After the dark nightsPosted: May 17, 2015
So following on from Sophie’s last post…
I will keep this as short as possible. It is true that the first half of this year has been a bit of a struggle for me generally and in terms of my spiritual path. My mother died and as anyone who has dealt with grief will know, that is a difficult emotional thing to go through and it throws all sorts of questions, doubts and confusion into the mix. In addition to that our own little group/coven was at a crossroads and looking to me to some degree for leadership.
To summarise the main questions and confusions that were playing on my mind they were as follows. 1) Could/would my mother accept my Satanic beliefs and lifestyle? 2) Is Satanism a really complete and accurate description of my spiritual path anyway? 3) am I knowledgeable or experienced enough to have a leadership role in a Satanic coven?
Well you will have heard the expression “Long, dark night of the soul”, well I had quite a few of those! One thing I think I had to my advantage is that through my beliefs, personality and lifestyle I don’t really fear the dark side of deep and difficult thoughts and questions; nor even the pain of loss. I am at home in that country, my soul is essentially dark anyway. So I went through various rituals and meditations and came to the following conclusions.
1) My mother would probably not fully approve of or understand the spiritual direction my life has taken; however she would and does accept it. I can’t back away from Satanism and I don’t want to, but my challenge will be to live an authentic and fully Satanic life and still be the kind of person my mother could respect if she is looking at me from another plane of existence. To put it another way I’ll be a Satanist but still a good person in the ways my mother would understand the word.
2) In some ways the word Satanist is indeed an inadequate and incomplete way to describe my spiritual and philosophical path. Firstly I will admit to being a spiritual whore in the sense that I will take beliefs and ideas from anywhere and certainly not all my beliefs originate from Satanism. Secondly Satanism itself is a huge umbrella term and no two people claiming that label will believe exactly the same things. Having said all that, I totally identify with the Left Hand Path in general and with the basic tennents of Satanic philosophy as described by Anton LaVey and refined by many other Satanists. Moreover I do believe in Satan in many ways, as an archetype, as an aspect of myself and as an entity that can be engaged and communed with; and as such I revere Satan above all other “gods” or spiritual entities. Finally I absolutely love engaging in Satanic ritual and magic and all that goes with it. So, while the word Satanist does not describe or define me in totality it comes closer than anything else ever could.
3) While there are certainly thousands of people who have a much deeper knowledge of Satanism than me, I am good with people and I am a natural leader. Knowledge and experience can be gained along the way and I am well placed to know where to look. Moreover and most importantly I am not alone. Sophie is my equal and together there is nothing we can’t achieve. With that in mind we went to England together and spent a couple of weeks in what you might call intensive training with more experienced Satanists mainly in order to boost our own confidence. The result is that we both feel comfortable with our roles in our Coven now, and that coven is now an extension of our Satanic family.
So, the recent dark nights of my soul have been productive. Sophie and I are excited and optimistic about the future.
After a bit of a lull on this site there are suddenly many things I would like to speak about on this blog and I am enjoying that energy. I will say as a caveat however that Sophie and I are incredibly busy so we may still not be able to post as often as we would like. There could be a few subtle differences that regular readers may notice as this blog goes on. Hopefully we will always show Satanism in a positive way as we have always tried to do; indeed that is more important to us than ever. However we may make slightly less allowance for the ignorance of others. Also we don’t want to give the impression of being somehow more sanitised and sweetened than we actually are. People who read this blog should be aware that we are Satanic women and that any wisdom or insight people find here comes from people who live entirely by Satanic principles and practices. We are what we are.
Dark Blessings, Cassie