Thank the devil for letting me be me.Posted: May 15, 2016
I guess in many people’s opinion I am a bad person. I am self centred and I admit to having a big ego. I can be harsh or even cruel if I decide to be. I probably seem to be amoral. I blaspheme, I swear, I drink and smoke and enjoy many other vices. I have sex with both men and women. My sexual tastes can be quite dark, some might say perverse. I like erotica and even some fairly hardcore porn. My girlfriend and I make up our own relationship rules. In life I do sometimes lie and cheat (though, not with my girlfriend). I have no hesitation in taking revenge as and when it serves my purpose. If it suited my needs or purposes there is probably no law I wouldn’t break or sin I wouldn’t commit. So yes, I guess those things make me “bad” in many people’s eyes. Then when you add the fact that I am a fairly open and active Satanist, I run a Satanic coven, I organise and participate in Satanic Rituals and practice what some call black magic; and that I acknowledge Satan as my ultimate archetype, guide and inspiration… Then I guess some would say I have crossed the line between merely being bad and actually being evil.
But it wasn’t always that way. Believe it or not I was a quite sweet and innocent child. Even as a teenager and young adult, while not entirely innocent, I was generally seen as a nice, kind young woman who always meant well (and that probably isn’t a bad description of who I was then). Fortunately the devil was always whispering in my ear; some would say leading me astray, but I would say leading me to self discovery and self awareness.
But it might not have been that way. If Satan hadn’t tempted me off the safer path there are many pleasures I would not have experienced, there are many aspects of my darker self and desires I would never have known. Of course some would argue that would have been better. And that the nicer, more wholesome version of Cassie was a much better person. I disagree. Knowing myself better than most people do, I’d like to examine what that nicer version of myself might have been.
To be honest it is hard to imagine those little whispers from the devil never being there, they were always the things that gave me the edge and gave me the confidence to be more adventurous. Without them well… I doubt I would have lived and worked abroad before starting my university studies; but it was those experiences that helped me to grow up and learn. There are a lot of people I would never have met. There are a lot of musicians I would never have gone drinking with. So there are a lot of people who are important to me now who would have had no impact on my life.
If I had ignored temptation I would certainly have had less sexual experience with men and I would probably never have even kissed a girl. And if that had been the case I wouldn’t now be living with a woman whom I love and I wouldn’t have a teenage daughter whom I adore. In fact I wouldn’t be living in Zurich and this little corner of love and security would not be part of my life at all.
Without exploring temptation I would probably have played safe with my relationships. I would probably have married and possibly divorced by now. We’d be two basically nice people who wondered what went wrong. Perhaps we’d spend our days trying to do the right things for our kids. I wouldn’t have the job I have now, I would have lacked the predatory instincts to go for the promotions that have brought me success. Besides all the travel I have to do wouldn’t be doable if I had a couple of kids from a broken marriage to look after.
Spiritually I would be lost. My path was always leading somewhere but if I consistently ignored all the signs of where I was supposed to go I would eventually have given up. I’d probably compensate by being over practical and I would hear myself saying things like “Spirituality and philosophy are for young people with too much time on their hands and no responsibility.”
On the other hand I would probably be a “nicer” person, or at least seemed to be. I would alway have been kind. I would always have offered a helping hand to anybody. I would always be a shoulder anybody could lean on. But what would that mean actually? The brutal truth is I would have wasted a lot of time giving sensible advice to people who were never going to take it. I would have claimed to give energy to people when in fact I didn’t have energy to spare. I would often have offered platitudes without really being able to do anything practical to help. I would have tried to help people who didn’t really want or need help. I would have been a victim to every kind of psychic and emotional vampire. And it would never have entered my mind to do anything mean, nasty or vengeful. And the result of all that, I suspect, is that I would have become very depressed and disillusioned.
Satan has certainly given me a much harder edge. An edge that protects me and makes me strong and successful. But the thing which I hope is clear to those who know me best, is that actually I am still a rather kind and caring person; it’s just that my kindness is better directed. In fact without being bound to some of the restraints that many religions and philosophies place on people, I am able to do more for people whom I believe deserve my help and compassion. And in the wider world I am still a political leftist in most things, I still care about social issues and I do what I can to help causes I believe have merit.
Why am I saying all this now. Well, several reasons. Firstly, for personal reasons there are a few people who might be reading this that I want to explain my choices to and perhaps this post will give an insight. Secondly I imagine there may be a few people reading this who may find my experience useful in coming to decisions of their own. But mainly I just want to thank Satan for his patient work with me. Converting to a totally Satanic mindset is the best thing I have ever done. I’m glad I am not the nice but naïve woman I could have become. There is nothing of that more innocent and wholesome Cassie I want back. I like the person Satanism has allowed me to become and the lifestyle I enjoy without guilt or regrets. Some people may think I am bad or even evil. I don’t care. Those concepts no longer have much meaning to me and I think if more people intellectually examined them they might find that such things as bad and evil are ambiguous or relative at best…
I am still on a path. The spiritual journey never ends. There is always much to learn. But I have no doubt of what my chosen path is. I sincerely thank the devil for his continuing guidance and inspiration.
Hail Satan! Hail the real me!