ChallengesPosted: July 28, 2012
Thank you Lord for the challenges!
Okay I must admit that I can be as lazy as anyone else and I quite enjoy an easy life when possible. Placing Satan at the centre of my spiritual world (alongside Hathor) and embracing Satanism and the Left Hand Path as the key to my spiritual growth is probably the best thing I have done for a long time, but it has brought with it some personal challenges. I like a challenge, but of course challenges can sometimes be tough. I am human and sometimes rather less secure in myself than I may seem to others. As much as I know Satanism is right for me, there have been times in the past few months when it would have been much easier to run away from this path, and there were times when I was tempted…
The first challenge was to come to terms with other people’s perceptions of me and of what it means to be a Satanist. It would certainly have been easier not to tell anybody. We all exude an image of ourselves and I think there are aspects of my own image which seemed to be at odds with my being a Satanist. I know I am a basically good and positive person and that is the side of myself which I have most often projected to other people. But I have a darker side which is just as much me and always has been, I think it has been a challenge for other people to accept that and it has been a challenge for me to be as honest and open about those aspects of myself as I am about other things. At the same time many people have a very negative image of Satan and Satanism and it has been a challenge for me to disassociate myself from the negative stereotypes and present Satan in a fresh, new and honest way (which is something I feel a deep personal obligation to do).
As I got to know other Satanists and have hungrily read and absorbed all sorts of information on the various aspects of Satanism, I have occasionally been appalled and shocked by some of the selfish, nasty, perverted and downright evil people out there who add to he illusion that Satan is the archetype of all things evil. I shuddered to think that people might associate me with people like them. It would have been much easier to call myself anything but a Satanist. However, luckily I have also met some very intelligent, thoughtful Satanists and read texts which have a great wisdom within them.
I think I have met and largely overcome those particular challenges now. In doing so I have gained a better understanding of myself and perhaps of other people. The people who matter will accept me as I am.
More recently the challenges have been to my assumptions and beliefs. It is a long time since any of my fundamental attitudes have been questioned so it has been good and it has exercised my brain cells. On the other hand I will admit it is sometimes uncomfortable to question things which have not been challenged in a long time, or indeed ever… I don’t think any of my views or opinions have changed fundamentally; but I have become more critical in my thinking and hopefully a little more consistent in my thoughts and in my reasoning.
There are still other challenges which I won’t go into now. There are times when these challenges are exciting and other times when I feel I just want a a rest and to enjoy the sunshine and forget everything else. Thankfully that is normally possible (at least when the jet stream obliges and we have proper summer weather)!
So, although there have been some uncomfortable moments I do truly thank my Lord and Lady for this opportunity for spiritual and personal growth. There is something quite beautiful about becoming more yourself.