After Walpurgisnacht, Living AuthenticallyPosted: May 2, 2014
When you have sex with somebody you love, the feelings and connection you have with your lover do not end with the climax but rather are multiplied and remain with you in a blissful afterglow. It makes you desire your lover even more and so each time you make love this afterglow becomes a more substantial and tangible aspect of what makes you who you are. That is how it is with Cassie and I; but it is also how it is with us and Satan…
A well planned and executed ritual can have a similar impact to sex (especially when there are sexual elements within the ritual itself). Thus a ritual can be a way of building up the connection between your self and your deity (or your higher self). Our Walpurgisnacht ritual was special in several ways, not least because it was the first we celebrated alone together.
For me personally I think it was a turning point. It was the closest I have ever felt to whatever Satanic energy is, and it left me with the clearest sense of dedication and purpose I have felt in my spiritual life.
There was a point during our ritual when contrary to my normal sceptical and quite dominant nature I wanted to submit and totally give all control of my will over to Satan. Anyone familiar with the emotions felt during sexual dominance and submission role play might understand something of what I was feeling. And yet…
Satan (whether that is my own higher self or an actual entity) did not and does not want that. I had a strong sense that what Satan actually wants is for me (and all people) to fully take control of my own life. I knew that before, but the drama of ritual made it clearer and hugely empowering.
I have always been a free spirit and independently minded but this ritual was like a sudden bolt of lightening which illuminated areas of my life which need work and could be more authentic.
By authentic I mean living according to what I truly feel and believe rather than pretending to accept things simply because that is the path of least resistance. (Thanks for that phrase Cassie!).
Of course there are some things which it is wise not to speak about too openly as Satanists. There are times when it is intelligent not to rock the boat. But it is important not to lose sight of the fact that the boat ultimately does need rocking and that the majority view is not necessarily the right one.
In my own case I have realised there are political things in Switzerland which I go along with although I think they are wrong and actually I don’t have to. There are things I don’t say in various aspects of life because my views would be unpopular or controversial, but some of them could be said without doing myself any harm. There are times when I allow people to assume things about me which are false when in fact “sometimes” I would be doing both myself and the other people a favour by not seeming to meet their false expectations.
All of the above things are probably true for most people at some time or other, maybe it is good to have a lightening strike once in a while to show up the areas where we could live a bit more authentically. I doubt if many people on their death-beds regret being themselves. In many magazines I have read that people who have been close to death or who have had near death experiences often say the lesson they took with them was to live more fully as themselves and not spend so much time trying to fulfill other people’s expectations.
In any case this is the message I took with me from Walpurgisnacht and I will adjust a few aspects of my life accordingly. It was not the only message though…
I must confess I have had some problems with using the term Satanist as the main description of my spiritual path. I have never doubted the philosophy and lifestyle of satanism since I began to investigate it, my problem is something else… I have always thought it important to be what we call in German, “konsequent”. Most dictionaries do not translate this word very accurately into English. It is not quite the same as Consequent or consequence. It sort of means doing what you say or that your actions flow logically from what you claim to believe. It is an important concept for me and is very similar to the notion of living authentically. It means the things you actually do or say in your life should accurately reflect the beliefs and values you claim to hold.
For many years I used the term Buddhist to describe my values and the change to Satanism seems like a big jump. I was not sure if I was really being Konsequent. Moreover, if you are really being konsequent can any religious, spiritual or philosophical label be meaningful if there is a possibility that it can change?
During our ritual this question came into sharp focus and so did the answer. It came into my head that Satanism is above all things a state of mind in which you question things without prejudice, including your own assumptions… A state of mind that values independence of thought, education and growth. It is a state of mind which is not static but which embraces change. In this way I have always been a Satanist and always will be, even if my understanding and interpretation of specific things changes along the way.
As a result of all these things becoming clear to me during our ritual I am feeling full of positive, satanic energy at the moment. There is a part of me that would like to go to my window and shout out to the world how beautiful and empowering Satanism can be. (Don’t worry, Cassie and my daughter are keeping me well grounded)! One thing is for sure and that is that I feel much more positive and confirmed in my satanic path going forward and there will be at least a few consequential changes.
P/S. As some of you may know from previous posts, Cassie and I are both smokers. A while ago we were discussing the fact that these days to admit that you enjoy smoking is almost as taboo as admitting that you are a Satanist! Well since we quite enjoy challenging taboos we have decided to start a new blog project on the theme of smoking. If anybody is interested or would like to know more please visit us a at http://smokerswrites.wordpress.com/