Tainted by Satanism?Posted: August 2, 2013
Have I been corrupted or tainted by my increasing involvement in Satanism? Have I unwittingly allowed evil into my heart and mind?
Or could I be a Satanist by any other name? Sometimes It would be convenient. Satan and Satanism come with so much baggage attached; much of which I don’t really want to be associated with. In theory I could live the same life, do the same things and have the same philosophy without actually calling myself a Satanist. In fact this is what I used to say to friends of mine who were Satanists before I became one myself. “Why stick that label on yourself?” I would say, “It just plays into other people’s prejudices and opens you up to all sorts of criticisms you wouldn’t have to deal with if you didn’t use the word Satanist. Just be yourself.”
It is a good argument. And there are times now when I am tempted to go down that route. But none of my friends did take that route. They came up with arguments that didn’t make sense to me and continued to call themselves Satanists. And now I can see why and I am actually in that position. In principle I could be a Satanist by any other name. I could ditch the label which is so often misunderstood anyway, and just be myself…
Satanism is associated with evil. Some Satanists embrace the word and attempt to turn it’s meaning on it’s head. They take pride in being what others (especially Christians) define as evil. Rather than run away from the word evil they just say yes I am what some call evil and I am proud to be. It’s a kind of evil pride. To a degree I come into that category myself.
Recently I took part in a big Satanic ritual. In may respects every aspect of it could be defined as evil by Christians and others. The whole ambience of it was dark and Gothic. There was sexual content in the ritual which many might find evil and debauched. There were words and images used which some might find sacrilegious and blasphemous. There was symbolic blood sacrifice (our own).There were references to demons. And of course, the word, the name, the power and the symbol of Satan was central to everything. In fact I played a fairly central role in the ritual, and I did so willingly and wholeheartedly, without reservations and with great enjoyment and satisfaction. And I will do so again. If such things are evil, then I am evil and unapologetic. I did not feel sullied, tainted or in any way corrupted by the ritual. I felt empowered and rejuvenated by it.
Some Christians and others might think the fact that I could participate in such a thing is in itself a sign of how far I have been corrupted by my involvement in Satanism. They would be wrong. There was nothing in that ritual which went against anything I have ever honestly believed. I have appreciated the power of the drama involved in ritual since being a Catholic school girl. I have been practising magic since my teens and I have often used my own blood to further magical workings. I have been blaspheming in my heart since I first realised the fallacies and corruption that infects many Christian and other churches. I have been working with magical entities and energies ever since I became a witch. I have always felt a strong connection between sexuality and spirituality and I have never been particularly shy of expressing it. So actually in my mind there never would have been anything evil or even uniquely Satanic about my participation in such a ritual.
There are however elements within Satanism that I do feel uncomfortable with. I have for example met far too many Satanists who think that because we “Can” take revenge, we should “Always take revenge” as brutally as possible. I think that is stunted thinking and dangerous talk. More importantly I think it paints us all in a bad light. I have met a few misguided Satanists who don’t seem to understand that opposing Christian values does not mean we have to have the opposite values all the time… That we don’t have to be hateful just because Christians speak of love… That we don’t have to be evil just because Christians call themselves good… I have even met people claiming to be Satanists who think we should take up arms against Christianity and burn down churches. I find such ideas foul, stupid and repugnant in every way. And then of course there are the reverse Christians who call themselves Satanists and take delight in doing anything they consider to be evil. The sad fact is that all these idiots are very good at getting headlines in newspapers and therefore many people assume that they really are typical of Satanism as a whole.
But am I tainted by such people and such ideas? Am I becoming an evil person through my connection in name only with such degenerate people?
No I am not. I have no desire punish people relentlessly who annoy or hurt me. I think love and forgiveness are immensely powerful concepts. I am not filled with hate. I value life immensely and I am very protective of other people whatever their religion. Some of my closets friends are Christians. I try to be a nice caring person and I would go out of my way to help a friend in need. I believe the religion of Christianity is wrong and corrupt and way passed it’s sell by date and I will argue that strongly with anybody, but I will defend a Christian’s right to live just as strongly. Moreover I have never had any desire to hurt any person, child or animal and I think all cruelty and exploitation of the defenceless is obscene.
So I have not become evil. But perhaps I should use another word to describe my spiritual path in order to avoid being associated with all the bad publicity Satanism attracts? Perhaps indeed I should become a Satanist by any other name, as I once advised others to do. I have been seriously thinking about that.
But my answer is no.
I am a Satanist, fully, totally and whole-heartedly. I may not be able to adequately explain why, but it is something I can’t and won’t deny. Moreover I think that until people like myself are prepared to be a little more open and upfront about our beliefs, then our religion will always be defined by a minority of idiots who grab the headlines. The Left Hand Path will always be consigned to the shadows until a few more of us are prepared to step into the light. I hope I won’t let the side down.