Old Souls Forum

Artwork by Minerva Tau

(Artwork by Minerva Tau)

Do you remember messageboards? They seem to have gone out of fashion a bit. Facebook and other social media have largely taken their place, but for all sorts of reasons I have never felt you get the depth of discussion and range of opinions on facebook groups that you used to get on message board forums. I miss that. I learned an awful lot from other people that helped me to grow on my spiritual path. Part of the reason I grew in such places was because people were allowed to respectfully disagree with me (and vice versa) and this caused me to think and re-think.

I enjoy writing my various blogs and will continue to do so but blog entries tend to be long essays with which people either agree or disagree but blogs are not a medium which are very good at generating actual real time discussion.

For that reason, and a good amount of nostalgia, I have created my own forum, “Old Souls”. While I’m not shy about and will never hide my own beliefs, Old Souls is certainly not only for Satanists or even just Left Hand Path practitioners. (At the moment myself and Tina are the only Satanists participating there). It is a discussion forum for anybody who acknowledges a spiritual dimension to life (whatever they construe “Spirituality to be). Presently we have atheists, pantheists, Wiccans, Pagans, Chaos Magicians and Native Americans; and there is room for plenty more. We talk about spiritual and philosophical matters but we also share jokes and talk about what music we like or what we like on TV. The only real rule is that all discussion must be respectful. If you are interested, pop in and have a look around.

http://oldsouls.freeforums.net/


Thoughts for 2017

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It is New Year’s Day. We sit in a hotel room in southern England for a few days post Saturnalia holiday to see family, old friends and old coven family. We are all quite hung-over and quite travel weary after a week of celebrations followed by fog caused flight delays and travel changes. Time for our alcohol addled brains to reflect on 2016 and look forward to a New Year.

Tina. 2016 was a big year for me. I turned 16, did a lot of growing up, discovered sex and other vices and enjoyed myself a lot! I also had my first tattoos, first serious boyfriend and all sorts of other firsts. Around me the world seemed to be going mad. My Mum and Cassie seemed quite worried about political things going on in the world but I wasn’t too concerned. I kind of felt invincible like the time for me and my generation is coming… It doesn’t matter if some crazy politicians screw things up because the people of my generation will put things right eventually. Personally I won’t show any mercy to the people who caused the mess we will have to deal with though…

For 2017 I will try my best to study and keep my marks high. This will be harder than it has been in the past because there are so many other things which are much more fun that I would like to do at the same time! Sometime this year I will go to America which I always wanted to do, but now that there will be an idiot in charge it seems like a less important ambition than it used to be… In the next few days I am going to get to know people from the Satanic Coven Cassie belonged to when she lived in England and I hope to make some good contacts there. I want to be able to be more open with more people about being a Satanist. I think I can get away with that more easily than my mother or Cassie can. Anyway, personally I have given up all things that people call morals and I will live by Satanic principle alone. I will write more about that in my own blog.

Sophie. 2016 was a year where my role as a mother changed substantially.  Where Tina is concerned I decided to let go as much as I could and I have enjoyed watching her develop as a person… Perhaps I would have been the same as she is now if my parents had been Satanists. She has embraced adulthood and a lot of the hedonistic freedoms that go with the beliefs and lifestyle we have all chosen. I have seen many other mothers grow distant to their children during this phase of life but I feel that Tina and I have actually grown closer as sisters in Satan. I have found however that my maternal instincts have come to the fore in our coven where my role has expanded a lot this year and I have found that very satisfying. With Cassie away working a lot of the time I have taken over the everyday running of the coven and it is surprising just how “motherly” a role that is, even in a group of people that defy conventions and love their independence. Watching our members grow and discover their true selves within Satanism has given me a lot of pleasure. The same is true for my relationship with Cassie.

For the year ahead I want to see us all continue to grow and develop, leaving behind any remanents of pre satanic thought. For our own group and for myself I am confident that that will happen. When I think about the wider world I am more troubled. Perhaps change, even scary and dramatic change, is a good thing in the end, but it will mean difficult and testing times for many people and for the world itself. Just when the major powers were beginning to take climate change seriously we get President Trump who seems set to dramatically reverse what little progress there has been. And politics in general seems to be in melt-down. I think Satanists are called to act wisely to secure the future for ourselves and our children.

Cassie. For me 2016 was a year of even more travel than normal, a lot of hard work and increased responsibilities in my job. I loved it, but I realised that even I have limits when it comes to energy and stamina! Maybe in the coming year I need to pace myself a bit better. On my Satanic path it has been a year of twists and turns that have caused me to think deeply about things and re-evaluate my attitudes and some beliefs. This is good! I must say I have also taken great pleasure in seeing what some would call the corruption of my adopted daughter and what I call her growth, development and empowerment as a Satanic adult. She is going to be a force to be recconned with!

Politically this year has been a disaster with the growth of mindless popularism and prejudice on both sides of the Atlantic resulting in Brexit and Trump. Brexit will hit me personally quite a lot in work and my home life. I don’t know if the company I work for can continue to exist if Brexit goes ahead. And in order to secure a future for me and Sophie I am probably going to have to give up British citizenship and become either Swiss or Irish.

I think 2017 will be very painful indeed in terms of politics and world affairs. Trump and Putin on the same side… More calamity in Syria and the Middle East. More right wing popularist movements in Europe… The Brexit mess going ahead despite the fact that more and more people are realising what an utter disaster it will be for the UK…

I have become quite politically active in the past year in opposition to Brexit and part of my plan for the new year is to be more effective in that but also to pace myself and keep things in perspective. Spiritually I don’t have any specific plans except to keep learning and growing. I’m starting a new forum (details on request) and have a few ideas for our coven to persue…

We wish all our followers and readers all the best for 2017. Blessings from the Satanic Ladies!


Transcending Good and Evil

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I want to preface this post by saying that it can in some ways be viewed as a kind of warning. We have always tried to present the positive side of Satanism and confront some of the misinformation that often circulates on the media. However, Satanism is certainly a darker path and is not right for everybody. Moreover I think it is fair to say that anybody who takes this path will have to confront aspects of themselves and of society that most people prefer not to.

Satanists and most of us who follow a Left Hand Path; a path associated with darkness, cannot help but be exposed to evil; whatever one considers evil to be. There have been times on this spiritual journey where I have come close to describing myself as fully evil and seeing evil itself as the truest expression of pure Satanism. This may come as a surprise to some who know me, even in Satanic circles, because I have usually taken a public stance which is quite different to that. But I think that all of us on the Satanic path are forced to experience and confront evil in a way that most people never do. We each go through stages in our relationship with evil and come to our own conclusions about it. Some on this path do become everything the wider world considers to be evil and are not afraid to admit that to themselves and others. Some take pride in describing themselves as evil. I do not go quite that far but I certainly do not consider or describe myself as good either. I am Satanic; and that is enough.

It is true however that the deeper one becomes involved in Satanism, the further you travel into the territory that is often described as evil by others. You may blaspheme, you may participate in black masses and other dark rituals, you may practice magic defined by others as black, the  use of blood and various sexual acts may become part of your magical and ritual life. And of course you see the enemy of Christianity and several other religions, Satan; The Devil, as your guide and inspiration. You may work with demons and dark spirits. You may see the diabolical as your kin and hell as your spiritual home. I have done all of these things and I must say that once you start to explore this territory it is intoxicating and addictive. This is where the danger lurks for us. In this new territory where there are no clear maps or boundaries, it is easy to get lost. What do I mean by that?

What I mean is that we are exploring areas or our mind and psyche that are considered taboo and forbidden by many and within those dark territories there are things we don’t really think are wrong but there are other things which still may be wrong or evil or against our true nature and judgement. In the darkness and the ecstasy of exploration we can confuse those things. To put it another way, we can begin to see and experience everything in this territory as equally valid and equally much our true nature. We glimpse that we are capable of every kind of evil and may come to feel that every kind of evil is acceptable for us. This is a stage that most, if not all, people who take a Left Hand Spiritual path; or in a Jungian sense explore their dark side, must go through. I have had moments like that. I have had moments when I have felt that to kill somebody who stands in my way would be no more wrong than fully enjoying my sexuality. I have had moments when I have felt that the power to be sadistic and cruel in the extreme without any guilt or shame would be a beautiful and liberating thing. Yes, I have had moments when I have felt that everything I personally abhorred and previously thought to be really evil is everything I actually want to be. I doubt that there are many people on a similar path who have not occasionally had these thoughts and feelings.

I should add that these moments were just that: moments. When the moments were over they became stimuli for deep soul searching and internal dialogue. They became uncomfortable points of self reflection. They became lessons which slowly and uncomfortably lead to personal growth and understanding. But it is easy to see and understand how for some people (and I would never say that I am immune) these moments could become extended… These moments could become their new reality.

Yet still I think this a path worth continuing on. It is dangerous, but it is worth it for some of us (including my partner and my daughter). I would like to speak about why I think it is worth it in the context of what Left Hand Paths are really about. And finally I would like to indicate why I think that being a Theistic Satanist offers a certain amount of guidance and protection that may be missing in some other Left Hand Paths.

The idea of the Left Hand Path first surfaced in Eastern, Tantric traditions. To over-simplify it was seen as a difficult but sometimes faster path to enlightenment which depended heavily on breaking the taboos and conventions of a given time and place. For example, within communities that were vegetarian, Tantric practioners of the left hand path would eat meat. In places where sexual morals were conservative and restrictive, those of the left hand path would explore and practice all forms of sexuality that were considered taboo or depraved. The idea was two fold. Firstly (and this may be a more modern and more western interpretation) breaking conventions and taboos can be seen as a test of the moral validity of such taboos in the first place. Secondly (and perhaps most importantly in the original traditions) the aim was for the soul to remain untainted no matter how much the body was engaged with material depravity and corruption; to remain true to your higher self in the midst of the most extreme material experiences.

I try to incorporate both these aspects into my own version of the left hand path and try to remind myself of the point of it all as often as possible. Thus with each taboo that I choose to break, I evaluate all that I gain or loose by doing so and come to a new value judgement of my own about how I should regard that thing or that action myself. Moreover, when I am momentarily overwhelmed by the sensation or possibilities of something, I try not to let it overpower or consume me but rather allow my higher self to observe and note it. A little bit of Buddhist knowledge and background is very helpful here.

So an understanding of what the Left Hand Path is about can be very helpful and protective; I would say essential. However personally I find that that alone is not enough. In the moments where I have been in most danger of losing myself, it was in fact the presence of Satan that saved me.

Satan first permeated my soul in the shape of the Pagan Horned God, a figure whose voice called out to me to be heard rather than side-lined or ignored. Within the circles I moved in, people were appalled or even terrified that their somewhat neutered Horned God might be associated with the Christian Devil. Yet to me the similarities were clear. I then began to see the Christian portrayal of Satan as false and misleading. I felt His displeasure at being portrayed in such a limited and entirely negative way. And it was because I began to recognize the depiction of Satan as entirely evil as false that I became a Satanist. So when I am exploring the darker areas of my soul, it is a voice of wisdom that guides me and in particular urges me not to linger in dangerous areas for too long. It is Satan once again reminding me that he is not the caricature of evil that Christians would have us believe.

The Satanic path does require us to explore the nature of evil within ourselves and beyond, but it certainly does not require us to become evil.

I titled this post “transcending good and evil” but that might be a little misleading. What this post is about and indeed what Satanism itself is about to a large degree is transcending other people’s definitions of good and evil. As Satanists we all eventually leave behind worldly notions of good and evil and trust instead on our Satanic instincts. But we train and hone those instincts. The lessons can be hard and we can get lost but we learn and we grow. We are always accountable for our own actions and choices. We allow ourselves more freedoms but those freedoms have dangers. This is the path we have chosen but our safety on the path is not guaranteed. We can fall. We can get lost. Some people do.

For me personally (headstrong and arrogant as I can be), a focus on the true nature of Satan and a willingness to heed his advice is the strongest safety line.

For the benefit of anybody who has been skim reading this without much concentration or understanding what I am saying is that while I have glimpsed my own potential to be evil (and will do again I am sure) I have chosen not to be, and that it is Satan who keeps my moral compass pointing in the right direction.

And if you are still confused don’t worry, but don’t ever explore Satanism; you are not ready.

Cassie


Trump, Brexit, Diash/I.S. All The Same

The war on intelligence and critical thinking has begun.

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As I write this there seems to be a 50/50 chance that America will elect a bigoted, sexist, misogynistic, stupid liar as President of the most powerful nation on Earth. I am talking about Trump of course but I am well aware that the other alternative for American voters, Hilary Clinton, is also a poor candidate. In truth Americans seem to be facing a choice between the lesser of two inadequate choices. How did this happen in a powerful nation that regards itself as a bastion of freedom and democracy?

While Hilary Clinton is undoubtedly a bottom of the barrel candidate, it is clear that she is by far the only reasonable option for American voters. But reason seems to have little to do with anything these days…

But this is not actually a post about American politics in particular or politics in general; it is a post about the danger our world has sleep-walked into and the urgent need to bring the satanic mind-set and critical thinking to bare on the issues we face today. The sheep are sleep-walking into oblivion and the rest of us could easily get sucked in with them if we are not careful.

What has become clear to me is that there is actually not much difference between fanatical Brexiteers in Britain, fanatical Trump supporters in America, and fanatical terrorists in the Middle East and around the world. They all despise intelligence. They all despise free and critical thinking. They all adopt the policy of scape-goating and blaming “the others”. They all tend toward bigotry, sexism and racism. They mostly identify with the hard right of whatever religion is convenient to them. They generally hate gays, bisexuals and any form of alternative lifestyle. They are strongly anti-science, anti-expert and anti-education. And they all use sensationalism and the most extreme popularist media to hook the masses. As a result our clearly fragile legal systems and democracies are rapidly descending into instruments of mob rule. And controlling the masses are madmen.

As Satanists we can perhaps understand the greed and self interest that drive the madmen at the apex of these mobs, but we must also recognise that they are indeed mad and that their self interests are or will be in direct conflict with our own. Many sheep are being herded to the edge of a cliff. Some Satanists might argue it is best to let the sheep perish; their ignorance and foolishness is their problem, not ours.

But I think we need to be realistic and realise that to a very large degree our fates are bound up with those of the masses. We will not be immune to the effects of a global recession. We will not be magically preserved if bombs go off or wars happen.

We are not as visible as some minorities on the mobs list of undesirables but the reality is that our core beliefs, our passion for individuality and free thinking are the antithesis of what the new puppet masters want and need for themselves.

We are talking about people who openly say “The country is fed up with experts.” We are talking about people who advocate building physical walls between nations and who feel comfortable making disparaging sweeping statements against whole groups of people. We are talking about people who rape and murder. We are talking about monsters who target teenage girls for assassination because they advocate education. We are talking about people who encourage people to believe in the most ludicrous fundamentalist myths of creation rather than trust science. We are talking about people who think science and atheism are dirty words.

And as has been mentioned in what is left of the free press, we are living in an age where lies outweigh facts and truth most of the time.

Yes. The war on intelligence and critical thinking has already started.

We must have an intelligent response. We didn’t start this war, but we must not lose it.


Our Coven

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We have mentioned our Coven in passing but have not said much about it until now and probably won’t say much in future. The main reason for this is to protect the privacy of our members. I decided to write something now for two reasons. Firstly a few people have asked us things relating to our Coven or Coven Satanism in general. Secondly because a few of our recent posts seemed to be interpreted as if we were apologizing for our beliefs. That is not the case. We are Theistic Satanists. We are Devil Worshipers (although we have our own interpretation of what the words “devil” and “worship” actually mean). Within our coven we are Satanists in the raw and to the core. That is what we are. No apologies.

You certainly don’t have to be part of a coven in order to be a Satanist, most Satanists aren’t. In fact probably most Satanists are rather solitary, keeping most of their beliefs and practices to themselves. This suites the psychological profile of many of the Satanists we know who for many reasons are often quite reclusive and introverted. We, on the other hand, are rather extrovert and have come to appreciate the comradery and power that can be experienced as part of a group united by similar beliefs and shared experiences.

I had coven experience before becoming a Satanist as part of a Wiccan coven. When I fully converted to Satanism I was keen to experience a Satanic Coven. It was kind of a test for me. I had already made a commitment to Satan but I wanted to immerse myself in Satanic lifestyle and practice in order to check for myself if I had done the right thing. It seemed to me that being part of a Coven would be like jumping in to the deep end of the dark pool and I would either sink or swim. (I don’t recommend everybody to follow my example but that kind of all or nothing approach suits my personality). For me it worked. The things that I was perhaps least sure and most uncomfortable about, quickly became comfortable norms for me. It was like finding my true Satanic nature and celebrating it rather than hiding it. So, for me being part of a Satanic Coven was a big and very significant part of my personal journey and development. Even so, I recognize that for many people this step, and this experience is not necessary at all.

So I was a member of a Satanic coven in the UK where I was taught, nurtured and well treated. But then life intervened; I fell in love, was traveling a lot and missed some meetings and then I decided to move to another country altogether.

At first Sophie and I were content to go it alone and with hindsight I think that was good for our development as a couple but eventually our thoughts turned to establishing our own coven.

Our coven came together gradually and organically. At first it was just a very informal group of friends in which Sophie and I were the only ones who fully identified as Satanists. The other people were what I would describe as open minded spiritual searchers from various backgrounds including Buddhism and Darker Pagan strands. Our meetings were just social gatherings at which we would discuss and share ideas over a few glasses of wine. (Okay, sometimes more than just a few glasses of wine)! It was great for me as I had recently relocated to Switzerland and was unable to keep up my commitments to my British based coven; so this new hard core group of friends became my new extended family. As time went by several members expressed an interest in the magical and ritualistic aspects of Satanism as Sophie and I practiced it. As a result we experimented with a few group rituals and I gave a bit of guidance and direction for those that were keen to explore witchcraft more fully. And so it began… Quite soon after that our friends, one by one, decided to fully embrace Satanism themselves and our meetings became more organised and regular.

No two covens of any variety are exactly the same and this is probably even more true in Satanic circles. There is no rule book and no single right way to do things. The shape and structure of our coven is based loosely on my previous coven experiences in Wicca and Satanism, simplified and tailored to our own needs. At present we have ten regular members and a few other interested parties. We have several teachers, scientists of various descriptions, an artist, two musicians and several business people.  I am nominally the High Priestess and Sophie is the Coven Mother but I think we all acknowledge that in all practical aspects Sophie is the boss (or official Dominatrix, as one of our members put it)! As far as possible we share all jobs and responsibilities around the coven.

We try to meet monthly. Many of us  have jobs which involve a lot of travel, so finding times we can all meet is a task in itself. For practical reasons we only celebrate two Satanic holidays in addition to our own birthdays, these are Beltane/Walpurgis Night around Mayday and Samhain/Halloween in the Autumn.

We decided from the beginning that the Coven needs a purpose and a direction. Ours is to further our members self interests and promote Satanic ideas and philosophy in the wider world. These things may seem somewhat vague to outsiders but among ourselves they are well understood and fine tuned.

Some of our meetings are still mostly social or based around structured discussions or debates but ritualistic and magical gatherings form the core of what we do. Also with ten birthdays spread out through the year there is plenty of fun and debauchery as well!

Clearly none of us would remain in the coven if we did not find it pleasurable and advantageous to do so.

Personally I feel it has helped me to learn new skills in terms of people management, ritual preparation, psychological understanding and manipulation and it has brought the “crone” aspect of my persona to the fore. In a practical sense I think the magic and manipulation we perform as a group is significantly more powerful that what I could normally achieve alone. And perhaps most importantly as a Theistic Satanist, I feel ever closer to and more in tune with Satan or my own Satanic nature.

Having said all that, I would urge caution to anybody looking to join a Satanic coven. It simply isn’t necessary or beneficial for everybody. I would describe ours as a fairly gentle and understanding Coven, but we are Satanists and our ways and morals reflect that. Blood is sometimes used in our rituals (our own; freely and hygienically given).There is some nudity and sexual content in some of our rituals. It would be easy to take advantage of new members keen to prove themselves or afraid to say no. We choose not to take advantage. Other covens may take the view that fools get what they deserve.

I said at the start that we are perhaps more outgoing and extrovert than some Satanists. That may be one reason why the Coven works for us. I also think that being involved with other people helps to constantly underline and fine tune our beliefs and thus ensure continual growth. The coven also becomes an extension of family with all the advantages and some of the strains that brings.


Corruption of Innocence

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Recently I was berated by an (ex) acquaintance who said I have corrupted my own daughter, that Cassie had corrupted me and we had all been corrupted by Satan! Perhaps it is true, but if so, I view this entirely differently than the person who was intending to insult me or perhaps shame me. I think I was supposed to feel that I have lost my moral principles and that Cassie and I have lead our own daughter into a dangerous path of evil and depravity. But what does that actually mean?

“Corrupted” is a word with several meanings. I don’t think even the idiot previously referred to meant it in the financial sense it is often used in. To quote dictionary.com;-

“dishonest or fraudulent conduct by those in power, typically involving bribery”

No, it was meant in the following sense; again from dictionary.com:-

“the action or effect of making someone or something morally depraved.

synonyms: sin, sinfulness, ungodliness, unrighteousness, profanity, impiety, impurity;
immorality, depravity, vice, iniquity, turpitude, degeneracy, perversion, pervertedness, debauchery, dissolution, dissoluteness, decadence, profligacy, wantonness, indecency, lasciviousness, lewdness, lechery;
wickedness, evil, baseness, vileness”

Okay, to some of that I will plead guilty although I would dispute the use or the meaning of some of those synonyms such as degeneracy, indecency and vileness! We are not vile! Anyway the problem is always who is the judge and what is the measure of such things?

I’ll accept that by some people’s measures we are sinful, impure, decadent and that we use profanities and enjoy a fair amount of vice and debauchery. But isn’t it interesting that in this list of supposedly bad behaviour most of the things are related just to sex or generally any language, action or philosophy which questions religious authority. There is nothing in that list that attributes the same degree of evil or depravity to the other meaning of corruption. There is nothing there which suggests it is wrong to squander the world’s resources. There is nothing there which directly states it might be vile to be torture animals or people. There is nothing which questions the morality of arms production and war mongering.
No. If you fuck and if you use the word fuck you are corrupt and depraved. But there is no equivalent linguistic and moral reprimand if you torture animals for kicks or napalm children in Syria. Oh, and if you are a Godly priest we will turn a blind eye to what you are doing with little boys.

My moral compass had diverged a long way from the western Christian map points it was supposed to be attuned with long before I met Cassie. When Cassie introduced me to Satanism however for the first time I felt justified in coming to my own conclusions about what was right and wrong. Satanism empowered me to be responsible for myself and to make intelligent decisions about was right and wrong for me. Satanism demands that you throw out all preconceptions and really start from your own first principles. It forces everybody who embraces it to grow up and leave behind philosophy and morals based on fairy tales and herd mentality. I don’t for a second regret that my daughter has taken Satanic ideas and philosophy to her heart. It has enabled her to leap frog most of her contemporaries in terms of maturity and life experience. I am very proud of the strong young adult that she has become. Yes she is beginning to enjoy some of the debauchery and vice that Cassie and I also enjoy. Should I be ashamed that she has lost her innocence?

No. There is a lot of confusion between innocence and ignorance. Certainly adopting Satanic values has lead all three of us to lose our ignorance. My daughter is not ignorant of sex, of pleasure, of vice. Nor is she ignorant of pain or suffering or the ugly side of humanity. But I would say that she, Cassie and myself are still innocent in the most important way. None of us have lost our sense of wonder when we look at the world and the universe beyond. We see beauty in art and in nature. We are amazed by discoveries in astronomy and quantum mechanics. We take delight in seeing children learn and animals survive against the odds. These things still and always will touch our souls. And this sense of awe and wonder is not diminished by the fact that we walk a Left Hand Path, that we engage with the darker sides of ourselves and of life in general. In fact knowing our darker selves only increases our respect for the universe as it is and strengthens our ability to thrive in an imperfect world.

I never wanted to remain a quiet, softly spoken virgin. I never wanted to be a dependent child all my life. I never wanted these things for my daughter either. So I guess by many people’s standards I have been corrupted and am corrupt. I plead guilty to leading my daughter in the same way.

Some people will always fear the words Satan and Satanism. Many will always associate Satanism with all that they regard as bad, sinful and corrupt. But many of those same people will never really think about what their inherited morality means, never mind what it lacks.

I don’t care if some people think I am corrupt and depraved or even if they think I have lead my daughter into corruption. But I don’t think we have been corrupted by Satan. Rather, I believe that Satan has educated and enlightened us. I think that Satanism has liberated us and allowed us to think freely. Satanism is self empowerment, a gift I would never deny my daughter.

Sophie


Satanic Mother and Daughter

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This is a post to mark a right of passage, as much for me as for my daughter. But it makes sense for Tina to speak first.

Tina speaking… Unlike my mother or Cassie I have never really been interested in or experienced any religion or philosophy except Satanism. It is true that I got interested in it because it was so important to them but since I started finding out about it myself I never really had any doubts about it. It is also true that I became a Satanist at the same time I started to change from a girl into a woman and I suppose the two things are connected.

Some months ago I started to have some doubts about continuing with Satanism. It wasn’t because I stopped believing;  it was just because a lot of other things were happening (school, study, boyfriends etc) and also I was a bit frustrated with being on the fringe of things at home. (Mum and Cassie are very busy with their coven and I get on well with all those people but can’t join in with anything. I am friends with the children of the coven members but most of them are not my age and anyway, strange to say, none of them are actually Satanists themselves. The only Satanists of my own age I am in contact with are online contacts and that is not the same as real life.). So I thought maybe I should just let go of Satanism for a while and concentrate on other things. Mum and Cassie were perfectly fine with that. But the problem was I couldn’t let it go. It was already too much part of my life. I have been learning witchcraft for quite a few years already and I couldn’t “not” be a witch. And I couldn’t stop being a Satanist either, it is what I am. So instead of leaving Satanism I went the other way. I did a big, deep and dark ritual of self dedication to Satan. And then I felt that connection and power surge that my mum and Cassie have spoken about before. In some ways I think it changed me even more than losing my virginity (which also happened during the last year).

So now I feel supercharged as a Satanist and strangely it doesn’t bother me now that I have to wait a year or two before officially joining the coven. I feel I have my own relationship with Satan now. And while I know I still have lots to learn about just about everything I am an adult now. Childhood is over and I am fully enjoying being a young adult. I will sin. I will indulge. I will learn. I will grow.

I am keeping this short and missing things out but obviously while all this was happening there were lots of long discussions with my mother and Cassie. I think as a result of all that, my relationship with my mum has changed. It was always a good relationship but now I think it is a more equal and adult one. But I will let her explain…

 

Sophie again… All relationships grow and change including the mother/daughter relationship. The fact that my daughter and I share broadly the same religious and philosophical beliefs has certainly helped in the past few years and I believe there has been far less conflict between us than some mothers and daughters experience. However we are indeed both Satanists and that has repercussions and consequences. Simply put, in order to be true to the beliefs and philosophy we share I have had to allow her to grow at her own pace and embark on adult life free of many of the restrictions I experienced and free of the guilt that I and many others experienced living in a world dominated by Christian values.

Only a couple of years ago when puberty was just beginning to take effect, I could still think of my daughter as essentially a child. Although she was already starting to change into a woman physically and mentally, I still saw her mainly as my little girl to be nurtured and protected. And I think even she would agree that in many ways she was still a child and was mostly quite happy to be treated as such. One of her first grown up decisions was to become a Satanist. Cassie and I discouraged her quite strongly at first, believing that it would be better for her to have more experience of life before deciding on any religion or philosophy; let alone one as outside the mainstream as Satanism is. But she was strong-willed, determined and persistent and eventually we decided it was best to respect her decision and guide her on that path as best we could. And so Satan became one of the guiding lights and cornerstones of her development as an adult. Cassie and I thought perhaps it was just a phase and we would have been ready to accept it if she had said she wanted to back out or just focus her energies on the less spiritual aspects of adolescence. But it was not just a phase. Her adulthood has blossomed within a Satanic household in which we value knowledge, pleasure and experience and where we have no great reverence for innocence and certainly no respect for ignorance.

And now sitting opposite me, Tina is an intelligent, quick witted and beautiful young woman who shares some of my beliefs and many of my pleasures and vices. But she is her own woman. She disagrees with me on some things (even concerning Satanism) and she has many interests and aspirations that have never been mine. She will always be my daughter, blood of my blood and I will always love her and be there for her in that capacity. But I also love the Satanic woman that she has become and respect her as the individual she has chosen to be. In some ways her Satanism is more pure than mine and there is much I can learn from her. We are both now daughters of Satan and go forward as equals and friends.