I recently got a notification from WordPress that it is ten years since I started blogging here (where has the time gone)? It seemed like a prompt to write something. I have been neglecting this blog while getting on with other projects, work and life in general. I don’t want to do a post looking back to ten years ago and charting how things have changed; I have done enough of those for the time being. When I started thinking about what to write there were several different ideas that came to mind but it seemed to me they all came under a similar theme; Living Satanism. There are going to be three parts to this which I hope to complete over a short period of time so that I can then get on with other things. In the second part I’d like to talk a bit about the coven Sophie and I run. We haven’t mentioned it much in our blogs but I suppose in some ways it is one of the clearest and most obvious aspects of our lives as Satanists. In the third part I want to talk about a journey I have been on;- exploring the darker elements of my life and my soul and coming to some conclusions about what that has taught me… So far… But I will begin with a fairly short and simple update on what my family and I have been up to and where we are at in our lives.
I have been very busy at work and that means I have been travelling more than ever. So far this year I have not been out of Europe but I haven’t had much time at home. I have been to every corner of Germany and have spent time in Austria, Italy, Spain, France, The Czech Republic and Romania. Having a whole weekend at home in Zurich has become a bit of a rare luxury. When it happens Sophie and I try to do nothing but relax, eat, drink and enjoy the wicked pleasures that we Satanic, omnisexual women are famous for! When I can’t get home, we sometimes try and arrange to meet up at swinger parties in locations close to where I am working. This has become a significant aspect of our lives and might be mentioned more in the third part of this little series of blog entries.
I am not sure if I mentioned it here previously but I have now got a Swiss passport. The ongoing, idiotic, Brexit mess of my home country became too much to bare. Besides which I can’t afford not to have a passport which guarantees me free movement in Europe. Switzerland is not actually in the EU but has so many bilateral agreements it might just as well be. Most importantly, it IS in the schengen free movement area. So yes, I’m turning into a Swiss person… I even have a bit of a Zurich accent!
When I have time, I have been writing a book about Satanism. It has had several false starts but seems to be progressing a bit more smoothly now. I am hoping to get it published sometime next year, but I’m not making any promises yet.
That’s enough about me for now; I will say more in parts two and three.
Sophie has become our coven mother and does all the hard work organising the coven since I am seldom at home between meetings. This takes up a fair amount of her time and she is very good at it. Her life has changed considerably over the last year and will do even more so from now on. She has resigned from her full time teaching job and will now only work as a consultant for the school on a part time basis. This will actually allow her to focus more on the aspects of the job that mean the most to her, starting with a project to set up a kind of half way house for students who cannot live at home while finishing their final years at school. Hopefully she will also have more free time as well. She has started painting a lot more which is great and we have some plans for her to do an exhibition next year. She is also doing more musical projects and is playing regularly in a band now.
Leonie is enjoying university life and is working and playing very hard. During the summer she has been doing an internship with a country vet and when that has finished she is going to Ibiza to party for a couple of weeks before her studies begin again. I get to meet up with her once every couple of months and it is always fun. It is fair to say she has very fully embraced all aspects of Satanic life. She is a lot like I was at her age but braver and more wicked than I would have dared to be at the same age. But the thinks deeply about stuff and I am impressed with the things she writes in her blog Femme Diabolique. It’s like reading my thoughts through the lens of somebody who has never really been anything but a Satanist.
That’s all for this post. In the next part of this short series I want to talk about our coven. What does a Satanic Coven do, what does it mean? Is it essential to Satanic life? How does it work? And what kind of people are members of such a thing?
My daughter Léonie recently celebrated her nineteenth birthday. She is an adult in every way now, though still my child of course. Apparently some mothers feel sad and depressed when their children start to grow up, when they begin to leave their innocent childhood behind and start behaving as adults. Honestly, I never felt that. Perhaps because of my Satanic philosophy and lifestyle, or perhaps just because it is the way I am, while I enjoyed and cherished Léonie as a child I always wanted her to grow up and become an empowered young woman. For me that was always the mission and purpose of being a mother; to protect and nurture the child and help her become a wise and intelligent adult who could take care of herself. I believe I have succeeded.
Only five years ago, when she was then 14, I remember when she announced one night that she had started smoking. Some may think I should have been shocked or angry, but in fact, being the wicked woman that I am, I was actually quite pleased. We sat down at the kitchen table and smoked together for the first time and I saw my first glimpse of a more grown up Léonie. The transformation had begun. Some months later she told Cassie and I that she was also a Satanist. We actually didn’t want her to make such a big decision as that at her age and we only accepted it with a pinch of salt, thinking she would change her mind. But we underestimated her conviction. She read, she learned and she took it all very seriously. She has continued to do so ever since. By the time she was sixteen she had become interested in boys and sex. But while some daughters might have been secretive about such things, she came to me and asked to have a serious chat about things which lead eventually to me accompanying her to the birth control clinic. I saw this not only as a sign that she was growing up rapidly, but also as a sign that she was growing up wisely. It made me proud.
A week ago Cassie and I took Léonie to Berlin to celebrate her birthday. It was a busy and highly enjoyable few days with a mixture of culture and night life, well to be honest on this occasion nightlife fun took priority. For me it was nice to spend time in the company of my adult daughter; just two Satanic women out to have fun and debauchery! It was clear from the start that Léonie has her own tastes and ideas and is a very free spirit indeed. Of course, as a mother, there are a few of her tastes and choices that I may not fully agree with or approve of, but she is generally wise, rational and very independent so I think I have less to worry about than some mothers. Overall, she is a bright and fun woman I’d be happy to spend time with as a friend even if we weren’t related.
The reason I am referring so much to my daughter and praising her up in this post, is to promote her own blog which I will detail later. The reason for that is that Cassie and I have been neglecting this blog a bit recently and in truth that situation is likely to continue for a while. There are two main reasons for this. Firstly we are simply both very busy with our jobs and our lives. Secondly, when we do get round to writing a blog post these days, we often quickly realise that we are repeating something we already said months or years before. I guess there is nothing wrong with repetition sometimes but too much of it feels stale and uninspiring. Léonie, on the other hand, has a new and fresh perspective. Unlike Cassie or myself she was brought up in a Satanic family and embraced Satanism from early in her teens. It has pretty much always been her world view and she approaches everything she does from that perspective and with the energy her youth gives her. Her views are very similar to ours, but as regular readers will know, no two Satanists believe exactly the same. So I feel her blog, Femme Diabolique, has a freshness and vitality that some of our readers might enjoy while our own posts remain a bit sporadic. I think in some ways she is bolder and less tactful than us. She is part of the next generation and is never afraid to speak her mind or challenge conventions.
Cassie and I will continue blogging here, but there is no way we can increase our post count at the moment. So if you want to maintain or increase your exposure to us wicked ladies, please do check out and follow Léonie’s blog! Femme Diabolique
A reflection by Cassie
It is New Year 2018 and I sit amidst the detritus of a week of parties and hedonistic excess. My girlfriend and my daughter have indulged themselves as much as I have. For the entire week we have only had contact with fellow Satanists. Perhaps more than ever before we have let our inhibitions go, indulged our vices and wilfully sinned to the maximum. All this framed with Satanic imagery, language and ritual. We are living the Satanic dream.I take a look at my naked self in the mirror on the wall and in my mind’s eye. I am naked and unashamed. I guess I am still in the mother phase of a witch’s life, but I am also a crone who can conjure the maiden glamour with ease. This body has known the darkest sensual and carnal delights. Most of my skin is marked with ink; my beliefs and personal landmarks etched into my flesh with blood, many symbols and images rich in diabolical meaning. I am totally defined by my Satanic beliefs and lifestyle. I am the kind of Satanist that would have disturbed and terrified me a decade ago. And that is a good reason to pause and reflect. The holiday is over and normal work life will resume soon, but first a time to think…
My only New Year’s resolution is to be a good Satanist. But what does that mean?
Satanism, like any other spiritual or religious practice, is a continuous journey. We are always on the path, learning lessons and moving forward, although the journey can take unexpected twists and turns at any moment. Our purpose is to develop and evolve, to become all that we are capable of in this lifetime and, perhaps, beyond that.
I am a Theistic Satanist. Against my scientific leaning I have come to acknowledge the reality of a force or being called Satan (known by some as The Devil) in the world and in my life. I love Satan. I love The Devil. He is my friend, my guide, my master and my God. I desire to be like him in nature and in essence and I have felt my mind, body and soul transformed, molecule by molecule since my commitment to him. It is with pride and thankfulness that I feel I can truly say I am now Satanic to the core of my being.
Many, perhaps the vast majority of people in the world, consider Satan to be evil. Even so, I am on his side. I consider hell as my spiritual home and it’s demons as my spiritual breathren. Whatever the consequences, I have chosen my side. If Satan is evil then, so am I. Yes I fully understand and acknowledge that in most people’s opinion I am evil. If evil defines my god then it also defines me; and I am not ashamed.
I renounce all other moral values and have committed to living by Satanic will and Satanic imperatives alone. In that respect I will be a good Satanist; for I will be a total Satanist in all that I do and believe. Moreover I will lead my family and my coven in that direction and take great pleasure in seeing each and every one of us, particularly my girlfriend and my daughter, fully shed all vestiges of our previous nature and become purely Satanic beings.
And yet… And yet…
Three years ago my mother died. She was a good and kind person and would have wanted me to resemble her in that at least. I miss her every day and would not want to let her down. She was not a member of any particular religious denomination but had what she would have considered to be broadly Christian values. She was somebody whom I could always talk to and whose opinion I respected. She accepted the various phases of life I went through and encouraged me on my spiritual searching. She didn’t necessarily agree with all the twists and turns my in my spiritual life, but she was interested and asked the right questions… She protected me as a child and accepted me as an adult. She was unphased by my bisexuality, and simply said that she hoped I would find somebody who would make me happy (which has happened). I used to talk to her about everything. But by the time I was becoming seriously interested in Satanism, the disease that would finally kill her had already started to ravish her mind. I wasn’t able to have serious conversations with her about anything anymore. And now with hindsight and with knowledge of the previous week’s kink and debauchery loud in my mind, I have to say that in all honesty I am not sure if she would understand, let alone approve of, the person I have become. And that hurts me. But I have made my bed and I must lie in it. Even if my mother couldn’t approve of all my choices, I am who and what I am.
When I became seriously intent on becoming a Satanist it was because I had heard his voice calling out to me from the depths of pagan tradition and even Christian scriptures. There was this dark and shadowy figure, a horned god, a green man, a force of nature; who had been imprisoned in the darker shodows of western tradition. His only crime, as far as I could see, was that he was NOT Christian and that he and his followers represented a threat to the religious authorities of the time. Time and again I was drawn back to the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and the way in which they were “tempted” by Satan in the guise of an “evil” serpent. When the wool is pulled away from your eyes it is clear that the real evil character in that story is the “God” who wants to keep his children ignorant and enslaved so that they can never challenge him, and the hero is the serpent Satan who is encouraging the people to learn and grow and become independent. This is the Satan the Church authorities are afraid of and don’t want ordinary people to know about; Satan the empowerer, the liberateror. Satan is NOT EVIL and neither are we who follow him unless we choose to be.
Of course those of us who have knowledge and power could be evil if we chose to be; but it rather goes against the essence of Modern Satanism which emphasises taking control and responsibility for our lives. Evil in reality is the blissful abandonment of personal responsibility. It is a temptation I, and many others have had. Evil is living without care for the consequences our immediate desires and actions have on ourselves or others. “X” wants “Y” but “Z” is in the way so “X” kills “Z”. Evil is not caring about the fate of “Z”; and it is a very appealing and addictive way of being in which you can do anything at all without any concern about the consequences. But that is not what being a Satanist actually is. Satanism is about taking responsibility for yourself which logically means a degree of responsibility for those you interact with. In fact being evil is a luxury Satanists don’t have.
And anyway why should we Satanists allow ourselves and our behaviours to be defined by the enemies of freedom and personal empowerment? If they say we are evil, the reverse is probably the truth.
We live in a world where penguins in Antarctica are being poisoned by plastics we throw into the sea in Europe and America but I am evil because I blaspheme?
We live in a world of corruption where the rich routinely steal from the poor but I’m the evil one because I like Satan?
We live in a world where children and babies drown in the sea trying escape the bombs we supply to all sides but I am the evil one because I like kinky sex?
We live in a world where we have forgotten or just don’t care about the horrors of the holocaust and where extreme right wing popularism which despises education and knowledge is on the rise, yet it is me who is evil because I call myself a Satanist?
Perhaps it is about time we all got real! And I challenge everyone reading this (Satanist or Non Satanist) to seriously think about and dare to challenge their perspectives of what good and evil are.
As for myself, I am hedonistic and kinky as hell. I’m a witch who practices Satanic magic and ritual. I swear, I curse, I blaspheme. And I wouldn’t change a thing. I have examined and lived Satanic philosophy and find it is a perfect fit for me. I will be a good Satanist in that I will live filly in accordance with Satanic values. But I will also be good in the way my mother would understand; I will be kind and helpful wherever it seems worthwhile; and in that and other ways I will probably contribute more positive things to the world than most of those who condemn me. And as my mother raised me, I will raise my daughter with an urge for self discovery and independence and I will help and support her even when I question her choices.
If I ever get the chance to have a meaningful conversation with my mother again I am sure she will raise her eyebrows in response to some of the debauchery I have come to enjoy, and there are elements of my Satanic beliefs and lifestyle that will take a lot of explaining; but overall… I hope I will make her proud.
Now, with all that being said, it is time for me to sign off. I feel I have said all I have to say about Satanism on this blog for the time being. I am working on a book which may surface during the next year or so. In the meantime I will leave this blog in the capable hands of Sophie and Tina who have different voices and perspectives on Satanism.
I wish all our readers and especially those who have supported me in the past few years the very best wishes for the year ahead.
It is New Year’s Day. We sit in a hotel room in southern England for a few days post Saturnalia holiday to see family, old friends and old coven family. We are all quite hung-over and quite travel weary after a week of celebrations followed by fog caused flight delays and travel changes. Time for our alcohol addled brains to reflect on 2016 and look forward to a New Year.
Tina. 2016 was a big year for me. I turned 16, did a lot of growing up, discovered sex and other vices and enjoyed myself a lot! I also had my first tattoos, first serious boyfriend and all sorts of other firsts. Around me the world seemed to be going mad. My Mum and Cassie seemed quite worried about political things going on in the world but I wasn’t too concerned. I kind of felt invincible like the time for me and my generation is coming… It doesn’t matter if some crazy politicians screw things up because the people of my generation will put things right eventually. Personally I won’t show any mercy to the people who caused the mess we will have to deal with though…
For 2017 I will try my best to study and keep my marks high. This will be harder than it has been in the past because there are so many other things which are much more fun that I would like to do at the same time! Sometime this year I will go to America which I always wanted to do, but now that there will be an idiot in charge it seems like a less important ambition than it used to be… In the next few days I am going to get to know people from the Satanic Coven Cassie belonged to when she lived in England and I hope to make some good contacts there. I want to be able to be more open with more people about being a Satanist. I think I can get away with that more easily than my mother or Cassie can. Anyway, personally I have given up all things that people call morals and I will live by Satanic principle alone. I will write more about that in my own blog.
Sophie. 2016 was a year where my role as a mother changed substantially. Where Tina is concerned I decided to let go as much as I could and I have enjoyed watching her develop as a person… Perhaps I would have been the same as she is now if my parents had been Satanists. She has embraced adulthood and a lot of the hedonistic freedoms that go with the beliefs and lifestyle we have all chosen. I have seen many other mothers grow distant to their children during this phase of life but I feel that Tina and I have actually grown closer as sisters in Satan. I have found however that my maternal instincts have come to the fore in our coven where my role has expanded a lot this year and I have found that very satisfying. With Cassie away working a lot of the time I have taken over the everyday running of the coven and it is surprising just how “motherly” a role that is, even in a group of people that defy conventions and love their independence. Watching our members grow and discover their true selves within Satanism has given me a lot of pleasure. The same is true for my relationship with Cassie.
For the year ahead I want to see us all continue to grow and develop, leaving behind any remanents of pre satanic thought. For our own group and for myself I am confident that that will happen. When I think about the wider world I am more troubled. Perhaps change, even scary and dramatic change, is a good thing in the end, but it will mean difficult and testing times for many people and for the world itself. Just when the major powers were beginning to take climate change seriously we get President Trump who seems set to dramatically reverse what little progress there has been. And politics in general seems to be in melt-down. I think Satanists are called to act wisely to secure the future for ourselves and our children.
Cassie. For me 2016 was a year of even more travel than normal, a lot of hard work and increased responsibilities in my job. I loved it, but I realised that even I have limits when it comes to energy and stamina! Maybe in the coming year I need to pace myself a bit better. On my Satanic path it has been a year of twists and turns that have caused me to think deeply about things and re-evaluate my attitudes and some beliefs. This is good! I must say I have also taken great pleasure in seeing what some would call the corruption of my adopted daughter and what I call her growth, development and empowerment as a Satanic adult. She is going to be a force to be recconned with!
Politically this year has been a disaster with the growth of mindless popularism and prejudice on both sides of the Atlantic resulting in Brexit and Trump. Brexit will hit me personally quite a lot in work and my home life. I don’t know if the company I work for can continue to exist if Brexit goes ahead. And in order to secure a future for me and Sophie I am probably going to have to give up British citizenship and become either Swiss or Irish.
I think 2017 will be very painful indeed in terms of politics and world affairs. Trump and Putin on the same side… More calamity in Syria and the Middle East. More right wing popularist movements in Europe… The Brexit mess going ahead despite the fact that more and more people are realising what an utter disaster it will be for the UK…
I have become quite politically active in the past year in opposition to Brexit and part of my plan for the new year is to be more effective in that but also to pace myself and keep things in perspective. Spiritually I don’t have any specific plans except to keep learning and growing. I’m starting a new forum (details on request) and have a few ideas for our coven to persue…
We wish all our followers and readers all the best for 2017. Blessings from the Satanic Ladies!
Post by Cassie
It is only just over 4 years ago that I wrote a post on my personal blog which was in effect my “Coming Out” as a Satanist. It hardly seems possible that so much has happened and changed in my life since then. At first I deleted the “coming out” post for all sorts of personal reasons and because I was afraid of the backlash and criticism I would receive. So my first steps into Satanic life were rather timid. However, I did reinstate that post and held fast to the decision I had made. In those early months I think I felt that actually I would find a middle path that was somewhere between Satanism and the kind of eclectic paganism I had been following up to that point. A lot of Satanic writing and precepts seemed a bit too radical, self centered and even brutal to me. But I put my faith and trust in Satan and took a leap into the dark… Now I suppose I find some of my early posts from a Satanic perspective to be far too apologetic; seeking approval and acceptance. Well, it’s a journey and you learn along the way. I learnt in big dramatic steps. Within months I was fully immersed in Satanic life, believing in and participating in things I would have bulked at a few months earlier. Within a year I was writing about Satanism with much more confidence and authority, I was deeply involved in a Satanic Coven and in various online Satanic circles. My soul was darker and my heart was probably harder. Meanwhile I got a girlfriend and adopted a daughter who both became Satanists and together our Satanic journey accelerated even further.
And now my lover and I run our own Satanic Coven. There are no half measures. We are not espousing any form of watered down middle path. Ours is a fully and exclusively left hand path. We reject all other moral systems and values and live by Satanic principles and will alone. There is nothing timid or half-hearted about our beliefs. We are Satanists. Accept it or fuck off.
But is that where the story ends? So nice little Cassie gives her soul to Satan and becomes a foul mouthed, hard arsed bitch… Is that it? Is that anything worth reading about, let alone celebrating? Is that a point at which anybody who has followed the story so far can say “Oh that was cool!” or “Told you so!” or even “What a shame!”
Well don’t worry, this is not the end. This is just a taking stock. The journey continues. The journey never ends.
It is true though… I am not as “nice” as I once was. I certainly can be a foul mouthed, hard arsed bitch and I enjoy giving that aspect of myself free reign sometimes. I no longer have any shame about the darker aspects of myself, or about expressing them when the need arises. So since I am taking stock, lets look in a bit more detail at the ways Satanism has changed and helped me.
Perhaps the most important thing in the early days was that Satanism helped me to cope with the illness and death of my mother. It was complicated and difficult but I think that without the hardened edge and support network that Satan provided me with, I would have broken down. It was also at that time (coincidence?) that I met my life partner and her daughter and inherited a new family. My love and passion for Sophie began on a high but has steadily increased as we have both become ever more deeply involved in Satanism. And while I will probably never give birth myself, I couldn’t love my adopted daughter more. Her presence totally activated my maternal instincts and hormones and helped me to grow in ways I would never have imagined possible. Now she is old enough to begin making her own way in the adult world and I couldn’t be prouder of her. (More about that later).
Satanism allowed me to know myself better, to shamelessly indulge in my passions and pleasures, and to grow in confidence in leaps and bounds. That confidence has lead to several promotions and thus to a much more enjoyable, rewarding and lucrative work life. I am earning more money than I thought possible a few years ago, I am living in a very comfortable apartment in an expensive city but can still afford just about any luxury or pleasure that takes my fancy. While I have a few unhealthy vices, I am fit, active, happy and relaxed and therefore in very good health. Sophie and I are both approaching the phase of life that used to be known as “middle age” but I think we could both pass ourselves off as “twentysomethings” if we wanted to. And our own coven has given us both the opportunity to develop our maternal and organisational skills in new ways. Gradually we have become quite influential in wider Satanic circles. So it is as if in work, social, personal and coven life all limits and barriers have been removed.
So while people who used to know the nicer Cassie might regret the harder edge they see now, I am thoroughly grateful to Satan for the person I have become and the limitless opportunities ahead of me.
I am aware that there are elements of this post which I have spoken of before, not so long ago, and that is a bit of a problem… Looking back through this blog, we have already covered most of the themes that are important to us. We don’t want to get repetitive…
The thrust of this post so far might seem to be saying “Look we are fully immersed in Satanism now and everything is great;- end of story.” But that is not it.
There will be challenges ahead and we are not so naive as to think all our problems are over and this is where we stay now. No, life is always a journey. There are always new things to learn and experience in any path and it is no different for us. I think the three of us are Satanic to the core of our beings and that will probably not change. But how we live that out in the reality of the everyday world will always pose questions and challenges for us. We will continue to share what we learn from those experiences in this blog and we will continue to write about any themes that seem important to us. But since we have covered quite a lot of ground already we will probably not be posting to this blog as often as in the past. We do not want to be repeating ourselves too much.
However we have encouraged Tina to start a blog of her own. She has a very different perspective and voice to Sophie and myself. Sophie and I came to Satanism in our thirties after a lot of spiritual searching and all sorts of different life experiences. Tina, on the other hand, has been brought up in the centre of a Satanic family. In terms of philosophy and religion, Satanism is pretty much her normality in a way that certainly wasn’t the case for us, or for most people… Also, at sixteen, as she begins to explore adult life in general, her concerns and interests are quite different from our own. All three of us are aware there is not much quality material around for younger people who are interested in Satanism, certainly not much that we would recommend. Sophie and I are confident that Tina will become a good and knowledgeable example of a young Satanist. We hope she will indeed keep her blog going and we are curious to see what she will say.
So, while Sophie and I may be posting here a little less often in future, the journey of this Satanic family continues in many ways.
You can visit Tina’s blog here.
Post by Sophie
It must be clear by now to any regular readers that Satanism is fundamental to our family. All three of us take Satanism very seriously and it underpins most, if not all of what we do and say in every aspect of our lives. Cassie and I run a Satanic coven, an enterprise which takes up an increasingly large amount of our lives. Our daughter Tina is just as committed as we are and is beginning her adult life fully grounded in Satanic values and knowledge. We are all going to hell and enjoying the route that leads there.
But, we are not just Satanists…
What I mean by that is that we have ordinary lives and frankly not every moment of our lives is taken up with things that are overtly Satanic. I think that is important. One of the biggest faults and failings of every religion; of all religion, is that people can be consumed by it and in many respects driven insane by it. It can indeed be the opium of the masses. In my opinion whenever religion replaces rationality it is wrong. Whenever people get so swept up in their religious beliefs that they lose their reason or common sense they are in very dangerous territory and indeed may become a danger to those around them as well. This is where fanaticism begins.
It was fanatical maniacs who killed innocent people at a rock concert in France and an airport in Belgium. It is religious fanatics who frequently bomb their neighbors in Afghanistan and the Middle East. It is religious lunatics who bomb abortion clinics. There are religious fanatics who want to rule large swathes of the world and kill anybody who stands in their way. These same people fear the power that education could give the people they want to dominate. And throughout history it has often (in fact nearly always) been religious fanaticism that has driven violence, war and the destruction of whole cultures. It doesn’t matter what brand of religion these fanatics claim to represent; Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism or even Buddhism: all religions have their share of blood on their hands as a result of mindless fanaticism.
Satanism should be different; it is after all an anti-religion. But you can’t be a Satanist for long without realising that we also have our share of fanatics. Cassie and I have, for example, heard of Satanists who advocate burning down churches. Such people are rare idiots but it would be dishonest to claim Satanism was without its share of fanatical lunatics.
This is a direction our family and our coven spern. Thus we feel it is important to be grounded in the reality of everyday life. In essence that is a large part of what Satanism is about;- vital existence; celebrating real life.
Cassie and I love each other deeply but we have our differences and our fights like anybody else. We both work very hard. We have bills we have to pay. We have groceries to buy. We have a car to run. We do housework. Cassie travels a lot. She enjoys it but she gets tired. We both fight with our employers sometimes and get drunk with our co-workers. We both like to think our jobs mean something and we take them seriously. I sometimes spend hours marking and feel like death afterwards. I sometimes cry with happiness when a student makes a breakthrough. Cassie is totally OCD in her preparation but she gets a buzz out of being a leading figure in her company. We like to shop. We like to chill. We love good food. We drink. We smoke. We get stoned. We like planning trips and holidays we may or may not have. By this stage our daughter shares a lot of our bad habits but she is a good student and she studies hard. She loves to meet her friends and listen to her music. She volunteers at a zoo and at a farm. She is interested in the news. She likes improving her languages. And now she has a boyfriend and is fully engaged in her first real relationship.
These are the things that keep us grounded and sane. We would never deny our Satanism. It is incredibly important to all three of us. But we are real people with real lives and if that were not the case our Satanic principles would be meaningless and potentially dangerous.
We are Satanists. But we are not “just” Satanists.
I noticed Tina playing around on the computer making images of the three of us with various versions of Devil’s horns growing out of our heads. When we started to discuss the pictures she said that she had seen such things in her dreams. It then turned out we had all seen similar dream images of ourselves from time to time. Is that a typical Satanic thing? I don’t know. Maybe it is just a family thing for us. I guess it is not such a surprising image for the three of us to have in our heads considering the amount of time and energy we all devote to various Satanic projects. In any case it provoked some discussion and reflection among us and became the starting point for this post.
I quite like the idea of having demonic or devilish horns growing out of my head although, for practical reasons, it would probably be best if only other Satanists could see them! In some ways I would like an outward sign which could be recognizable to like minded persons of what my true beliefs and values are. Cassie and I are more open than a lot of Satanists, but still we have to be sensible and discrete… Sometimes that is annoying and it would be nice to be fully ourselves all the time without fear of prejudice or judgement. And perhaps it would also be useful for our beliefs to truly be as obvious as having horns on our head so that we were forced to be brave and be ready to defend our principles all the time in every situation.
In the images Tina has drawn my horns are a visible symbol of the ways in which I have changed and grown since becoming a Satanist. After decades of spiritual searching and following other philosophies it is now hard to believe that I could ever have been anything other than a Satanist. And perhaps in my heart I never was anything else. In a few short years I have fully immersed myself in everything Satanic and now find myself as one of the leaders of a progressive Satanic coven. I am finally being the person I want to be and living a life with clear purpose and meaning. So I wear my metaphoric horns with pride.
I must also say I am very proud of my daughter and the philosophical and spiritual direction she has chosen. I was hesitant at first about her decision to embrace Satanism herself. And if I am honest, a few years ago I might have been quite judgmental about any mother allowing or even encouraging her daughter to be a Satanist. Well my views on that have clearly changed. I am proud of my daughter in every way and the image she created of herself wearing horns pleases me greatly. It took me a while to find my true self and I learned a lot on the way to where I am now. My daughter’s journey will be different because she starts off from a fully Satanic perspective. This intrigues me but I know she will still have much to learn and question as she goes through life. However, I can only see advantages to the way Satanism has helped her to grow and develop so far and I think entering adult life as a Satanist already will give her strength and wisdom. (Sophie)
Tina Writing… So my pictures started this post and yes I often have dreams in which my mum (Sophie), Cassie and I have horns. I can’t remember exactly what happens in those dreams (they are all different anyway and don’t always make much sense) but I guess our horns have some meaning… Part of it may be because I have seen Mum and Cassie wearing horns. They have some which they use in their coven meetings. And of course I have tried them on and I like them. I am kind of impatient for the day when I can take a full part in those meetings, but that is a few years away yet… I could get some of my own for my own rituals I suppose. Maybe next time we visit an occult shop… When I am drawing on the computer, Cassie is the easiest to do. Horns suit her. She looks good as a demoness!
Anyway, what does it mean to me? I guess seeing us with horns is a symbol of what we are but can’t show to everybody. We are people who are on Satan’s side. We are people who are not in the mainstream. We know our own minds and live by our own morals. And these are things which a lot of people fear. It forces us to be a bit secretive but it means our friends are real friends. When I am with my friends at school (most of whom are not “real” friends) I feel like a spectator. I watch them acting like sheep, following the same fashions, sharing the same things on facebook, having the same problems with their boyfriends and just accepting the same supposed truths about everything without ever questioning anything, I feel like Alice In Wonderland! It’s like everybody else is on drugs and I’m not! I suppose I could just join in and sometimes I do pretend to, but it’s not the real me. Actually I think the real me is the one with horns! I read stuff they would think is really dark but it gives me another perspective. I do some of the things they do, but I think differently about it. I have a boyfriend too; unfortunately he is not really a Satanist but he is a pagan which is close… I am trying to convince him to fully join the dark side!
So for me the horns I see in my dreams and sometimes draw on my computer are symbols of our inner selves… Our true selves. (Tina)
(Cassie) So, I’m the most like a demon, am I? Well I guess I take that as a compliment! In my opinion Tina’s horns are just as impressive and I think, symbolically speaking, we all have horns now and wear them with pride. To some this post may seem too self indulgent and ephemeral. Well we make no apology for being self indulgent. I think the title is important however. It is actually about “growing” our horns or, to put it in a less ephemeral way, growing as Satanists.
Actually, just like Tina, I have seen myself and my family in various dreams sporting devil’s horns. A decade ago such visions might have disturbed me. Now I find them comforting. The imagery and symbolism is fairly obvious and I think Sophie and Tina have already summed up the symbolic meaning of such images. I’d like to concentrate more on the growth aspect.
Becoming a Satanist is for most people a big step and marks a major turning point in their life, their priorities and their values. And, as I have spoken of before, it is often accompanied by a very tangible and physical feeling of change within the person. But growth does not stop there. A Satanist should always be learning and growing and should expect certain challenges as they embrace the individual nature of Satanism. Approaching life from an entirely Satanic, Left Hand Path perspective will mean change, it will mean letting go of some former assumptions and accepting some things that may once have seemed foreign or wrong. In order to allow yourself to grow you have to abandon some of the false pride, false modesty and false niceties by which others have known you and you have known yourself. It can be difficult and painful because many of your former friends will not be able to like or accept the person you are becoming. So growing your horns may indeed sometimes hurt. At the same time, those horns begin to mark you out. There are times when you can’t or don’t want to hide them. There are times when you have to be the person you are. At such times it is really best to wear your horns with pride. The pain they might sometimes cause as they grow makes them valuable and beautiful. And they will continue to grow as you do.
Most of what I have written here and in other blogs since I fully adopted Satanism has been quite positive, but of course there have been dark and difficult times too. I lost a lot of friends. I had serious periods of self doubt. I made mistakes. I embarrassed myself in various ways. I experienced the stupid and nasty side of Satanism. I hurt people I didn’t mean to. I had to deal with various forms of grief. But, as the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger!” And I have certainly changed and I am certainly stronger. While I have decided not to have children myself I find myself in full mother mode! In my heart Tina is my daughter and I will love and protect her as fiercely as any Satanic mother. But I have also become the principle mother figure in our coven and I am relishing that role. In doing that, I think I have finally shed any remaining ghosts of the pre-satanic Cassie.
So beyond the obvious I think our horns represent our growth as Satanists. They will continue to grow as an expression of accepting and developing our true inner nature. It does’t matter if other Satanists don’t visualize this in the same way. What does matter for ourselves and I think for all people, is continual growth and a continual acceptance and honesty about who and what we are. Those of us who recognize and work with the darker aspects of ourselves perhaps have a head start in that.
Well now as it happens the day on which we are ready to publish this post is my birthday. Birthdays are very important to Satanists. I intend to celebrate fully with as much sin and debauchery as possible!
Are my horns showing? I should fucking hope so!