted to be a dependent child all my life. I never wanted these things for my daughter either. So I guess by many people’s standards I have been corrupted and am corrupt. I plead guilty to leading my daughter in the same way.
Some people will always fear the words Satan and Satanism. Many will always associate Satanism with all that they regard as bad, sinful and corrupt. But many of those same people will never really think about what their inherited morality means, never mind what it lacks.
I don’t care if some people think I am corrupt and depraved or even if they think I have lead my daughter into corruption. But I don’t think we have been corrupted by Satan. Rather, I believe that Satan has educated and enlightened us. I think that Satanism has liberated us and allowed us to think freely. Satanism is self empowerment, a gift I would never deny my daughter.
Post by Cassie
It is only just over 4 years ago that I wrote a post on my personal blog which was in effect my “Coming Out” as a Satanist. It hardly seems possible that so much has happened and changed in my life since then. At first I deleted the “coming out” post for all sorts of personal reasons and because I was afraid of the backlash and criticism I would receive. So my first steps into Satanic life were rather timid. However, I did reinstate that post and held fast to the decision I had made. In those early months I think I felt that actually I would find a middle path that was somewhere between Satanism and the kind of eclectic paganism I had been following up to that point. A lot of Satanic writing and precepts seemed a bit too radical, self centered and even brutal to me. But I put my faith and trust in Satan and took a leap into the dark… Now I suppose I find some of my early posts from a Satanic perspective to be far too apologetic; seeking approval and acceptance. Well, it’s a journey and you learn along the way. I learnt in big dramatic steps. Within months I was fully immersed in Satanic life, believing in and participating in things I would have bulked at a few months earlier. Within a year I was writing about Satanism with much more confidence and authority, I was deeply involved in a Satanic Coven and in various online Satanic circles. My soul was darker and my heart was probably harder. Meanwhile I got a girlfriend and adopted a daughter who both became Satanists and together our Satanic journey accelerated even further.
And now my lover and I run our own Satanic Coven. There are no half measures. We are not espousing any form of watered down middle path. Ours is a fully and exclusively left hand path. We reject all other moral systems and values and live by Satanic principles and will alone. There is nothing timid or half-hearted about our beliefs. We are Satanists. Accept it or fuck off.
But is that where the story ends? So nice little Cassie gives her soul to Satan and becomes a foul mouthed, hard arsed bitch… Is that it? Is that anything worth reading about, let alone celebrating? Is that a point at which anybody who has followed the story so far can say “Oh that was cool!” or “Told you so!” or even “What a shame!”
Well don’t worry, this is not the end. This is just a taking stock. The journey continues. The journey never ends.
It is true though… I am not as “nice” as I once was. I certainly can be a foul mouthed, hard arsed bitch and I enjoy giving that aspect of myself free reign sometimes. I no longer have any shame about the darker aspects of myself, or about expressing them when the need arises. So since I am taking stock, lets look in a bit more detail at the ways Satanism has changed and helped me.
Perhaps the most important thing in the early days was that Satanism helped me to cope with the illness and death of my mother. It was complicated and difficult but I think that without the hardened edge and support network that Satan provided me with, I would have broken down. It was also at that time (coincidence?) that I met my life partner and her daughter and inherited a new family. My love and passion for Sophie began on a high but has steadily increased as we have both become ever more deeply involved in Satanism. And while I will probably never give birth myself, I couldn’t love my adopted daughter more. Her presence totally activated my maternal instincts and hormones and helped me to grow in ways I would never have imagined possible. Now she is old enough to begin making her own way in the adult world and I couldn’t be prouder of her. (More about that later).
Satanism allowed me to know myself better, to shamelessly indulge in my passions and pleasures, and to grow in confidence in leaps and bounds. That confidence has lead to several promotions and thus to a much more enjoyable, rewarding and lucrative work life. I am earning more money than I thought possible a few years ago, I am living in a very comfortable apartment in an expensive city but can still afford just about any luxury or pleasure that takes my fancy. While I have a few unhealthy vices, I am fit, active, happy and relaxed and therefore in very good health. Sophie and I are both approaching the phase of life that used to be known as “middle age” but I think we could both pass ourselves off as “twentysomethings” if we wanted to. And our own coven has given us both the opportunity to develop our maternal and organisational skills in new ways. Gradually we have become quite influential in wider Satanic circles. So it is as if in work, social, personal and coven life all limits and barriers have been removed.
So while people who used to know the nicer Cassie might regret the harder edge they see now, I am thoroughly grateful to Satan for the person I have become and the limitless opportunities ahead of me.
I am aware that there are elements of this post which I have spoken of before, not so long ago, and that is a bit of a problem… Looking back through this blog, we have already covered most of the themes that are important to us. We don’t want to get repetitive…
The thrust of this post so far might seem to be saying “Look we are fully immersed in Satanism now and everything is great;- end of story.” But that is not it.
There will be challenges ahead and we are not so naive as to think all our problems are over and this is where we stay now. No, life is always a journey. There are always new things to learn and experience in any path and it is no different for us. I think the three of us are Satanic to the core of our beings and that will probably not change. But how we live that out in the reality of the everyday world will always pose questions and challenges for us. We will continue to share what we learn from those experiences in this blog and we will continue to write about any themes that seem important to us. But since we have covered quite a lot of ground already we will probably not be posting to this blog as often as in the past. We do not want to be repeating ourselves too much.
However we have encouraged Tina to start a blog of her own. She has a very different perspective and voice to Sophie and myself. Sophie and I came to Satanism in our thirties after a lot of spiritual searching and all sorts of different life experiences. Tina, on the other hand, has been brought up in the centre of a Satanic family. In terms of philosophy and religion, Satanism is pretty much her normality in a way that certainly wasn’t the case for us, or for most people… Also, at sixteen, as she begins to explore adult life in general, her concerns and interests are quite different from our own. All three of us are aware there is not much quality material around for younger people who are interested in Satanism, certainly not much that we would recommend. Sophie and I are confident that Tina will become a good and knowledgeable example of a young Satanist. We hope she will indeed keep her blog going and we are curious to see what she will say.
So, while Sophie and I may be posting here a little less often in future, the journey of this Satanic family continues in many ways.
You can visit Tina’s blog here.
From time to time we get asked for advice on how to explore Satan and Satanism. Some of the seekers are more genuine than others and some are just stupid or insane! We generally don’t respond to people who want tips on how to sell their soul to the devil or what diabolical acts they should commit to be loved by Satan. However, from time to time we get rational enquiries from genuine seekers who have already done some of the leg-work and research. We are more than happy to answer such people and give what tips we can. We recently had correspondence from a person we shall call P and this post is an extended answer to some of the thoughts and questions he put to us.
The first thing I should say is that we are three Satanists who all came to Satan in our own individual way for our own individual reasons. And that statement is probably true for most people who identify as Satanists. In other words there is no “one size fits all” way of exploring Satanism or of being a Satanist. Any advice we offer here is quite general and may not be meaningful to everybody.
Here is a segment of what P asked us. “I am searching into deeper understandings of life and have come to a point where i am having to explore my hidden aspects or at least maybe aspects that i have chosen to ignore previously or even just plain forgot!! i… studied a bit to be a priest of…….. and also for a while i have trained as a …….. healer i am aware that i now need to explore the truth of satan as i do increasingly feel connected and need to express this in a truthful deep and understanding way. I feel a great love also and enjoy writing poetry affirmations dedicated to satan so would appreciate your guidance in any way that you feel appropriate for me…”
It seems to us that P has already taken the first important steps which involving crossing the frontier between viewing everything associated with Satan as taboo and forbidden, to recognizing that there is something of value in Satanism which is obscured by other traditions and prejudices. Or to put it another way; he has had the courage to follow the call into once forbidden territories. There must be many who hear that call and never respond, perhaps out of fear or perhaps out of indifference. We also think that P has a big advantage in that he has obviously explored a number of quite different spiritual paths already. We think it helps greatly to have a variety of different spiritual and philosophical experiences. Those who have no such experience or those who are escaping from Christianity tend to come to Satan with very limited and blinkered expectations that can get in the way of real progression and insight.
Moreover, P states that a large part of his motivation is to explore hidden aspects of himself. In our opinion this is a pretty much a prerequisite for any exploration of Satanism. Before you even begin to think about what kind of Satanist you might eventually become (or not) you have to be prepared to visit the dark side of yourself, your shadow, and incorporate that fully into your persona. There is a very heavy element of Jungian psychology involved here and it wouldn’t do any harm to study a bit of Jung as part of the journey. In some respects we regard much of the ritual and drama that can be involved in Satanic practice as a physical and practical outworking of Jungian ideas; freeing oneself from repression and integrating the shadow into the whole self.
Other obvious tips would be to read widely around Satanic topics in books or on the internet and be prepared to sort the gems from the rubbish (of which there is much). In the end of course the individual has to decide what they honestly agree with (even when they are surprised to find themselves in agreement) and what they regard as rubbish or worse. I would advise most people to read more generally about the occult as well (particularly if this is a new area for them) and to learn and practice whatever forms of magic they are drawn to (which can include hard science psychology, physics and chemistry).
And in the midst of all this, approach Satan himself. (You may be an atheistic Satanist; in which case Satan can be seen as an aspect of your deeper self, but even so the use of the name Satan opens channels to great knowledge and power). This is an important step but comes with a warning. Satan, whatever you conceive him/it to be, IS powerful and is not to be messed with. All of us who have gone through this process are changed by it and doing so in the wrong way, with the wrong attitude or wrong state of mind can cause problems;- serious problems. Think of it this way; if you come to a new love in your life full of affirmations of love, respect and dedication and then change your mind a few days later, or worse your affirmations were nothing more than a ploy to get your lover into bed (to experiment with him or her) how do you think this perspective lover would react? And Satan is, well, far more powerful and influential than any other jilted lover is ever going to be.
With Satan, honesty is the best policy. If you are not sure about something, say so. Don’t pretend. Honesty shows respect and perhaps that should come before dedication.
There are various ways to approach Satan and P’s way (writing poetry and affirmations dedicated to Satan) seems like a gentle and respectful way of opening the door (take note of our warning about honesty though). Anything which involves focused thought and meditation is useful in approaching Satan. Those who have studied meditation in any form may find it useful to use the methods they are familiar with, but art, music, dance, drama and poetry can be equally valid and effective ways to focus and open the mind. This is best done at the same time as reading and learning about Satanism.
At some point in this process an answer will come. It is possible that the answer from Satan or from your deeper self will be that Satanism is NOT the path for you. If that is the case, those of us who do identify as Satanists should give you respect for an honest and open inquiry and wish you luck on your continuing spiritual search. If however you come to feel that Satanism in one of it’s many forms is right for you, it is still your choice whether to walk through that door and invite Satan or Satanic Energy fully into your life. Once you have made that choice there isn’t really any way back and you will certainly feel changed and empowered. But you should also be prepared for your views and perspectives on many things to change, your way of living may change substantially and you may lose friends or find that you have to be more secretive and circumspect about many things. Some of these adaptions can be painful and difficult. So while there are many advantages in losing the shackles and sheep mentality that play a large part in most people’s lives, there are drawbacks too which you should try to prepare for.
So to anybody in the early stages of exploring Satanism, good for you! You have already shown a willingness to explore areas many would rather avoid. This shows a certain amount of courage and open mindedness. But our advice is take it slow, showing respect for yourself and the new ideas you will be flirting with. Give yourself time to really think things through. Be prepared for the possibility that Satanism may, after all, not be your thing. But also be prepared for the fact that it might be and, if so, things in your life will almost certainly change.
You may consider reaching out to other Satanists or Satanic groups and covens. Be respectful but discerning. Never put yourself in danger or in a situation where you don’t feel comfortable.
Finally, to reiterate, Satanism is a very individualistic path and each person’s route into it and life as a Satanist will be their own unique thing. We wish all who are genuinely searching in this direction all the best.
Cassie, Sophie, Tina.
I guess in many people’s opinion I am a bad person. I am self centred and I admit to having a big ego. I can be harsh or even cruel if I decide to be. I probably seem to be amoral. I blaspheme, I swear, I drink and smoke and enjoy many other vices. I have sex with both men and women. My sexual tastes can be quite dark, some might say perverse. I like erotica and even some fairly hardcore porn. My girlfriend and I make up our own relationship rules. In life I do sometimes lie and cheat (though, not with my girlfriend). I have no hesitation in taking revenge as and when it serves my purpose. If it suited my needs or purposes there is probably no law I wouldn’t break or sin I wouldn’t commit. So yes, I guess those things make me “bad” in many people’s eyes. Then when you add the fact that I am a fairly open and active Satanist, I run a Satanic coven, I organise and participate in Satanic Rituals and practice what some call black magic; and that I acknowledge Satan as my ultimate archetype, guide and inspiration… Then I guess some would say I have crossed the line between merely being bad and actually being evil.
But it wasn’t always that way. Believe it or not I was a quite sweet and innocent child. Even as a teenager and young adult, while not entirely innocent, I was generally seen as a nice, kind young woman who always meant well (and that probably isn’t a bad description of who I was then). Fortunately the devil was always whispering in my ear; some would say leading me astray, but I would say leading me to self discovery and self awareness.
But it might not have been that way. If Satan hadn’t tempted me off the safer path there are many pleasures I would not have experienced, there are many aspects of my darker self and desires I would never have known. Of course some would argue that would have been better. And that the nicer, more wholesome version of Cassie was a much better person. I disagree. Knowing myself better than most people do, I’d like to examine what that nicer version of myself might have been.
To be honest it is hard to imagine those little whispers from the devil never being there, they were always the things that gave me the edge and gave me the confidence to be more adventurous. Without them well… I doubt I would have lived and worked abroad before starting my university studies; but it was those experiences that helped me to grow up and learn. There are a lot of people I would never have met. There are a lot of musicians I would never have gone drinking with. So there are a lot of people who are important to me now who would have had no impact on my life.
If I had ignored temptation I would certainly have had less sexual experience with men and I would probably never have even kissed a girl. And if that had been the case I wouldn’t now be living with a woman whom I love and I wouldn’t have a teenage daughter whom I adore. In fact I wouldn’t be living in Zurich and this little corner of love and security would not be part of my life at all.
Without exploring temptation I would probably have played safe with my relationships. I would probably have married and possibly divorced by now. We’d be two basically nice people who wondered what went wrong. Perhaps we’d spend our days trying to do the right things for our kids. I wouldn’t have the job I have now, I would have lacked the predatory instincts to go for the promotions that have brought me success. Besides all the travel I have to do wouldn’t be doable if I had a couple of kids from a broken marriage to look after.
Spiritually I would be lost. My path was always leading somewhere but if I consistently ignored all the signs of where I was supposed to go I would eventually have given up. I’d probably compensate by being over practical and I would hear myself saying things like “Spirituality and philosophy are for young people with too much time on their hands and no responsibility.”
On the other hand I would probably be a “nicer” person, or at least seemed to be. I would alway have been kind. I would always have offered a helping hand to anybody. I would always be a shoulder anybody could lean on. But what would that mean actually? The brutal truth is I would have wasted a lot of time giving sensible advice to people who were never going to take it. I would have claimed to give energy to people when in fact I didn’t have energy to spare. I would often have offered platitudes without really being able to do anything practical to help. I would have tried to help people who didn’t really want or need help. I would have been a victim to every kind of psychic and emotional vampire. And it would never have entered my mind to do anything mean, nasty or vengeful. And the result of all that, I suspect, is that I would have become very depressed and disillusioned.
Satan has certainly given me a much harder edge. An edge that protects me and makes me strong and successful. But the thing which I hope is clear to those who know me best, is that actually I am still a rather kind and caring person; it’s just that my kindness is better directed. In fact without being bound to some of the restraints that many religions and philosophies place on people, I am able to do more for people whom I believe deserve my help and compassion. And in the wider world I am still a political leftist in most things, I still care about social issues and I do what I can to help causes I believe have merit.
Why am I saying all this now. Well, several reasons. Firstly, for personal reasons there are a few people who might be reading this that I want to explain my choices to and perhaps this post will give an insight. Secondly I imagine there may be a few people reading this who may find my experience useful in coming to decisions of their own. But mainly I just want to thank Satan for his patient work with me. Converting to a totally Satanic mindset is the best thing I have ever done. I’m glad I am not the nice but naïve woman I could have become. There is nothing of that more innocent and wholesome Cassie I want back. I like the person Satanism has allowed me to become and the lifestyle I enjoy without guilt or regrets. Some people may think I am bad or even evil. I don’t care. Those concepts no longer have much meaning to me and I think if more people intellectually examined them they might find that such things as bad and evil are ambiguous or relative at best…
I am still on a path. The spiritual journey never ends. There is always much to learn. But I have no doubt of what my chosen path is. I sincerely thank the devil for his continuing guidance and inspiration.
Hail Satan! Hail the real me!