Post Walpurgis ReflectionsPosted: May 3, 2013
My Walpurgis/Beltane night was an amazing experience. I expected it to be but it exceeded my expectations. I guess any ritual in any spiritual tradition can have deep impact on those taking part if it is well organised in advance and well choreographed on the occasion itself. I was lucky that the high priest and priestess of my coven were very experienced and insightful and they handled everything beautifully. Whatever nerves I had were soon dissipated and I was able to relax and give myself over to the atmosphere and intent of the ritual completely. Whether it was psycho-drama or supernatural event, I felt the power of Satan moving through me and in me, gushing through my veins, my body and my mind. It was transformational and yet I must point out I was not brainwashed or possessed against my will. It was more of a mutual coming together. Satan does not want or need mindless slaves, Satan wants to empower thoughtful, critical people who can make the most of themselves and all the opportunities the modern world has to offer.
The immediate aftermath of Walpurgis night was like an extended post orgasmic bliss but that transformed into a time of meditation and thought. Thinking things through and gaining new perspectives…
One of the big personal spiritual questions on my mind for quite a while has been how to relate to Hathor. Hathor was the Goddess I related to most strongly since my early days as a pagan. She has been like a friend and mentor to me since long before I openly became a Satanist. And yet since becoming a Satanist her place in my spiritual life has been much reduced. There have been times, including this Walpurgis Night, when I felt that perhaps there simply wasn’t room or space in my spiritual life for any deity other than Satan. I was, I admit, quite prepared to ditch Hathor altogether. I am not proud of that. Above all things I think of Hathor as a friend, and that is not a very nice way to treat a loyal friend. Yet I have fully dedicated myself to Satan and Satanism now, with all my heart and soul. I am Satanic to the core of my being. It is as much a part of me as my blood type, my gender or my eye colour. So what am I to do?
I started to think about the meaning of Beltane and Walpurgis. In essence they are fertility festivals which celebrate the fertility of the Earth and it’s people. It is very much about sex. But in Pagan tradition Beltane is also the celebration of the Horned God’s maturity and his coming together with the Goddess in sexual union not as an occasional lover but as a life partner; a protective father. Both the Goddess and the God give up a certain amount of freedom in order to fully love each other and to create.
I was first drawn to Satanism to rediscover the ancient Horned God; to see him as he is and not as he is portrayed by his enemies. In doing so I have discovered an entity, a deity, a power that is beautiful and whom I truly love. But his union with the Goddess, whether it be actually, figuratively or symbolically is key to his wholeness, to his balance and harmony. To his power. To his nature.
To reject the Goddess who embraces and consummates his love would be wrong and unbalanced.
Actually as I have said before I am virtually atheistic. I understand Satan and Hathor as spiritual energies I can tune into rather than supermen or women that live in the clouds. The stories and traditions associated with them are symbols and archetypes that help us to focus on their energies. Strict LaVeyans might argue that they are totally internal constructs. I am open to the possibility that they are also external forces. Whatever that truth may be; I have come to understand that in order for there to be balance and harmony in my way of understanding the spiritual realms; I want and need to relate to both the Goddess and the God.
Satan is my God and in many respects my “calling”. Satanism is my philosophy, religion and way of life. But Hathor can and does exist within that framework. She is in many respects a dark Goddess in that she confounds social norms. Her nature is Satanic in the good and positive ways that I respect. As the “Golden Calf” she was one of the first Goddesses to be demonised by the Bible. She is a Goddess of love, magic, sex, music, art, and the protection of women and children. She is also a Goddess of death who guides souls as they pass from life to the next stage. For me, most importantly, she is my friend and I apologize if my doubts have offended her.
Rituals and celebrations can be fun, energising and even life changing. But they should also give insight. The reflective process they engender is just as important as the preparation and the ritual itself. In thinking about this past Walpurgis Night I have come to a new understanding of certain things, some of which I have mentioned here and others I will expend on in future posts.
I hope and pray that Satan and Hathor will walk together in my life and that their union in me will be productive and creative.