First steps…Posted: June 9, 2012
Since embracing Satanism there has been a lot to take in and explore. Luckily I have had a bit more time to myself than usual lately to read and research. I have come across things that made me step back in horror thinking “What am I getting myself into here?” Of course I have also read things which seemed to be written from points of view much more like my own. Everything has caused me to stop and think. A lot has been a challenge to my existing beliefs and preconceptions. In short the journey so far has been tumultuous. There have been times I must admit where part of me has wanted to back out and run away. But I haven’t. I have kept with it.
If I hadn’t taken this step, I would have missed all this. What I can say for sure is that my spiritual life is moving and feels dynamic again.
My relationship with Satan, as the male aspect of divinity I most closely relate to, is also evolving. In some ways it is like the relationships we build with friends and lovers. At the moment it is new and exciting, there is a rush of emotion whenever I am near him. In a sense we are feeling each other out and learning how to be with each other. Then you start to examine each other’s passions and interests. You begin to share passions with each other. You decide how much you are willing to change or adjust to suit your partner. Equally importantly you learn what is not negotiable or changeable in yourself and your partner.
I was never keen on the notion of marriage and nor am I keen on the notion of pacts; that is not who I am and it is not the perspective from which I approach Satan or Satanism. I believe in keeping relationships vital. Each moment is a new commitment. Over time the shape and strength of any relationship becomes clear. My feeling now is that this relationship will be long and important. I am glad that I have taken the opportunity and the risk of getting to know Satan for myself.