Thirteen (By Tina)


A few weeks ago it was Halloween and I did a ritual of dedication to Satan. My mother asked me to write something about it here so this is it. (Sorry it took a while but I had homework assignments and other things to do).

It was also my birthday a month before Halloween so now I am 13. That was two big things in a short time and I kind of think they are connected. Sometimes I think of things in a strange way. Here is the strange way I think about my birthday. Thirteen years ago I was just born, I was a baby, I couldn’t do anything for myself. I don’t really remember being like that but I was. I can remember starting school a few years later. I was scared and I didn’t know many things. Thirteen years into the future I will be 26. I should be finished with university, I might have a job, I might have an apartment and a car of my own, I might have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, I might be married and I might even have a child of my own! And now here I am at 13, halfway between being a complete baby and completely grown up! It’s kind of exciting and scary at the same time.

Also I think there are stages. For the first few years you are a completely helpless baby. Then you start learning and doing things for yourself. After that when you get to about 7 or 8 you start learning things in a more organised way and going to school and being a normal child. That stage seems to last quite a long time and nothing much seems to change. But then, wow, the year of being 12, everything seems to change really fast! My body changed, my feelings changed, my thoughts changed and now I really don’t feel like I am the same person I was a year ago.

Anyway… Getting back to the point… One of the things that changed was that I wanted to be a Satanist and so I became one. It wasn’t such a big deal really, but I have written about that before and I don’t want to repeat that. (You can look it up). There are two celebrations that are really important to Satanists, one is Halloween and the other is your birthday. So I wanted to do a real, proper ritual for Halloween so that I could celebrate my 13th birthday in Satanic style!

My Mum and Cassie helped me to prepare the dedication ritual. Maybe I should explain a bit more. I was already a Satanist; that is something you just know in your heart. But I wanted to make it more official, I wanted to do a big ritual, I wanted to feel closer to Satan and I wanted to feel that thing other Satanists say they feel when they dedicate their lives to Satan. I should also explain that to me Satan is not bad or outside me, Satan is good and inside me, it is my true self.

Cassie said I should start preparing at least a week before the ritual. She says that all the time you are preparing and thinking about a ritual or any kind of magical working you are kind of tuning your mind to the thing you want to do. So that is what I did. To be honest it was a very simple ritual, more or less a kind of meditation with some phrases I kept repeating which I decided during the week leading up to it. I also made those phrases into a sigil which I painted on myself during the ritual, like a tattoo. It’s gone now but I kept it on me until it faded away naturally. In the end I did the ritual alone in my room. My Mum and Cassie were waiting outside and they let me drink a glass of wine with them when I was finished. I am not going to give any more details of exactly how I did the ritual. Witches aren’t supposed to tell such things, you never know who is reading!

Anyway it all went quite well but to be honest I was a bit disappointed that nothing strange happened during the ritual. But later that night I had a really cool dream and the next day I felt different.

In the dream I was on a train with lots of people, some I knew and some I didn’t, but it was really crowded. Then the train stopped at a station and everyone just stayed in the train. I was a bit frustrated because I wanted to get out. As soon as the train started moving again I somehow jumped out of a window and landed beside the track. I watched the train go into the distance and then I started following a different track that lead into some trees. It was a kind of forest and it was dark. I didn’t feel scared, just curious what I would find. After a while there was this huge stag deer walking next to me with big antlers. I sort of knew this was Satan. We walked along through the forest for quite a while without speaking and then it asked me if there was anything I wanted to know. (I know animals can’t talk but it was a dream so it didn’t seem strange). So I asked how I could be a better Satanist and a better witch. To be honest I think I was hoping he would tell me a spell or something but he didn’t. He just said study hard at school. Study science and biology. So I said okay. Then we came to a stream where the water was black and shines. He asked me if I was thirsty. I said yes. He said I could drink if I wanted to, so I did. The water tasted bitter, a bit like coffee, but I liked it and drank more and more. Then I jumped in the stream and started washing in the shinny black water. I sort of knew that I was changing colour inside and out while I was doing this. And then the stag/Satan licked me. And then I woke up.

Well I talked about my dream to my Mum and Cassie and we have our theories about what it all meant. But that’s private. What I can say is the next day I did feel different, and I still do. I could never not be a Satanist now anymore than I could stop being human. It is what I am.

So my birthday came and we celebrated in style. It wasn’t like other birthdays because I want different things now and I am a different person to what I was last year. I am not going to say I am an adult yet, but I am more in that direction and I like it. I feel kind of excited about the future and what I might do.

So I think this is the longest thing I have written for Mum’s blog but I did quite enjoy writing it. Cassie helped me with the English. I hope you enjoyed reading it.

Hail Satan and have a nice day!


7 Comments on “Thirteen (By Tina)”

  1. Happy Birthday to you Tina, and best wishes on your path.

  2. Happy birthday Tina, and a well written article on your dedication. That forming of a phrase of what your intent is and then sigilizing it is an old technique but A.O.Spare perfected it. I use German runes then bind them together to do the same. I like the idea of the temporary tattoo of that sigil upon your skin. Your insight into your stages of growing up is most intelligent, and i would suggest keeping a journal of rituals, experiences and dreams. The dream of the stag god wa awesome. You jumped the train of the mass of muggles of the mundane world and headed off unafraid upon your own track before reaching the uncharted way through the dark woods of your subconscious. You are so blessed to have such intelligent and loving mothers to help raise you up to be all you can be. Uncle (?) Lee…….

  3. Malc says:

    At the moment there is a certain ‘earth waking’ thing going on. I feel more deeply connected to the wild things of nature than ever. To the beast intelligence. The horned one in the woods. This was a very beautiful post and a very beautiful dream. The maternal bit of me wants to immediately put a spell of protection around this precious awakening. I bow to all the great spirits: those that have revealed themselves to me and those that have not, and to their friends here uopn this earth, who are loved and appreciated perhaps more than we realise

  4. Jared says:

    Happy birthday Tina! I’ve only just discovered this blog, and I’ve only known that I am a Satanist for a matter of months despite being 24 years old, though like for many others it feels as if I have always been. You are very intelligent, thoughtful & intuitive and it inspires me to see you growing up in such a healthy & loving Satanic family. I am envious of the kind of support structure you have as I live in a rather conservative area of the United States and I’m literally the only Satanist I have ever known. Reading this post warmed my heart. You are the kind of daughter I desperately hope to have grace my life one day. I wish you all the success in the world in your journey of self-knowledge & fulfillment.

    • Cassie & Sophie says:

      Thank you so much. I know I am lucky to have the family I do. Well, they are all a bit strange, but I like that! I hope it’s not too difficult where you are. Just be yourself and you don’t have to tell people your beliefs anyway unless they seem interested. I hope befor you get a daughter you get a sexy Satanic girlfriend! Good luck with everything, Tina

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