Spiritual Purge and De-clutterPosted: September 30, 2013
From time to time it is healthy to purge our bodies of all the toxins and waste that have been building up and slowly poisoning us. Equally it is useful to de-clutter our homes and get rid of the things we have been deliberately or accidentally hoarding. Freed from the clutter and the toxins we feel refreshed and renewed, we are able to think and see more clearly and are better able to live fully and productively. I think the same is true in spiritual matters.
For some time now I have had the feeling that something wasn’t quite right in my spiritual life. Progress in some things has been slower than I would have liked and I have occasionally just felt muddled and confused, unsure of which direction to take. This does not mean I have had any doubts about my chosen spiritual path; not at all. Day by day I am more convinced that Satanism is the right path for me. But still something hasn’t felt quite right. I have been wading through treacle when I should have been sprinting and encumbered by indecision when I should have been going full steam ahead.
From time to time I glimpsed what was wrong, but I never thought deeply about it, or perhaps didn’t want to. The problem with toxins and clutter is that we tend to like them; they can be comforting.
The concepts of harmony and balance have always been important to me but I have come to realise my understanding of them differs from some. Perhaps harmony is the better descriptor of what I mean and music provides a good analogy. Play any ten notes on the piano at random and the result will probably be an unpleasant, chaotic sound. However, with a little knowledge or luck you might instead play a pleasing chord or melody. The reason that these notes sound good together is not because you have an exact balance of high and low notes. It is not because the notes are equally spread. It is not because each note is the opposite of each other. No, the rules of harmony are much more subtle and sophisticated. Some notes just go together while others don’t; with experience and a musical ear you can often intuit what will work and what will not. The great composers are particularly adept at that. And so it is with life and spirituality. Balance is not about balancing opposites in a mathematical sterile way, rather balance and harmony depend on finding the central notes and other notes which naturally go with them.
I know where my centre of balance is, the key is to find the notes hat best accompany those central thoughts and ideas. I want to find a harmonious way of life within Satanism, my problem is there is a lot of clutter from beliefs I have adhered and clung to in the past.
This does not mean those former ideas are wrong or bad. I have learned a lot from the various beliefs I have encountered on my path so far, and have the greatest of respect for the people who live fully and harmoniously within those frameworks. I am not against eclecticism either. Most of us are naturally eclectic and taking ideas from different sources can be fine so long as those ideas fit together. The problem is that as we grow some things which worked for us at one time no longer fit with what we believe now.
Personally I have found that there are unhelpful ghosts of Taoism and Paganism in the way I live my life as a Satanist. Ideas which are great and wise in themselves but no longer fit and are actually distracting. Ideas I cling to out of habit rather than fully depending on Satanism. While this is not wrong in itself or for all people, it is wrong for me in my desire to live a balanced and harmonious life fully within Satanism.
So some baggage had to go.
Most of the process was easy and painless, just looking critically at my beliefs and actions and deciding which ones really fit together and which ones no longer did. The only cost to me was time spent in thought and meditation, actually letting some things go was not really hard, with one exception…
As a Pagan I considered Het Hert/Hathor to be my Matron Deity and I developed a very warm relationship with her which has continued until recently as a Satanist. I thought of her as a friend, guardian and mentor. However in all honesty I became too dependent on her and as a Satanist I was using her as an easy get out clause. When I couldn’t work things out or act from a fully Satanic perspective I would turn to her or my understanding of her. I came up with all sorts of justifications as to why she was entirely complimentary to my Satanic beliefs. All of these justification were true, but missed the point. If I was to achieve my ambition to be completely balanced as a Satanist, I could not be so dependant on a different Pagan deity and hide behind her skirts whenever things seemed difficult.
Thus with some reluctance and a lot of sadness I have said goodbye to Hathor as my Matron deity. (Any Pagans reading this who don’t know Hathor would be well advised to seek her out as great source of comfort and inspiration).
Despite the sadness that always accompanies goodbyes of any sort, I also feel relieved and my mind feels sharper and more focused.
It is certainly my aim and my objective to live as authentically as a Satanist as possible, and to find my balance and harmony totally within this philosophy and religion.
So I am no longer a Satanist with Buddhist, Taoist or Pagan leanings. I am simply and exclusively a Satanist. And with the clutter cleared I go forward on my path with greater clarity and determination.
Whatever path you follow, I suggest a spiritual purge and de-clutter can sometimes be healthy and useful. It can be daunting and painful, but the end result is extremely liberating and energising.