While the following article has a few flaws and mistakes we like it. (Even though it describes Theistic Satanists as a fringe group)!
It is a bit over simplistic and probably paints us as a bit whiter and nicer than some of us are; but it is a fairer than average portrayal of modern Satanism.
Recently I was berated by an (ex) acquaintance who said I have corrupted my own daughter, that Cassie had corrupted me and we had all been corrupted by Satan! Perhaps it is true, but if so, I view this entirely differently than the person who was intending to insult me or perhaps shame me. I think I was supposed to feel that I have lost my moral principles and that Cassie and I have lead our own daughter into a dangerous path of evil and depravity. But what does that actually mean?
“Corrupted” is a word with several meanings. I don’t think even the idiot previously referred to meant it in the financial sense it is often used in. To quote dictionary.com;-
“dishonest or fraudulent conduct by those in power, typically involving bribery”
No, it was meant in the following sense; again from dictionary.com:-
“the action or effect of making someone or something morally depraved.
synonyms: sin, sinfulness, ungodliness, unrighteousness, profanity, impiety, impurity;
immorality, depravity, vice, iniquity, turpitude, degeneracy, perversion, pervertedness, debauchery, dissolution, dissoluteness, decadence, profligacy, wantonness, indecency, lasciviousness, lewdness, lechery;
wickedness, evil, baseness, vileness”
Okay, to some of that I will plead guilty although I would dispute the use or the meaning of some of those synonyms such as degeneracy, indecency and vileness! We are not vile! Anyway the problem is always who is the judge and what is the measure of such things?
I’ll accept that by some people’s measures we are sinful, impure, decadent and that we use profanities and enjoy a fair amount of vice and debauchery. But isn’t it interesting that in this list of supposedly bad behaviour most of the things are related just to sex or generally any language, action or philosophy which questions religious authority. There is nothing in that list that attributes the same degree of evil or depravity to the other meaning of corruption. There is nothing there which suggests it is wrong to squander the world’s resources. There is nothing there which directly states it might be vile to be torture animals or people. There is nothing which questions the morality of arms production and war mongering.
No. If you fuck and if you use the word fuck you are corrupt and depraved. But there is no equivalent linguistic and moral reprimand if you torture animals for kicks or napalm children in Syria. Oh, and if you are a Godly priest we will turn a blind eye to what you are doing with little boys.
My moral compass had diverged a long way from the western Christian map points it was supposed to be attuned with long before I met Cassie. When Cassie introduced me to Satanism however for the first time I felt justified in coming to my own conclusions about what was right and wrong. Satanism empowered me to be responsible for myself and to make intelligent decisions about was right and wrong for me. Satanism demands that you throw out all preconceptions and really start from your own first principles. It forces everybody who embraces it to grow up and leave behind philosophy and morals based on fairy tales and herd mentality. I don’t for a second regret that my daughter has taken Satanic ideas and philosophy to her heart. It has enabled her to leap frog most of her contemporaries in terms of maturity and life experience. I am very proud of the strong young adult that she has become. Yes she is beginning to enjoy some of the debauchery and vice that Cassie and I also enjoy. Should I be ashamed that she has lost her innocence?
No. There is a lot of confusion between innocence and ignorance. Certainly adopting Satanic values has lead all three of us to lose our ignorance. My daughter is not ignorant of sex, of pleasure, of vice. Nor is she ignorant of pain or suffering or the ugly side of humanity. But I would say that she, Cassie and myself are still innocent in the most important way. None of us have lost our sense of wonder when we look at the world and the universe beyond. We see beauty in art and in nature. We are amazed by discoveries in astronomy and quantum mechanics. We take delight in seeing children learn and animals survive against the odds. These things still and always will touch our souls. And this sense of awe and wonder is not diminished by the fact that we walk a Left Hand Path, that we engage with the darker sides of ourselves and of life in general. In fact knowing our darker selves only increases our respect for the universe as it is and strengthens our ability to thrive in an imperfect world.
I never wanted to remain a quiet, softly spoken virgin. I never wanted to be a dependent child all my life. I never wanted these things for my daughter either. So I guess by many people’s standards I have been corrupted and am corrupt. I plead guilty to leading my daughter in the same way.
Some people will always fear the words Satan and Satanism. Many will always associate Satanism with all that they regard as bad, sinful and corrupt. But many of those same people will never really think about what their inherited morality means, never mind what it lacks.
I don’t care if some people think I am corrupt and depraved or even if they think I have lead my daughter into corruption. But I don’t think we have been corrupted by Satan. Rather, I believe that Satan has educated and enlightened us. I think that Satanism has liberated us and allowed us to think freely. Satanism is self empowerment, a gift I would never deny my daughter.
This is a post to mark a right of passage, as much for me as for my daughter. But it makes sense for Tina to speak first.
Tina speaking… Unlike my mother or Cassie I have never really been interested in or experienced any religion or philosophy except Satanism. It is true that I got interested in it because it was so important to them but since I started finding out about it myself I never really had any doubts about it. It is also true that I became a Satanist at the same time I started to change from a girl into a woman and I suppose the two things are connected.
Some months ago I started to have some doubts about continuing with Satanism. It wasn’t because I stopped believing; it was just because a lot of other things were happening (school, study, boyfriends etc) and also I was a bit frustrated with being on the fringe of things at home. (Mum and Cassie are very busy with their coven and I get on well with all those people but can’t join in with anything. I am friends with the children of the coven members but most of them are not my age and anyway, strange to say, none of them are actually Satanists themselves. The only Satanists of my own age I am in contact with are online contacts and that is not the same as real life.). So I thought maybe I should just let go of Satanism for a while and concentrate on other things. Mum and Cassie were perfectly fine with that. But the problem was I couldn’t let it go. It was already too much part of my life. I have been learning witchcraft for quite a few years already and I couldn’t “not” be a witch. And I couldn’t stop being a Satanist either, it is what I am. So instead of leaving Satanism I went the other way. I did a big, deep and dark ritual of self dedication to Satan. And then I felt that connection and power surge that my mum and Cassie have spoken about before. In some ways I think it changed me even more than losing my virginity (which also happened during the last year).
So now I feel supercharged as a Satanist and strangely it doesn’t bother me now that I have to wait a year or two before officially joining the coven. I feel I have my own relationship with Satan now. And while I know I still have lots to learn about just about everything I am an adult now. Childhood is over and I am fully enjoying being a young adult. I will sin. I will indulge. I will learn. I will grow.
I am keeping this short and missing things out but obviously while all this was happening there were lots of long discussions with my mother and Cassie. I think as a result of all that, my relationship with my mum has changed. It was always a good relationship but now I think it is a more equal and adult one. But I will let her explain…
Sophie again… All relationships grow and change including the mother/daughter relationship. The fact that my daughter and I share broadly the same religious and philosophical beliefs has certainly helped in the past few years and I believe there has been far less conflict between us than some mothers and daughters experience. However we are indeed both Satanists and that has repercussions and consequences. Simply put, in order to be true to the beliefs and philosophy we share I have had to allow her to grow at her own pace and embark on adult life free of many of the restrictions I experienced and free of the guilt that I and many others experienced living in a world dominated by Christian values.
Only a couple of years ago when puberty was just beginning to take effect, I could still think of my daughter as essentially a child. Although she was already starting to change into a woman physically and mentally, I still saw her mainly as my little girl to be nurtured and protected. And I think even she would agree that in many ways she was still a child and was mostly quite happy to be treated as such. One of her first grown up decisions was to become a Satanist. Cassie and I discouraged her quite strongly at first, believing that it would be better for her to have more experience of life before deciding on any religion or philosophy; let alone one as outside the mainstream as Satanism is. But she was strong-willed, determined and persistent and eventually we decided it was best to respect her decision and guide her on that path as best we could. And so Satan became one of the guiding lights and cornerstones of her development as an adult. Cassie and I thought perhaps it was just a phase and we would have been ready to accept it if she had said she wanted to back out or just focus her energies on the less spiritual aspects of adolescence. But it was not just a phase. Her adulthood has blossomed within a Satanic household in which we value knowledge, pleasure and experience and where we have no great reverence for innocence and certainly no respect for ignorance.
And now sitting opposite me, Tina is an intelligent, quick witted and beautiful young woman who shares some of my beliefs and many of my pleasures and vices. But she is her own woman. She disagrees with me on some things (even concerning Satanism) and she has many interests and aspirations that have never been mine. She will always be my daughter, blood of my blood and I will always love her and be there for her in that capacity. But I also love the Satanic woman that she has become and respect her as the individual she has chosen to be. In some ways her Satanism is more pure than mine and there is much I can learn from her. We are both now daughters of Satan and go forward as equals and friends.
I guess in many people’s opinion I am a bad person. I am self centred and I admit to having a big ego. I can be harsh or even cruel if I decide to be. I probably seem to be amoral. I blaspheme, I swear, I drink and smoke and enjoy many other vices. I have sex with both men and women. My sexual tastes can be quite dark, some might say perverse. I like erotica and even some fairly hardcore porn. My girlfriend and I make up our own relationship rules. In life I do sometimes lie and cheat (though, not with my girlfriend). I have no hesitation in taking revenge as and when it serves my purpose. If it suited my needs or purposes there is probably no law I wouldn’t break or sin I wouldn’t commit. So yes, I guess those things make me “bad” in many people’s eyes. Then when you add the fact that I am a fairly open and active Satanist, I run a Satanic coven, I organise and participate in Satanic Rituals and practice what some call black magic; and that I acknowledge Satan as my ultimate archetype, guide and inspiration… Then I guess some would say I have crossed the line between merely being bad and actually being evil.
But it wasn’t always that way. Believe it or not I was a quite sweet and innocent child. Even as a teenager and young adult, while not entirely innocent, I was generally seen as a nice, kind young woman who always meant well (and that probably isn’t a bad description of who I was then). Fortunately the devil was always whispering in my ear; some would say leading me astray, but I would say leading me to self discovery and self awareness.
But it might not have been that way. If Satan hadn’t tempted me off the safer path there are many pleasures I would not have experienced, there are many aspects of my darker self and desires I would never have known. Of course some would argue that would have been better. And that the nicer, more wholesome version of Cassie was a much better person. I disagree. Knowing myself better than most people do, I’d like to examine what that nicer version of myself might have been.
To be honest it is hard to imagine those little whispers from the devil never being there, they were always the things that gave me the edge and gave me the confidence to be more adventurous. Without them well… I doubt I would have lived and worked abroad before starting my university studies; but it was those experiences that helped me to grow up and learn. There are a lot of people I would never have met. There are a lot of musicians I would never have gone drinking with. So there are a lot of people who are important to me now who would have had no impact on my life.
If I had ignored temptation I would certainly have had less sexual experience with men and I would probably never have even kissed a girl. And if that had been the case I wouldn’t now be living with a woman whom I love and I wouldn’t have a teenage daughter whom I adore. In fact I wouldn’t be living in Zurich and this little corner of love and security would not be part of my life at all.
Without exploring temptation I would probably have played safe with my relationships. I would probably have married and possibly divorced by now. We’d be two basically nice people who wondered what went wrong. Perhaps we’d spend our days trying to do the right things for our kids. I wouldn’t have the job I have now, I would have lacked the predatory instincts to go for the promotions that have brought me success. Besides all the travel I have to do wouldn’t be doable if I had a couple of kids from a broken marriage to look after.
Spiritually I would be lost. My path was always leading somewhere but if I consistently ignored all the signs of where I was supposed to go I would eventually have given up. I’d probably compensate by being over practical and I would hear myself saying things like “Spirituality and philosophy are for young people with too much time on their hands and no responsibility.”
On the other hand I would probably be a “nicer” person, or at least seemed to be. I would alway have been kind. I would always have offered a helping hand to anybody. I would always be a shoulder anybody could lean on. But what would that mean actually? The brutal truth is I would have wasted a lot of time giving sensible advice to people who were never going to take it. I would have claimed to give energy to people when in fact I didn’t have energy to spare. I would often have offered platitudes without really being able to do anything practical to help. I would have tried to help people who didn’t really want or need help. I would have been a victim to every kind of psychic and emotional vampire. And it would never have entered my mind to do anything mean, nasty or vengeful. And the result of all that, I suspect, is that I would have become very depressed and disillusioned.
Satan has certainly given me a much harder edge. An edge that protects me and makes me strong and successful. But the thing which I hope is clear to those who know me best, is that actually I am still a rather kind and caring person; it’s just that my kindness is better directed. In fact without being bound to some of the restraints that many religions and philosophies place on people, I am able to do more for people whom I believe deserve my help and compassion. And in the wider world I am still a political leftist in most things, I still care about social issues and I do what I can to help causes I believe have merit.
Why am I saying all this now. Well, several reasons. Firstly, for personal reasons there are a few people who might be reading this that I want to explain my choices to and perhaps this post will give an insight. Secondly I imagine there may be a few people reading this who may find my experience useful in coming to decisions of their own. But mainly I just want to thank Satan for his patient work with me. Converting to a totally Satanic mindset is the best thing I have ever done. I’m glad I am not the nice but naïve woman I could have become. There is nothing of that more innocent and wholesome Cassie I want back. I like the person Satanism has allowed me to become and the lifestyle I enjoy without guilt or regrets. Some people may think I am bad or even evil. I don’t care. Those concepts no longer have much meaning to me and I think if more people intellectually examined them they might find that such things as bad and evil are ambiguous or relative at best…
I am still on a path. The spiritual journey never ends. There is always much to learn. But I have no doubt of what my chosen path is. I sincerely thank the devil for his continuing guidance and inspiration.
Hail Satan! Hail the real me!
Post by Sophie
It must be clear by now to any regular readers that Satanism is fundamental to our family. All three of us take Satanism very seriously and it underpins most, if not all of what we do and say in every aspect of our lives. Cassie and I run a Satanic coven, an enterprise which takes up an increasingly large amount of our lives. Our daughter Tina is just as committed as we are and is beginning her adult life fully grounded in Satanic values and knowledge. We are all going to hell and enjoying the route that leads there.
But, we are not just Satanists…
What I mean by that is that we have ordinary lives and frankly not every moment of our lives is taken up with things that are overtly Satanic. I think that is important. One of the biggest faults and failings of every religion; of all religion, is that people can be consumed by it and in many respects driven insane by it. It can indeed be the opium of the masses. In my opinion whenever religion replaces rationality it is wrong. Whenever people get so swept up in their religious beliefs that they lose their reason or common sense they are in very dangerous territory and indeed may become a danger to those around them as well. This is where fanaticism begins.
It was fanatical maniacs who killed innocent people at a rock concert in France and an airport in Belgium. It is religious fanatics who frequently bomb their neighbors in Afghanistan and the Middle East. It is religious lunatics who bomb abortion clinics. There are religious fanatics who want to rule large swathes of the world and kill anybody who stands in their way. These same people fear the power that education could give the people they want to dominate. And throughout history it has often (in fact nearly always) been religious fanaticism that has driven violence, war and the destruction of whole cultures. It doesn’t matter what brand of religion these fanatics claim to represent; Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism or even Buddhism: all religions have their share of blood on their hands as a result of mindless fanaticism.
Satanism should be different; it is after all an anti-religion. But you can’t be a Satanist for long without realising that we also have our share of fanatics. Cassie and I have, for example, heard of Satanists who advocate burning down churches. Such people are rare idiots but it would be dishonest to claim Satanism was without its share of fanatical lunatics.
This is a direction our family and our coven spern. Thus we feel it is important to be grounded in the reality of everyday life. In essence that is a large part of what Satanism is about;- vital existence; celebrating real life.
Cassie and I love each other deeply but we have our differences and our fights like anybody else. We both work very hard. We have bills we have to pay. We have groceries to buy. We have a car to run. We do housework. Cassie travels a lot. She enjoys it but she gets tired. We both fight with our employers sometimes and get drunk with our co-workers. We both like to think our jobs mean something and we take them seriously. I sometimes spend hours marking and feel like death afterwards. I sometimes cry with happiness when a student makes a breakthrough. Cassie is totally OCD in her preparation but she gets a buzz out of being a leading figure in her company. We like to shop. We like to chill. We love good food. We drink. We smoke. We get stoned. We like planning trips and holidays we may or may not have. By this stage our daughter shares a lot of our bad habits but she is a good student and she studies hard. She loves to meet her friends and listen to her music. She volunteers at a zoo and at a farm. She is interested in the news. She likes improving her languages. And now she has a boyfriend and is fully engaged in her first real relationship.
These are the things that keep us grounded and sane. We would never deny our Satanism. It is incredibly important to all three of us. But we are real people with real lives and if that were not the case our Satanic principles would be meaningless and potentially dangerous.
We are Satanists. But we are not “just” Satanists.
I have been meaning to write a post on the pros and cons of group or coven Satanism compared with Solitary Satanism for quite a while, so here it is; or a first try anyway.
A short piece of personal background. I started off very much as a solitary Satanist, but from the beginning I was in contact with other Satanists over the Internet in various ways. I then met Sophie so then we were two, then three including our daughter; and eventually Sophie and I started our own coven. As a result I have looked at this subject from several perspectives.
I will start off by saying that in my opinion all Satanists are essentially solitary even if they regularly or occasionally work with others. Individualism is a cornerstone of Satanism, so while we can, and I think sometimes should, collaborate with other Satanists; we never stop being the authors of our own individual lives and beliefs. Any group that demands we conform to beliefs or practices which we don’t agree with is a group to be avoided. With that said it is still usually possible to find groups with which it is enjoyable and beneficial to collaborate and cooperate.
I will talk about the possible benefits of working with other Satanists first, but also raise some reservations. In the end I will come back to my first point that we are all essentially solitary.
For the vast majority of us the decision to become or identify as a Satanist is a very profound and deeply personal thing that happens very much within our heart, mind and soul. It is liberating but marks a huge departure from the mainstream of public opinion. We are choosing to follow a way that is very misunderstood and thought of as perverse and evil by many. It is therefore comforting to meet and get to know others on a similar path and deeply satisfying to be able to be your true self in front of others without the need of excuses or explanations. These days many of those encounters are likely to be over the Internet on various forums where distance is not an issue. Sometimes these encounters will be helpful and fulfilling and could be the start of meaningful friendships between like minded people. These connections can be very important in gaining knowledge via other people’s experiences. There must be caution however because there are a lot of creeps and idiots posing as Satanists on the Internet (some of whom genuinely believe they Are Satanists) who are dangerous and can do a lot of harm to individuals and the real Satanic community.
Assuming you navigate your first encounters with other Satanists carefully and successfully you may want to reach out for closer, more personal, deeper and sometimes more intimate connections with other Satanists. There could be several reasons for this. Some are naturally more social than others and simply want to physically spend time in the company of other Satanists. Those who practice greater magic may feel that their knowledge and power will be magnified by working closely with others. Many will understand the power of drama in ritual with others to unlock and unleash the Satanic mind more fully. For myself it was a mixture of all these things plus a desire to feel immersed in Satanic thought, life and culture that drew me into seeking out and joining a coven.
I was lucky in that I found a suitable coven fairly quickly; for others geography and other factors can make finding the right coven take much longer. It is worth spending time over and you should never join a group which makes you feel uncomfortable or where there is pressure to do things you don’t want to. The intelligent Satanist will wait and may ultimately decide it is better to remain solitary than hook up with people you don’t want to be associated with. I felt nurtured and educated by my coven and that being with them gave me the space and confidence to become my true self. Now Sophie and I have our own coven which is both a social group of people who have roughly the same philosophy and hopefully a caring community which promotes the personal growth of each member. Some of our meetings are purely social but we feel we grow by working magic and engaging in ritual with each other. Again there is a sense of freedom and liberation that comes from full and shameless engagement with the diabolical realm in the company of other dark souls. So for us being in a coven is an important part of our Satanic life and experience. It is not and does not have to be that way for everybody however.
While I enjoy the dramatic, ritual and ceremonial aspects of working in a coven and the comradery that goes with that, I still acknowledge that Satanism is essentially a path of personal and intellectual growth and development. You don’t always need anyone else to facilitate that. Indeed for the Satanist (even those of us who believe in a Satanic entity of some sort) I would argue that it is essential to rely first and foremost on one’s self and none other. Many people can and do go through their Satanic lives keeping their philosophical or spiritual views very much to themselves. Very often it is both wise and useful to keep your head down and not draw unwelcome attention. Sometimes this can be the most effective way to live out Satanic principles in everyday life. It is a truism that some of the most dedicated Satanists are people whom the the gullible masses would never suspect of being such.
There are probably far more Satanists who do their own private thing than those who are actually members of groups or covens. There are many advantages in not having to compromise with others in perusing your own beliefs and personal development. Thus for many Satanists the lone path is the path of choice. Even for those who would ultimately like to engage more with other Satanists the lone path can be educational and empowering. And the lone path is where we all begin.
Even while working in a group every Satanist is an individual whose path is unique and whose priority is the empowerment of his or her self. We are all different. Some of us may want or need the company of others as an aspect of expressing ourselves and our beliefs, others don’t. We have chosen a path of self empowerment and we must make our own experiments and choices when it comes to crafting our own lives unrestrained by the norms or taboos of society. Certainly we should not be restrained by the views of other Satanists.
Coven or solitary? It’s whatever works best for you. And there is no reason we can’t be both.
Earlier this year our good friend Blau Stern died in an accident. We were all really shocked. I didn’t know him as well as my Mum or Cassie but he wrote some nice comments on my posts and always seemed to be very supportive of me. I was really sad when he died.
He seemed to accept me for who I am without asking dumb questions or treating me differently because of my age.He sort of felt a bit like an uncle. He wrote some very complicated things in his blog which I didn’t always understand but I liked reading his stuff anyway .I’m not sure I will ever know as much about magic as he did, but I do kind of hope that when I’m older I really understand some of the complicated magical and occult things he was into.
I want to be a wise witch. I want the occult to be part of every moment of my life. I want to understand Satan and Satanism as well as anybody can. I want to be a good example of what it is to be a Satanist like my mother and Cassie are.
Halloween is a time when we believe the veil between life and death is thin. Some believe the spirits of the dead return at this time of year. I don’t really believe that exactly; but I do believe it is a time of year when the things people think are dark or scary are closer. So with that as the background, this is a kind of letter to Blau Stern just saying where I’m at and what my plans are now.
I am fifteen years old. So I’m still young but I am not a child. And I don’t want to be a child any more. That doesn’t mean I am all grown up; obviously. But really I’m not a child. That part is over. Satanists are hungry for knowledge and experience and I am a 15 year old Satanist. Or to put it another way, I am choosing to eat the apple of knowledge, leave the garden of Eden and go my own way and be my own Goddess.
I chose to be a Satanist over a year ago and I don’t regret it at all. As I get older perhaps I understand what that decision means more and more and I am more convinced every day. I guess it is about choosing sides and priorities. I am on the side of Satan. I am an enemy of his enemies. I am a friend of his friends. I look to Satan for guidance because I believe Satan is my true self. I am on the Left Hand Path of spiritual things. I start with myself and look outwards from there. In magic and ritual I work with the forces that others call dark. I am learning about demons and I will work with them. I like animals and see myself as just another animal; but one with a mind that can learn and grow. For morals I will learn from the people I respect and use Satanic teachings as my main guide but I don’t believe in good or evil. Everything depends on the situation.
I want to thank my Mum and Dad and Cassie for keeping me safe and making me have a really great childhood. It was the best! But now I want to make more and more of my own decisions and take responsibility for my own actions. I know my parents and Cassie won’t let me do that fully just yet, but I will be pushing!
So this Halloween while the Coven have their ritual I will make my own. I will rededicate myself to Satan and my ritual will be more complicated and darker than last year. I will be saying goodbye to my childhood and putting it behind me forever. I will be taking my first steps into the adult world…
And what will change? Nothing much at first I think. But sooner or later… I will study because i want to go to university in a few years time. But now I have to choose which subjects to concentrate on in the next few years. It will certainly be biology and some other sciences but I may do English as well as I already have a kind of cheat head start on that. I hope there will be a Satanists group at uni, if not I will start one!
Next spring there is a school trip to America which I hope to be on. I want some tattoos but mum says I have to wait until I’m at least 16.We will see… As a compromise I am going to have some piercings.
I don’t have a serious boyfriend at the moment, but there are plenty around who suddenly seem to like me. I think there will be some developments on that soon.
Halloween or Samhain is a time of change. It is a time of year when even people on a Right Hand Path celebrate the darker things in life. Some people are afraid of those things. I am not. As well as Blau Stern our family lost somebody else very special to us this year. If this is a time when we are closer to those who have died I welcome it. Death is part of life and nothing to be afraid of. One day I will die. Before that happens I want to live. I want to live a lot. I want to explore. I want to experiment. I want to have adventures.
Some people, (probably most people) go through life being afraid of the darker things in life and even the darker things in themselves. As a Satanist I am lucky that I don’t have to be afraid or ashamed of the darker things in me. I think that gives me an advantage and a head start in many ways.
So this Halloween will be a doorway. I will step through it leaving innocence and childhood behind me. And then me and my dark little soul will walk forward in the direction I have chosen.