Young Adults, Satanic Love and Sex

Looking back through our archives, one of the posts that still gets the most traffic is the one about Satanic Sex. Another popular post is the one in which, several years ago, my daughter Tina decided to become a Satanist. Since then she has grown up and has a blog of her own which gets a reasonable amount of visitors. One of the questions that both she and I are most often asked is how our satanic beliefs inform our attitudes to sex and love. We are both aware that there is not much written about this subject on the net; at least, not much that we would recommend! So we decided to get together to answer some of the questions we are most often asked on this subject and maybe expand on our views and experiences a bit. First; for any visitors new to this site, a very short paragraph of background information about us.

My name is Sophie. I am 40 years of age and 17 years ago I gave birth to my precious daughter Tina. At the time I was in a long term relationship with Tina’s father. We split up fairly amicably when Tina was seven when we realized we had different directions and priorities in our lives. Tina’s father has continued to play an active and supporting role in Tina’s life and upbringing. I have been sexually active since my mid teens and I suppose I was always fairly liberal and adventurous in my sexual affairs. I’d had a couple of serious boyfriends before meeting Tina’s father (and quite a lot of less serious ones) and after the split I had a lot of liaisons with both men and women before meeting Cassie who has since become my life partner. Both Cassie and I are bisexual and still occasionally have sex with men, but we knew as soon as we met each other that we were meant to be life partners and we love each other deeply.

So I am Tina. I’m 17 in two weeks time and I have been sexually active for just over a year. I was the most innocent of children and had no interest in sex or any of the things connected with being an adult until I was about 14 and in that year I changed and grew up so much it shocked even me! When I was fifteen I started going to parties, meeting boys and kissing and stuff… I decided I should get prepared for the time when there would be more “stuff”! I had a lot of conversations with my mother and then just before I was sixteen she took me to the birth control clinic and I started taking the pill. Luckily I have always been able to talk openly about these things with my mother. A few months later I lost my virginity to my first serious boyfriend. Later I split up from him and “experimented” a bit. Now I have a boyfriend who is a few years older than me and shares a lot of my beliefs and values.

Mother’s Ground Rules.

Sex should only happen between fully consenting adults. If a person doesn’t or can’t give consent it is rape and the rapist should be punished as harshly as possible. Here in the part of Switzerland we live in the age of consent is 16. I know my daughter and I know she is adult enough to have sex if she wants to. However, not all people mature at the same pace. Tina has some sixteen year old friends who, in my opinion, are still not ready for sex. It is also fair to say that some people mature at a faster pace and maybe ready and hungry for sex earlier. Even so, the law is there to protect people and it is always best to wait until you are not breaking the law. If you can’t wait, there is something wrong. In all cases, if in doubt, don’t have sex; wait until a better time.

It is your body and only you should choose how to use it and who to share it with. Never, never do anything sexually that you don’t want to do. If a partner pressures you into doing or trying something sexually you are uncomfortable with, dump that person!

Girls. You can get pregnant! This is something the men don’t fully understand because it can’t happen to them. If you get pregnant, whether you have the child or not, it will change your life completely. So ALWAYS use birth control unless you are with somebody you don’t mind starting a family with. All women have the right to have an abortion, but abortion is a big thing that can fuck your mind and body up in all sorts of ways. It is not a form of last minute birth control.

And last of the scary warnings… AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases still exist. In fact most sexually active people catch an STD of some kind at some point. Be careful. Take precautions. In all casual sex adventures it is best to use condoms.

The Satanic Perspective.

Satanists are intelligent, scientific people and so they should take all the above warnings seriously. Satanists are self-centred and self-reliant, and must take responsibility for protecting themselves as much as possible. However, with all that being said, Satanists think sex is normal and healthy, Satanists are mostly hedonistic, meaning we see nothing wrong with enjoying carnal and mental pleasures as much as possible and Satanists are self aware so learning how to achieve maximum pleasure and satisfaction through sex (and all other things) is part of our life path and meaning. Satanists tend to value and enjoy the so called darker, left hand, sinister, side of things. We feel it is important to explore and integrate that side of things into our lives in a constructive way. That may make some of us more open to certain forms of sexual expression and fetishism than some others may be.

In practical terms, in our own family, my daughter’s blossoming sexuality and sexual appetite is not something I fear or dread (although I will always be the protective mother who sometimes gives more advice than is wanted), rather it is something I welcome and encourage as I think gaining sexual knowledge and pleasure is an important aspect of personal development.

What would you say is the relationship between sex and love?

They are not the same of course but they are very interconnected. Love can be wonderful and Satanists can fall in love as truly, madly and deeply as anybody else. I have had a lot of sexual partners but only a few partners that I was passionately in love with. The difference is huge. Of course the feeling of being “in love” is a huge and lovely thing in itself although when it doesn’t work out as you would like, or when it ends, it can be devastatingly  painful. But how to cope with that is one of the life lessons it is important to learn and it says a lot about who we actually are. A loving relationship is the best situation in which to fully enjoy sex and explore your own needs and boundaries. Making love with somebody you are in love with is absolutely the best and safest way to discover and enjoy sex when you are “starting out”. And even later in life, sex within a loving relationship is almost always the best kind of sex there is. You know that Cassie and I have had sex with quite a few other people, and we still do sometimes, but when we are together our love adds a dimension to sex that beats everything and everybody else we have ever experienced.

But there is still a place for sex outside of love. It must still and always be fully consensual, but frankly speaking most people need and benefit from having sexual experiences outside of a committed relationship sometimes. Many religions are very much against that. Satanism treats people as adults with their own agency who don’t have to follow or pretend to follow any form of religious or societal rules when it comes to sex.

Is there sex in Satanic rituals?

Not always, and not in all covens and groups. But sometimes, yes. In our own coven there is nudity and there are some sexual moments or acts in some rituals. It is very rare for full intercourse to happen during a ritual, although because of the sexually charged atmosphere some people do have sex as soon as they can after the formal part is done. But there is sexual stimulation… I don’t want to go into details, but I also don’t want to tell lies. There are sexual elements in many of our coven meetings. They are not really the debauched orgies you sometimes read about but I suppose in some people’s opinion any kind of sexual activity outside what is normal for them is seen as bad… However, and this is really important… Nobody should ever be pressured into any form of sexual activity they are not comfortable with. There are several people in our own coven who prefer not to participate in some of the more sexual rituals. That is fine and we totally respect that. Really. I would say to any person starting out in Satanism or even those who are very experienced practitioners, never do anything sexually just to fit in with a group. If you feel pressured to do something against your will or that you find uncomfortable in any way, leave quickly. If necessary report them to the police. And it is probably worth getting to know several members of the group and what they do for a living, before attending any private group meetings.

Is there a Satanic view of things like homosexuality?

Not really. You know by now it is hard to find any two Satanists who agree on everything, or even anything! However, in my own experience most Satanists I have met tend to have more more liberal views in matters of sex than mainstream society. It is also a Satanic principle to break down taboos. So generally Satanists are open minded about homosexuality and most other forms of sexual expression and identity. Some homosexuals, especially those who have suffered and felt repressed by religions like Christianity, find Satanism a great release and may go into a bit of overdrive in matters of sex! In our own coven we have people of all shades and colours on the sexual spectrum.

So are all Satanists kind of uber-sexual? 

No. I know several Satanists who have no interest in sex at all.

Any final comments?

Sex is healthy and fun but it is an adult thing which stirs deep emotions. Satanists (like everybody else really) should enjoy it responsibly. And in the excitement of sex, don’t overlook love. Love is something which binds and heals. Other religions don’t have the monopoly on love. It is as important for Satanists as anybody else.

And is there anything you would like to add?

Well I don’t really have much experience but maybe there are a few things I would add… Firstly sex does change you. It is not the thing of loosing your virginity, it is what happens after that, you begin to think differently and change in other ways… It is not something you can undo. I was lucky but I know some people whose first sexual experiences were not very good or happy. And they are a bit fucked up by that. They need to find their way back and kind of start again. Even I can say for sure it is better to learn about sex in a relationship than in a casual one night stand. So maybe if it starts off bad, people need to get back to the start and look for love more than sex.

Also the places where sex often happens first is at parties or clubs where there is a lot of alcohol and sometimes drugs involved. That is never good. I know some people who had big problems from that. Somebody I know online said if you are drinking at a party or club you should keep an eye on your drink and if you put it down somewhere where you can’t see it, never drink from that glass again in case somebody puts something in it.

I think I am luck that I have you and Cassie and Dad and I can talk to you about things. Some people aren’t so lucky but they should really try to find somebody trustworthy to ask for advice.

Here is a big rule from me. NEVER let your boyfriend/girlfriend/lover of any kind take photos while you are having sex. I can kind of see why people do it sometimes. It can seem kind of fun and kinky. I nearly let it happen once but didn’t.  There is a girl in my school who found pictures of herself posted on Facebook and on some other sites. This is something which happens a lot these days and people should be careful. If it does happen though, remember the criminal is the one who took and published the photos, not the person in the picture.

And lastly, Satanists often say Hail Satan and Hail Yourself! Remember you can’t hail yourself unless you respect yourself.

In the last year I have realized I really like sex. But I also realized I like to be fully in control. I know there are some sexual games and fetishes where you give up a bit of control (maybe wearing hand-cuffs for example) but I don’t think these are the kind of things you should do when you are just starting out in sex. There are plenty of other things to experiment with before you get on to bondage and you don’t have to like or do everything straight away.