Goodbye Childhood, Hello Darkness and Death

See credit in picture and check this artist out.

See credit in picture and check this artist out.

By Tina

Earlier this year our good friend Blau Stern died in an accident. We were all really shocked. I didn’t know him as well as my Mum or Cassie but he wrote some nice comments on my posts and always seemed to be very supportive of me. I was really sad when he died.

He seemed to accept me for who I am without asking dumb questions or treating me differently because of my age.He sort of felt a bit like an uncle. He wrote some very complicated things in his blog which I didn’t always understand but I liked reading his stuff anyway .I’m not sure I will ever know as much about magic as he did, but I do kind of hope that when I’m older I really understand some of the complicated magical and occult things he was into.

I want to be a wise witch. I want the occult to be part of every moment of my life. I want to understand Satan and Satanism as well as anybody can. I want to be a good example of what it is to be a Satanist like my mother and Cassie are.

Halloween is a time when we believe the veil between life and death is thin. Some believe the spirits of the dead return at this time of year. I don’t really believe that exactly; but I do believe it is a time of year when the things people think are dark or scary are closer. So with that as the background, this is a kind of letter to Blau Stern just saying where I’m at and what my plans are now.

I am fifteen years old. So I’m still young but I am not a child. And I don’t want to be a child any more. That doesn’t mean I am all grown up; obviously. But really I’m not a child. That part is over. Satanists are hungry for knowledge and experience and I am a 15 year old Satanist. Or to put it another way, I am choosing to eat the apple of knowledge, leave the garden of Eden and go my own way and be my own Goddess.

I chose to be a Satanist over a year ago and I don’t regret it at all. As I get older perhaps I understand what that decision means more and more and I am more convinced every day. I guess it is about choosing sides and priorities. I am on the side of Satan. I am an enemy of his enemies. I am a friend of his friends. I look to Satan for guidance because I believe Satan is my true self. I am on the Left Hand Path of spiritual things. I start with myself and look outwards from there. In magic and ritual I work with the forces that others call dark. I am learning about demons and I will work with them. I like animals and see myself as just another animal; but one with a mind that can learn and grow. For morals I will learn from the people I respect and use Satanic teachings as my main guide but I don’t believe in good or evil. Everything depends on the situation.

I want to thank my Mum and Dad and Cassie for keeping me safe and making me have a really great childhood. It was the best! But now I want to make more and more of my own decisions and take responsibility for my own actions. I know my parents and Cassie won’t let me do that fully just yet, but I will be pushing!

So this Halloween while the Coven have their ritual I will make my own. I will rededicate myself to Satan and my ritual will be more complicated and darker than last year. I will be saying goodbye to my childhood and putting it behind me forever. I will be taking my first steps into the adult world…

And what will change? Nothing much at first I think. But sooner or later… I will study because i want to go to university in a few years time. But now I have to choose which subjects to concentrate on in the next few years. It will certainly be biology and some other sciences but I may do English as well as I already have a kind of cheat head start on that. I hope there will be a Satanists group at uni, if not I will start one!

Next spring there is a school trip to America which I hope to be on. I want some tattoos but mum says I have to wait until I’m at least 16.We will see…  As a compromise I am going to have some piercings.

I don’t have a serious boyfriend at the moment, but there are plenty around who suddenly seem to like me. I think there will be some developments on that soon.

Halloween or Samhain is a time of change. It is a time of year when even people on a Right Hand Path celebrate the darker things in life. Some people are afraid of those things. I am not. As well as Blau Stern our family lost somebody else very special to us this year. If this is a time when we are closer to those who have died I welcome it. Death is part of life and nothing to be afraid of. One day I will die. Before that happens I want to live. I want to live a lot. I want to explore. I want to experiment. I want to have adventures.

Some people, (probably most people) go through life being afraid of the darker things in life and even the darker things in themselves. As a Satanist I am lucky that I don’t have to be afraid or ashamed of the darker things in me. I think that gives me an advantage and a head start in many ways.

So this Halloween will be a doorway. I will step through it leaving innocence and childhood behind me. And then me and my dark little soul will walk forward in the direction I have chosen.

Hail Satan!

Happy Halloween!


One Comment on “Goodbye Childhood, Hello Darkness and Death”

  1. Loose Cannon says:

    I read this and had to remind myself that this is coming from a 14 year old.

    You have a very bright future ahead of you.


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